Very recently, a well know actress in Mollywood (malayalam film industry, macha...!!) consulted her lawyer to file a divorce case against her husband of 6 months. That became the flash news in all Malayalam channels - experts/friends/lawyers called in to give their opinion. Serious (or seemingly) newspapers had the front page heading announcing this snