About Sharav...my hostel

for want of better things to post, i am copy-pasting the stuff that i contributed for the Hostel Mag.. donno if they would take in my contribution itself..

here goes..

"It’s about the tears we shed when we first came in bidding bye to parents/siblings..

It’s about the butterflies in stomach when we found ourselves being on our own…

It’s about those nights we lay awake reminiscing our lives back at home..

It’s about knowing your neighbour…from just a smile in the corridor to bang-the-door-open familiarity

It’s about joining your voice with the girl in the next bathroom doing a chorus of ‘awaaraa bawrein..’

It’s about timidly peeking into each of the toilets before half-heartedly selecting an almost-clean one

It’s about queuing up for the turn to use the washing-machine..and at times washing your laundry at 2 am to lose the queue…

It’s about kissing the whole washing process good-bye and BPO-ing it to ‘sir’ in the cycle shed

It’s about complaining about the thickness/staleness/rawness of rotis and thinness/blandness of dal in the mess

It’s about the dogs n their puppies whom many loving hands feed with biscuits and other tidbits everyday

It’s about counting the number of couples lost in a world of their own infront of the hostel from 9pm to 9am

It’s about arranging and re-arranging the furniture in an 8x6 ft room to make it more homely/functional

It’s about all those funny/weird/cute/nostalgic posters/hangings we stick/hang up on the walls

It’s about smiling in greeting to ‘helloo daa’ of the ‘akka’ in reception

It’s about holi which had the entire sharav in pink,green,blue,yellow,gold,silver and wet..

It’s about dandiya where the baski-court vibrates to the tempo of the dandiya sticks

It’s about the disco night which smelled of frankies and bubbled like a soft-drink

It’s about all those useful talks organized – with special mention of the grub as well

It’s about pouring down your cribs/invites/updates/lost n founds in the notice board

It’s about the hostel elections where you would be politely woken up from sleep that you have earned just after a night-out.

It’s about checking the coast clear of monkeys before getting out of your room

It’s about getting back in, whenever you want to, in the night and writing a one word reason in the register infront of the dozed off security guard

It’s about ‘Junta SAC is open’, ‘Room ### visitor waiting’ messages which fill the air throughout the day

It’s about the tears… the emptiness… the anxieties

It’s also about the laughter…the sharing..the fun…the freedom

It’s about.. SHARAV"

Crowning Glory...(past tense)

It's summer in chennai...and the heat waves started as early as Jan.. International Society for Irrelevant Findings and Research located at Germany has come up with the new theory that being subject to intense heat wave can have adverse effect on a person's memory power.. maybe that explains y i have been so dormant in coming up with new posts.

Summer used to be such a nice time in Kerala where i spent my growing years - time for mangoes, watermelons n Jawahar Balabhavans. It used to be the time when year after year my parents discovered how grossly underpaid the primary & secondary school teachers were. Quite a few times, they had tried sending me off to my aunt's place. Then fear of being disowned by close relatives led to an exponential decrease in the duration of stay..

I guess my deep inclination towards scientific experiments had an effect as well. I vaguely remember emptying bottles of tonics, powdered tablets,capsules, talcum powder, chilli powder etc. into the community well to see if the taste of water changes.. At some point of time, when i was much into developing my culinary skills, i had even tried to improve the crunchiness of dosas n chutneys by sprinkling a handful of sand over it. then there was the love for adventure sports - climbing trees, stealing mangoes, cashew nuts (from the neighbour's yard), fishing (neighbour's pond) & picking up fights. I was the uncrowned queen of tummybiting - my success-gauranteed tactic of winning any fights. Thus i grew up - darling of the masses..

Summer was also the time of the annual haircut.. when my mom would mercilessly drag me n my sis to a barber shop (not even a decent beauty parlor until we were about 12 or so) n ask the guy at the counter for "two Boycut please". I used to close my eyes, tears running down my chubby cheeks while the barber snipped off my cowslips n tresses. All those hindi film heroines with long tresses that the heros never get tired of caressing will flick through my mind adding to the agony. once my sis had seriously tried running away from home after such a hair cut. (i gave her my 5 bucks for the bus fare..) But unfortunately, the plan was discovered & the 5 rupee note confiscated.

Parents are so fickle minded, i say.. the same stuff they wanted us to do or not do in childhood..they reverse their stand when u reach maturity (ok..reaching maturity is too much to ask for in my case..i'll rephrase that to 'when u are outta childhood'). They wanted me to eat well when i was a kid, now it is "do u know that it is ur 5th laddoo???" even as i just hungrily eye the lone laddoo.. they wanted me to let go off my mom's pallu n talk to people when in a gathering. now they explain the neccesity of giving other's some time to atleast respond... Being a couch potato & not going out to play with friends was frowned up...the same way they frown on me spending too much time with friends now... same is the case with length of hair. When it used to be ubiquituous 'boy cut' during my primary school years ; the emphasis is now on 'grow as long as you can' hair. This to the extent that my mom complains of having high BP when i talk of getting my hair trimmed...parents..parents..tsk.tsk.. When do i figure them out?

One way i get around this is to change the style of the cut without changing the length much.. Hardly a difference to the casual observer (which includes a vast majority of the male population). But this time it was a different story altogether..

I am sitting in the parlor chair all caped up while the chingee looking hairdresser sprays what smells like pesticide on my hair. I have explained to her the absolute importance of retaining the length n she replies in a language which i believe resembles English. The operation starts. each n every strand of my hair is combed, re-combed, compared against other strands, cut, combed, re-combed and cut again. the process lasts for about 1 hr. i dont know if i had dozed off in the midst, coz the next thing i remember is she telling me "so how do u like it?".. i see in the mirror that she held out very expectantly towards me - the same style that i had before - albeit in a miniature form. she had happily chopped off 4 inches of my oiled-groomed-shampooed-conditioned effort. "Nice" - i say thru clenched teeth..

I just wanna get outta there.. I run to the counter, ask for the bill.. the lady at the counter asks me "do u like the hair cut?".. i say "bill please".. she says "Oh..u look really nice in that"..i am almost in tears. The bill comes to 500 bucks.. no comments..

Back in college... i fish for compliments.. i leave my hair open, swish it around like a horse's tail when it trots...nobody notices.. finally someone asks me "Oh.. you have colored ur hair.??"

I think i will have BP tablets with me the next time i go home to see my mom.

just spreading the good word...

ok.. this is not even trying to be funny.

i am just trying to increase your general awareness.. something about the dept of management studies in IIT-Madras and Samanvay, the B-fest we organised. do take some time out and read and if possible make others do so too..

http://www.hindu.com/2007/01/10/stories/2007011020150500.htm

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/News/News_By_Industry/Services/Education/IIT_Madras_pots_90000_foreign_placement_offer/articleshow/msid-1085542,curpg-1.cms

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1075463.cms
and the official site,

http://www.samanvay.iitm.ac.in/

thank you.

May I come in Sir???

To all the loyal and kind patrons of my blog (yes all 3 of u), maybe at times you have wondered 'does she actually lands herself in situations like these just so that she has something to put in the post??'....hmmph..precious little you know about me, i should say. If you think that i would take the trouble..the effort.. the time.. the audacity .. to be actually in places where I dont have any other go but goof up and make a total ass of myself to the delight of general public and embarrassment of friends (some less loyal ones pretend they dont even know me when out in public)..well i guess, i have to say, you are right.

I have no other logical (did i just use that word in my post? seems like i did.. heeeaaayyy) or even common sensical (oh boy! i am on roll now..) explanations to the stuff that keeps happening to me. not convinced?? want more proof?? oh yeah? oh yeah?? Well.. read on if you can take the truth..

For past few months now, i have been successful in shrinking my friends list in orkut by asking all and sundry for any kind of contacts in organization so that i could talk about my summer internship position with them. With enough pestering and blackmailing our class placement team members got me interview appointments with some firms as well... one of them was a leading automobile(2 wheeler) manufacturing company in India..

Day of interview
-----------------
I read up about the company.. learn to rot my introduction song and dance sequence... scratch my brain or what is left of it for something intelligent or seemingly intelligent question to ask them even if they don't give me a chance at the end of the interview.

My turn... I walk in confidently in high heels, blazer suit..i envisioned myself on the shop floor. men in coveralls working on the 2 wheelers in the assembly line around me. Sparks from the welding machine, sounds of hammers, spanners... I walk on, acknowledging smiles of respect and awe. There seems to be a commotion at the end of the assembly line. crowd parts for me.. It's the new model. something just doesn't seem to be right.. The ignition isn't turning on. I remove a hair pin from my swept-up hairstyle. Tweak some minor bolt or nut... n then press the ignition button.. the engine purrs into life.. applause....and handshakes.. i smile and wave...

Board room meetings. Big men with big pot bellies in dark suits. Major discussion over the new marketing campaign. Heated arguments. i stand up from my seat. Make my compelling argument. Applause and handshakes again...

"there seems to be some mis-communication".... back to earth and reality.. I see the interview panelist (IP) looking at me with a quizzical expression on his face..

me: duh...
IP: seems we haven't been successful in effective communication with your placement committee members
me: oh...
IP: we don't take lady candidates for summer internship positions.
me: huh..

He proceeds to wait patiently for 5 min, watching realisation sink through the non-porous matters in my head and finally dawn up on me.

IP: sorry for the trouble.. as you can see, there is no point in having an interview.
me: duh..
IP: have a nice day then.
me: Ok..

I walk out of the room. I see the next applicant looking expectantly at me. 'How was it?' he mouths.. 'Just great..maybe just a feeling, i think i am gonna make this one. Good luck anyways.'.. i say..


p.s. Cheers and champagne are in order. I did get procure summer placement. But not in the anti-woman company though. For an international electrical company's market research section in India.. hip hip hurraaaay..

Difference between Men & Women..yet another forward.

Since the advent of Internet some jobless specimens of human species have resorted to spend their time in very creative activities which they hope might win them a diploma in human psychology specially that of women. I personally think that the vast cyber world is filled with giga bytes and giga bytes of useless forwards and mailers on idiosyncrasies of women by such Sigmund Freuds.

A friend of mine happened to send across such a forward specially after a very heated argument on male chauvinism. Normally, I would have hit the delete button but this time I thought maybe I should retaliate.

For want of better things to write and keep the site traffic from dwindling(though i am sure this is of not gonna be much help), I am attaching the forward that I received and my reply. I would like to put a disclaimer that most of the replies are quite sarcastic and it is just a reflection of the foul mood that I was in plus the drying up of creative juices due to week long toiling over assignments and meeting deadlines(barely).

1. NAMES:
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out,
they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS:
A man has five items in his bathroom:
a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

10. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

And my reply was..

1.Names:
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,
they will call each other sweetie, sexy, chubby cheeks and cutie.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out,
they will affectionately refer using terms which cannot be uttered in public and that have a ghastly story attached to it.

2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will
(if in an all guys group) - excuse themselves to use the rest room so that the last bakraa pays.
- try hard to remember an occasion that one of the other member has missed out on giving a treat and shove the bill to him gallantly

(if any girl is present) - will gauge the mood as to whether she is offering to pay..pays if she doesn't..goes back home/hostel..and grumble n send forwards like the one attached above.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators - agreed.


3. MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs and misplace/damage/forget about it.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale and somehow figure out an ingenuous method of using it.


4. BATHROOMS:
A man has 2 items in the bathroom -
a toothbrush (which might also double up as a back scratcher when it itches) and a dusty razor.
with regards to soap n towel - they take bath when forced to by their moms or girlfriends..n end up using somebody else's soap n towel

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is high. A man would not be able to identify most of these items - cos he doesn't know the 'a b c' of personal grooming.


5. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.- cos most of the time an apology ends the argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. - coz he just cannot let it be.

6. CATS:
Women love cats

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.- traits of unkind n sadistic behavior in which they indulge in from childhood days ... remember the 'lets beat the shit outta the new kid' activities that boys engage in?

7. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.- then there is no need worrying abt something which is sure to be doomed.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. - he dint have the long sightedness to even think , let alone worry, about future until a lady enlightens him

8. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who doesn't have to worry about the money that his wife spends
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.- and make more money than him

9. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.- it's in his genes..the X chromosome
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.- she gives up hope of a better life

10. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.- at other times he can be found(in a pair threadbare boxers) scratching his armpits n burping on a couch watching a sports channel in TV.

11. NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.- if u can call the prior-to-bed state as good looking....(good looking..peeheeeheee)
Women somehow look more warm and soft with the mellow sunlight streaming through the window and falling on her sleeping face.

If you have reached till this part of the post, just mail me your snail mail address and you have a surprise coming in post for being such a patronizing reader.

What is in a name???

They maybe a minority group, but I know some parents who seek lifelong revenge on their toddlers and give them names which prove more to be a life long stigma rather than an identity. Mala seems like an innocuous name..Couple it with an initial 'D' and voila ..I am not saying more on it. We have a habit of naming our children with names of gods/goddesses. Taking it a step further a relative of mine named his first born 'Jai Hanuman'. The fascination to English terms also gets reflected with disastrous consequences. I had a senior in college called 'Shabby'...

More examples on this..I can keep on writing..But a recent incident has made me a firm believer of the need of naming medicines more appropriately.

the other day, I had valiantly offered a friend of mine my help. The task was to get a list of tablets from the college hospital. Since she was in no condition to cycle down and get it herself, I set myself to the noble deed..

I trotted down the apollo hospital wing in IIT campus...Went over to the counter and gave the list of tablets neatly written in a piece of paper. Now, I pride in having a beautiful handwriting but most people say that a doctor's prescription is easier to read than my handwriting..hmmph.. jealousy. Anyways, I think the attendants over at the counter were bad in reading comprehension or something and kept on asking me to read out the names of the medicine. There were quite a few cases when I have misspelled the name..By an alphabet or so.. The best one was an ointment called Faktu. The 'T' was replaced by '-'. now starts the comedy of errors. A full and impatient line of students behind me in counter..The attendant asks me to say the name..I say 'fak u'. His look turns from surprise to disbelief to anger in milliseconds. I realized what I just said out aloud and

me : "that's what my friend wants. A tube of fak - u ointment"

attendant: "there is no such thing here"

me (hit by a sudden brain wave) : "maybe I have misspelled it.. I'll tell u what it is used for. It is used for haemorrhoid treatment"

attendant: "it should be faktu then"..(and grumbles about his time being wasted by illiterate nincompoops)

sheesh..These guys are fit enough to diagnose and prescribe even. I should have asked my parents to send my sis to the dispensary of a hospital instead of enrolling her in a med school. Would have saved us some pennies as well as taken care of her handwriting.

Now I proceed to the billing section, where they want the name of the student. Unfortunately the lady in billing favors Tamil over English and my command over the language is limited to "Un peru enna? " (what is your name?), "enikku pasikkithu" (I am hungry), "bathroom enge?" (where is the bathroom?). Just enough to get my work done.

The billing lady asks me something which I interpret as 'what do u need these medicines for?' and instead of saying the very detailed and complex symptoms my friend is suffering, I say "piles". She repeats the question and I shake my head vehemently and repeat the same answer. I hear muffled laughter and smirks behind me and choose to ignore it.

I get the bill and to my utmost horror, discover that in place of name of student she has typed in 'piles'.

Onasamsakal - Onam Wishes ..u dumbo.

i know it's been quite some time after onam..but it's now that i finally got around my lack of free time (those who smirk and say 'laziness'..grr.. i got claws) ... so i thought y not upload an image of the flower rangoli that we made in our department.. so here is it.


HAPPY ONAM everybody.. even if it is belated.. what u see above is my design.. oh ya..i'm picasso.

Oops..I did it again...

This post is again gonna be about the main hero (or heroine??) in my blog. My mobile phone. I don't know why these nokia mobiles have a love-hate relationship with me. I love them...They hate me. They are forever trying to lose themselves, throw themselves outta my hand or pocket sometimes to the middle of a road, or elope with some one.

This time again, my latest mobile played seductress and made some unwitting fellow a thief. Whenever I am in an alien land(this time chennai), I try to be the smart alec and decide that I would start speaking the language in a week..Even reading it off bus boards. To make life easier still, I wont even get myself a 'Teach yourself Tamil in 30 days' book. Oh no, I am a genius. I am like Antonio Banderas in 'The 13th Warrior' where he could master speaking in some goddamned language within a night. (btw, isn't he the coolest?? With each facial hair that he shed in 'The Mask of Zorro' , I kept falling deeper and deeper in love with him..Sigh..deeper sigh...)

ha..So..Where was I..This time before I embarked on my MBA course in IIT-Madras, I made my very reluctant dad buy me a new nokia 2610 mobile. Quite a sleeky one.. Maybe it dint like its new owner. Just 1 month after I get to IIT, this shameless mobile tempt some innocent passerby waiting at the guindy bus stop. Cant really blame the fellow if he snatched the chance to unzip my bag while I was busy reading the bus board (written in Tamil..I know aa, pa, tha, ma, va, ka in Tamil script) and made off with my 1 month old cell. By the time I realized, I was on board a bus and 6 km away from the bus stop.

As the title of the post denotes this is 2nd time I am losing my cell. The first time was in pune. I was testing the shock absorbers of my Honda activa on pune roads (read gutters). My then mobile, a curvy sexy nokia 3220, tried doing a somersault from my pocket into the road while I was maneuvering a pothole in a way which would have put a seasoned mud biker to shame. Just as it did this despicable attempt to elope, I stopped my lean and mean machine some 5 meters down the road and rushed back to pocket her. But in that 30 nanosecond, some other poor benevolent soul decided to give shelter and care to my temporarily homeless mobile.

Now I have a nokia (yaa.. I never learn) 6070. My classmates have placed bets with each other on the number of weeks it is gonna last. I am scared that one of them would pocket the mobile in a desperate attempt to win the bet. When I voiced my concern, they assured me that it would never come to that... I wont be in possession of the new mobile till then for them to carry out these actions. With such confidence in my abilities, is it a surprise that I never fail their expectations??

I am gonna do a mrityunjaya homam for my new cell. Now I don't ever let it outta my sight..Carry it around tied in a string around my neck. Lets see if it would help. pls god..pls god.. I'll be a thoroughly good girl from now on... Don't do a "onze, douze, treize.. allez allez allez"with me..

On why I hate green

" I have a green member" my team lead (TL) told me very proudly.

Those of u who think I have started writing titillating stuff ..Hold on.. u haven't heard the whole story yet.

It was one of those days when I started feeling more like an old hag than a yuppie professional. Well, that is the only reason that I can give to my sense of color and attire. Maybe I was trying to cheer myself up wearing neon green t-shirt and a army green jeans with yellow patches. Now now..Don't go ahead and judge me.. Sometimes, I just feel like stealing the thunder from the black and green mainframe screen.

I walk into office and I see smirks, eyebrows raised... I feel pleased. Mission accomplished.

At that point of my professional life I was devoting my time and energy babysitting a batch of programs while they executed and did all sorts of mischeifs and basically report them back to the onsite fellas. If the report goes as 'green' ...Great...If the report goes as yellow or red.. I don't give a damn. I am like the talamasca members in Anne Rice novels (those who read the vampire chronicles and related, might understand).. I just stand back, observe and yawn.. Don't interfere.

but myTL belongs to the ' I take responsibility for my work' category.. He had been trying to instill in me the power of green and stuff.. And had lately given up. He saw me trotting over and mumbled something like "wish I could see that color in the report" or something similar...

Lucky day.. The report came out green. A moment of joy and celebration.. I call my TL over .. ask him to look at the report and pinch himself..throw in an indirect remark on how my feedback form should look very promising... how I should be given lesser work load.. and the usual grievances..

Amidst the congratulatory pats on the back and high fives.. He throws in the aforementioned revelation..

I stand there gaping.. Ok, I once had a crush on this guy.. I had described him as Amul Baby to a friend which he could have overheard. But all that doesn't warrant this..

Me (in rightful indignation) : sir, I really didn't want to know that...

TL (perplexed): huh? know what?

Me : what u said right now... (hmmph the nerve of the guy)

TL : that I have a full green team member now???

Me (realization dawning on me) : OHH... team..team member..

At this point, I think he realizes what I must have heard (or not heard) and just walks off with a dejected sigh..

there is light at the end of the tunnel.

patience..my dearest dahlings. i assure you that i would be writing soon(by august that is).
till then, do drop in and refresh your memory with the earlier posts. spread the word. and ya, i might just upload a pic of mine.. comments (really kind and very flattering ones only) are welcome.

p.s.:- just realised that i cant upload pics straight from the comp. i have to post it, then edit html to give the address...u know what.too much bother...

And I am outta here...

Last day in office... Not very surprisingly, I am not teary eyed or feeling mushy. I am just concerned about the money(which ofcoz I would have to get from my parents) that I have to spend to browse internet,chat, blog,orkut... All these activities that I have been doing for free till now.. hmm.. And yes, free coffee...And thinking of things that I would sorely miss(coz I am going home)...

• staying with my room-mates..
• getting home after midnight..n late parties
• late night movie shows with friends..
• mac donalds/pizza hut/shiamak davar institute dance classes
• impulse shopping to the tune of thousands
• eating out every other night
• weird experimentational cooking
• not tidying up my room/cupboard/kitchen
• wearing clothes too tight/short/low
• treasure hunt every night (my mom would remember where exactly I put my stuff)
• pyjama parties
• waiting for the last day of every month for the paycheque.
• free internet, free internet, free internet
• A/c cabin in this scroching heat from 9 to 5.
• jamuns (the purple sour n sweet ones), pears, apricots, peaches,strawberries,lychees,mulberries and all other fruit varieties that I haven't ever seen sold by roadside vendors in trivandrum
• the occasional trekking,parasailing,horse riding trips with friends.

waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh...I am too sad already.. Pass me the tissue please.sniff sniff..pffffttt..Thank you..

I was sneaking around with a friend's digicam trying to get pictures of my office and not look like someone who would sell it to international terrorists given a chance. But couldn't click much.. People really don't like flashes in their eyes when they are coding. They also complained that I take too much time setting the camera angles and other finer details that they develop cramps being in the same pose. hmmph..No wonder we don't have any super models here..

going home..2 months... haaa... I am sure I'll be bored to death..

p.s. this is not meant to be a post..Was trying time pass blogging to kill time (what else?). Comments like 'go fly a kite, get a life' would put your life in great danger. (have I told you that I know voodoo???)

Case of the missing mobile and toilet flush

Last weekend I spent 1 hr flushing the closet in my bathroom to locate my cell phone. Weird technology??? No, just really absent minded room mate. Before any of u reading this blog (peeheee..ppl reading this blog, whom am I kidding.. I am talking abt me, myself and some dear colleagues of mine whom I bribe to read this) jump into any hasty conclusion, my roomie did not eat the cell phone and then let nature take its path. It was not in the closet to begin with. Now that I have built up an interesting (do I hear ppl snickering?) scene, let me fill in the history and details..

I live with 3 other equally socially incompetent people.. No, that was really mean. They are socially very competent, but try to be on par with me when they are at home with me. Losing cell phones is a daily event. People who can lose something in addition to cell phones and find them before the next morning are considered champions. Reigning champion is SweDi who manage to lose her specs, cell,hair band,hand bag, comb,apartment keys and dupatta in one go. Next would be me. I try topping SweDi with cell phone, charger, bike keys...But in vain.

After 12 o' clock in the night, when everyone is home...We organize the search party.. It is jolly good fun throwing stuff all around trying to find the treasure. By the time we find it, we might have accidentally buried something else and it becomes the treasure for the next day. Don't be fooled that our neighbor's suffer this hullaboo in silence. At about 1 o' clock, we get the routine call from the security guard down stairs to keep our voice down.. We take turns attending the call too..

Security guard (SG): madam, do I have to say this every night?..

me: huh?? What?? U don't really have to wish us good night.

sg: no, to keep ur noise down. It is 1 o clock in the night. One needs to sleep, you see...

me: hey, u r on night duty... I should report this to the society chairman.

sg: no, not me, madam.. I stay awake.. Other people needs to sleep. They shout at me.

me: they shout as well??

sg: yes, they shout ..

me: see, its coz of them then... Its the collective noise which makes it unbearable..I was thinking of calling you up to complain.

sg:(seeing this is getting nowhere) just keep it down please

me: what?? The phone??

sg: (heavy sigh)..no..The noise..ugh..Do whatever u want.. Good night.

me: (patronizing tone) see I told u that u don't have to wish us good night every night..So sweet .

similar exasperatingly obtuse conversation happens everyday.. Well, about the toilet and cell phone treasure hunt. This time, I lost my cell phone.. No I did not exactly lose it.. I clearly remember keeping it along with the daily newspaper in the living room and when I came back after sometime, it was not there.. Paper n phone..All swoosh.. Into thin air. Now the main requirement for this hunt is that nobody shud have any idea where the lost item is. To make it even more fun, they shud come up with contradicting memory shots.

tracking cell phones are easier compared to other items. Due to its ringing tone facility.. But woe befall you if u ever happen to keep it in silent and then go ahead and lose it. Well, I asked my other room mate(AnPal) who wasn't very keen to hunt to keep on giving missed calls in my number and we started scourging the apartment.

After half an hour of searching SweDi decides to use the Jane (we don't call our loo as John) and seconds later she scrambles out crying Eureka... Along with the flush she can hear the cell ringing.. Now, me, SweDi and ReSin are all huddled around the flush straining to hear the ringtone 'Jalak Dikhlaa Jaa' (so very apt) along with the flush. And, we can...!!!

We make SweDi go over each and every item of food that she ate that evening and don't find cell phone as an item. In between we keep flushing to entertain ourselves with the ringtone.. 1 hour of flushing and a half empty sanitary tank later, we find that the song is coming from the window next to the closet. Peer thru the window and we find our waste basket in the hallway singing happily and vibrating as well..(by some weird coincidence AnPal was giving missed calls exaclty the same time we flush)

Case solved. SweDi had scrounged up the newspaper(along with my phone) when she spilled milk on it and put it out in the dustbin in an attempt to clean up the living room. Next week, she says she is gonna tidy up the whole house.. Hope we still have our T.V. after that happens.

Misquoted...

"So..You wanna leave all these..and a pay cheque at the end of every month and study for 2 years??" With that she did a sweeping action across the room with her hands. All I could see in that otherwise empty board room was some cluttered chairs, a white board with words 'synergy', 'effective work', 'people centric', 'soft skills' and more such 'management' words written on them. I didn't think I would miss that.. Thru the glass walls of the room, I could see people poking at keyboards.. Most of them bespectacled.. None of them looked as if having a great time.

I was having my 'Associate Expectation Feedback' meeting. Fancy name for a talk where they try to bully/cajole/coax/blackmail/beg u to stay back in the company. But they knew it was useless with me.. I had made up my mind. Have had enough staring into black and green screens. In one moment of frustration I think I even said I wanted to play with some other type of software...called ideas. But then, what is so new abt a engineering-graduate-of-any-college-with-any-specialization-turned-software-engineer-aspiring-for-better/MBA/Onsite situation? Me?? I am the MBA variety.Nothing else will do.

So I hoped and prayed ..and maybe studied at times too, for a miracle which would entitle me for a seat for an MBA course in IIM.. ButI guess GOD was listening a bit too hard.. He gave me something more.. A seat in IIT-M. (its just an alphabet more...The rest is ranging from mediocre to better than average).

"How did u find ur tenure with us?".. I cut short my flashback to concentrate on the question at hand. RS, the one who is taking my feedback is looking at me quizzically.. "good, very good, extremely satisfying".. She went on..

"OK-ish.. I suppose, I don't have any major grievances", i replied.
She looked real happy to hear that. "ha !" ..and made a tick against 'extremely satisfied'..

"How was the office atmosphere like?? friendly?Colleagues??" she probed..
"Well.. i wasn't sexually harrassed..but with frequent shifting of teams and practically no team activities, i barely know the names of all my team mates to call them friends".

'hmm.." and she wrote something in the book, which turned out to be 'Atmosphere in office highly conducive for effective work and extremely safe for female associates'.

"That's....thats not what i meant"....i protested mildly. "This is just for official purposes. u go on.tell me, y exactly are u resigning?"

I wondered if saying the reason of higher studies a couple of times more would make her believe that i am quitting coz i really do want to be unemployed for 2 years and not coz i have some better job offer in my kitty.

"Coz i got into IIT-Madras for MBA". i replied with a straight face.
"Good. good. and ur native place is quite closer to Madras,right? Isnt that y u r leaving? Closer home? eh?"
i thought i would give in.. i had a good mind to tell her that even if the institute was in Jammu & Kashmir, i would have gone.. but then, that would lead to further qns...
"Yes.. quite close by.. i can just jump over" ..
"Ah"and she wrote next to reason for resignation as 'want to be closer to home'. (What am i? A homing pigeon?).

"Would u be coming back? After you are done?" (done what?? being closer home??)
"i dont suppose so"
"No? Dont u like it here?" ..she looked insulted. And genuinely disappointed that i wont be coming back...
"Uh..coz this is basically a s/w company. There is nothing much for an Management graduate to do here.. i have talked to some in this company itself and ..they say, they dont even have a job"...

"mm..ok". she said finally..Finally, i could get my point across.. was gonna give myself a pat on the shoulder I when i saw the entry on the form 'wanna work in small management companies rather than big technology driven ones'.. hmmph..

"Why did u write it that way?" i couldn't control myself any longer..
"Well.. if we cant help our attrition rates, atleast the associate satisfaction survey should show a rosy picture.. " she smiled beatifically, wished me a good day and left...

Colour blind...

Time and again I have come across quite a lot of PJs, funny anecdotes, blogs on the 'female-shopping-syndrome' topic.. I agree that while there is a grain of truth to the matter (think of dresses as an investment, wont u be picky n choosy too? plus we happen to have much more aesthetic sense, ha),the not-so-fair sex too, is none the less finicky about their attires ...

I have been many a times unceremoniously abandoned by my friends when we go out together and I happen to see any combination of these words FREE,SALE,NEW ARRIVAL,DISCOUNT,REBATE,END OF SEASON displayed in the windows of shops. I lose all sense of time and bank balance (thank god for parents & technology for credit cards). I have bought up things which I haven't worn yet and stuff that I never will... Mainly because it was a steal at that time...If u call that compulsive shopping,then yes I do that. Once in a while I turn a new leaf and try controlling my urge to splurge (hey!! That rhymes..Urge to splurgee..Splurge to urgee...hahha)..

I walk into the ultimate temptation store Either Or with someone who actually wants to buy something and I sit on my hands and test my will power. Most times, I win. But then as an act of rewarding myself I go there the next week and .... hmm..

Oh I digress, abt the male species of homosapiens and the shopping syndrome that they never fail to mock given a chance... Sorry, I wont generalize here. I know most guys who go shopping with the colour/cut/brand/size of the shirt/tshirt/trouser/jeans/undergarments predecided..
they just saunter in and ask for a 'sky blue shirt full sleeve' and walk away with just that.All done and over with in 8 mins flat. Well, this rule does take an exception if the sales girl is cute.. Then the guy is ambiguity embodied... He'll dilly dally around,try on all the shirts, ask her for opinions ( "is it too tight around my biceps?","do u think I should have this in full sleeve or half sleeve.. people tell me I shouldn't hide my forearms,you know" or " Do u think this would go with my red merc/hayabusa?")

but as I said, men usually walk in , take what they get, don't usually alter the piece and be content with it.. I know, they waste their relationship skills on shopping.

I know one who takes the 'loyalty' aspect to the extreme.. We went shopping - me, my friends suvarna and Ali. Or rather Ali went shopping n we tagged along to offer our invaluable comments/advices. Now Ali is a not-too-difficult to please customer as long as u provide him eye-catching colored garments.. Eye-catching is putting it mildly.. When mood takes him, he wouldn't even look at a shirt which is not dyed in yellow (ranging from lemon to mango to the fluorescent variety) and orange (again ranging from the setting/rising sun, carrot hues, brick hues to the fluorescent variety). And at times, the metro-sexual bug gets to him an he suddenly finds it cool (or should I say uber-cool?) to wear shirt in delicate floral n paisleys which would put even a bottle of English Yardley talcum powder to shame.

This time he was in mood for orange...
We were in a store which was giving a discount on summer wear ; mainly men's shirts. Since suvarna n I were contemplating the marketing principles based on the pics of male models (we derived at the conclusion that the best way to advertise for a shirt is to have a bare chested male model, preferably john abraham or upen patel if ur target customer category is female and the same bare chested model placed strategically with few more similarly scantily clad female models would woo the male part of the customer population as well). Content with our new found principles of retail marketing, we gave scarce attention to what ali was upto..

An occasional glance around the store proved how disastrous our temporary lapse in attention had been. There amongst 3 orange shirt we find a very confused looking Ali. And yes, he is asking the sales girl's opinion as well.

what followed was a thorough battle of will power . Finally we somehow managed to convince him that 2 orange shirts and 2 orange t shirts that he already possess cannot not be termed insufficient and his glowing radiance and dazzling complexion would be better suited for more soothing colours like blue or green... Finally he conceded to our requests / blackmails and walked off with a green shirt...Albeit a pista shaded fluorescent one...

well, u cant have it all...

i'll have mine black please...

there are 2 kinds of ppl in this world..dog-lovers and cat-lovers..right??? wrong.. i tell u..there are 2 kinds of ppl in this world...tea drinkers and coffee drinkers.. those whooosies who say that they like both equally are lying. nobody can like no 2 things equally.. i tell u that..and thats the universal truth.
so what am i... i am a coffee addict. i prefer a murky bitter coffee (though thats not the way i like it) anyday to a 'however nicely made' tea. and in my office, one could always find me caressing the coffee machine - work or no work.alas..not anymore...its too much of a bother.

y?? u may ask...or even if u dont ask..i am blog-aly bound to tell u the heart wrenching story. in my office, we used to have a nice pantry section - atleast one for each floor. A coffee cum tea cum whitener cum soup machine brrrring happily in a sunny corner and lotsa nescafe mugs washed up and sparkling in a rack next to it. One, who is tired from all those coding and eyes all bleary due to staring into the black and green screens and fingers numb from all those intra msn messenger chatting, just need to drag himself over there to be rejuvenated. Get any cup from the rack, fill it up with whatever ur lil heart desires.. walk back to ur den and leave ur cup there for the office boys to pick up. That used to be our norm.Who cared for the 'please return the cups to the pantry after use' posters on the machines??? heck!! we are giving the office boys something worth while to do...

But now things have changed. There are no more cups. well, we aren't supposed to put our mouth directly under the dispenser and drink up, but we all have been given a mug each(what is this ??? some sort of a jail?? next thing we will be given a plate to be taken along to canteen).. all dull bleak white with the company logo prominently displayed in red. yuck... and worse, we have to wash it up ourselves..what crap i say!!

just 2 days after the mugs were distributed i promptly went and broke mine into a zillion pieces. that made buying a new coffee mug indispensible. always the one trying to stand out from a crowd, i scrouged the entire city for mugs with sexy/funny/philosophical quotes....all in vain. i remember a particular incident when a shopkeeper handed me a 'that-baby-bottle-mug-like-thing-with-three-holes-on-top' when asked for a mug.(maybe its my tousled hair and unkempt look which made him believe that i have a toddler at home and no time for myself). hhmmphh..ignoramus.the next one to be exhibited was a burning orange-lemon yellow one which is quite probable of causing temporary blindness if viewed under sunlight. the only thing that i found remotely worthy of being displayed in public was one with the zodiac sign printed on it..but again, it was for a capricorn.. and i am a libra. but generous me gifted it to a capri friend of mine.. he kept it in his kitchen shelf and never used it again. so much for gratitude.

finally, i got one for myself... one with beige and lilac vertical streaks with the words 'cappuccino' written on it. not much of a looker...and really big..
but some enlightening conversations at the pantry have provoked me to restart the hunt...excerpts being..

scene 1
me washing my mug up after having coffee..colleague comes up from behind...
colleague(very innocently): oh! cool...u have a pen stand too???

scene 2
me taking coffee. Colleague in queue behind me.
colleague (disgruntled): maybe i'll come after half an hour..u are gonna fill that up arent u?

.... that does it. i am gonna buy another one..

An insight into the male mind...

Ever since I got myself registered with bloggers.com and written maybe a couple of lines (when I couldn’t ignore the itch), changed the template a coupla times, chose the font to my satisfaction(well, not quite...i am still in search of the perfect font)… I had forgotten abt a small space in this whole wide cyberworld which I can call my own. Hmm… well, I would have blogged if every other day in office was like today…now, that doesn’t mean that those who blog have nothing else better to do.
But this hasn’t become an obsessive compulsive habit of mine-blogging..and my uninteresting life is just that…uninteresting.. I even tried to derive inspiration from my past like gr8 bloggers/authors..but alas, either my past is also a boring B n W or I am not (yet) a gr8 blogger/author.
But this habit of mine… starting something and leaving it in the midst … is something which has been with me for quite sometime… books,classes,job... but hey, atleast I start very earnestly. Some ppl don’t even bother..ha..
Speaking of ppl who don’t even bother… the first line that comes to my mind is that by Bridget’s mom in “Bridget Jones’s diary” . gays are ppl who are just too lazy to relate themselves to the opposite sex.. hehe.. wonder if that is true.. could ppl be so lazy that they chose not to understand/appreciate/fulfill women’s needs and become gays? Naaa… I don’t think so… I think most guys would rather just be celibate than ….you know…
Well then again, I cant pass a general comment on this..this is just something that crossed my mind when I saw “Brokeback Mountain” with a bunch of guys.. all I could hear during the intimate love scenes were “ughh…yuccckkkk”… from my guy friends. Most of them couldnt even bear to look at the screen. Later I asked them to imagine a hypothetical situation where in Steven Spielberg comes up to them and asks them to be the lead star in a gay film..to make it more interesting… let it be a film on a couple of friends who are like formula 1 racers… and flies space ships on weekends… only when they are not freaking out in their ‘bad boy’ bikes… ofcourse, the remuneration would be in tune of millions…. In $s ofcourse… would you do that???
A pregnant pause was the answer…

Disclaimer: in case this blog is being read (?) by anyone with same sex orientation, pls don’t be offended… everybody has a right to opinion, isn’t it?

one hell of a ride

last weekend i went to mumbai...for an interview.it went really bad. was for admission to VGSOM,IIT-kharagpur. yes, i am yet another IT professional-turned-MBA-aspirant.
what i am gonna write about is not my interview experience...but what i experienced on way back. for people looking for a laugh. u can stop right here..this is not going to be funny.

i came back to pune by one of these private volvo' s which seems to offer everything except a comfortable ride. anyways... just when we were about to ride off to the sunset, a bunch of guys join in. 3 of them had their eyebrows pierced and one of the 3 had his lower lip pierced. and something resembling small dumb bells dangled from them. spiked hair, bandana, jeans worn so low that i wondered how it stayed up, chunky metallic chains, rings with weird designs on fingers..you know 'the' look. fine ..each to his sense of fashion. i felt antique wearing my torn /faded jeans n floaters.

then the conversation started...no not with me...amongst them..but loud enough for all to hear.. there was just one word which was being used as a noun,adjective,adverb and verb. a four letter word that even when i write down makes me feel squeamish.. well..here goes.. f**k..

so these guys go on..roaring at the top of their voice (bleep)face, (bleep)ing bus, (bleep)ing mumbai, (bleep) everything and anything. everytime they used that word, i could see many ladies and elderly people cringing in their seats. i was angry and wanted to ask them to stop..but i dint,...well..coz i was scared..what if they shout "(bleep) off" at me too???

what i thought at that time was about their parents. would these guys behave the same way if they were there? i believe that if u have to express yourself, you should. but everything has limits. shouting crude expletives at the top of your voice is not a form of personal freedom specially if you are in a crowded bus. some words the lesser used, the better.

a joyful method of self torture

new year...resolution time..as always this year too, i resolve to lose weight..the only progress i see in the new year resolutions i take every time is the no: of kilo's i plan to lose..it is in an arithmetic progression with common difference +3. this time, its 10 kgs (do the simple calculation in ur head..yes i started with losing just 1 kg. those who got it right, 5 points!!!)

but this time..i am real serious, oh ya!! how else can anyone term my sincerity in joining the dance(bharatnatyam) classes 1 month in advance?? and i havent missed any. it is 2 days per week and it is killing me.

i was quite confident when i joined. i had learned something similar a decade back...when my joints were not so rusty..youth's folly,as they say. so this time, i said to myself i'm gonna rock..oops..i meant i'm gonna pirouette n pose in all ways which wud make the audience go 'aawwwe'... my teacher would see the spark of genius in my eyes, she wud think to herself 'aah..atlast, someone who would carry forward the dance form in its true sense. my true disciple'. but ofcourse, she wouldnt betray any such emotion in class. that would be partiality. au contraire, she would be extra tough with me.. with others, she can afford to be lenient..('hmmph...people learning this for time pass'), but with me..no..nooo..

what a misconception. there were quite some new lessons that i learnt apart from the 'thattadavu', 'mettadavu', 'nattadavu'..

lesson 1:- stamina inversely proportional to age
if someone say 'its never too late to start something new', kill her/him.. or better enroll them for a similar method of self torture. to my greatest dismay, i saw myself gasping,panting and almost fainting after the first 15 minutes while the li'l ones there hardly break into a sweat. such a humiliation...

lesson 2:- u 'dance' a dance class
i tried to be inventive.. i need to sustain my energy level without resorting to 10 minute breaks after every 5 minutes of lessons.. and i found one. i mouth the movements. quite simple..others dance and i say 'left hand up, then cross right leg..right leg diagonally in front, look down.then up"..but my brilliance was short lived. my tutor bluntly told me that in bharatnatyam,we move our eyes,hands,legs...but not our tongues..

lesson 3:- if something seems easy, you are not doing it right
i am yet to come across a step which is easy on my aching limbs. once or twice i thought i did, but no..i'm not so lucky..i was just doing it wrong. all easy movements of hands are accompanied with complex movements of legs and vice-versa. and still, we are expected to do it gracefully without grimacing.. look happy, follow the hand gestures, emote..in short no agonizing or constipated looks when you are wondering which hand/leg gestures movement comes next or when your leg cramps get unbearable...grin..

all said and done, i still look forward to those classes...i love it.and who knows, maybe i am the prodigy that every tutor dreams of. ;-)

templates and phobias

ever since i published my first blog, i've been on a editing spree- not the contents, but the looks.i've changed my template ...countless no: of times..but that doesnt really seem to help. still no viewership. how can i make my blog soar high in TRP rating..thats dreaming too big..speaking of templates, for now i settled for this serene blue one. seems like a lighthouse...i always wanted to go up one..at night ofcourse n look at the sea..but then, i dont think i can survive anything of that sort;coz i have astrophobia...that explains why i'm short.

speaking of phobias,i have whole list of them.
claustrophobia (only in closed lifts,though),
hemophobia (i've fainted just before my very first job interview coz my toe was bleeding..mayb i'll write a blog on that..later),
felinophobia (my nose was badly scratched by a kitten long long back..i guess its not a phobia,but strong hatred),
astraphobia (i cry..when it thunders)..
see, reading my blog is quite educational. u get to learn new and useless words.haa...

god!!! i really need to buck up n make this funny.sigh..later maybe..

my very first blog...geee...i'm so excited

to the immense relief of friends,foes n country-men i've started blogging...no, it was not a widespread demand to put my creative instincts to better use..but rather several direct n indirect hints to stop sending them really looooong mails filled with mundane details of my life and whats going on in that cerebrum of mine.
so..my very first blog..aah..i feel the creative itch in me already..but for now,i'll just post something to see how it looks..my baby...haa..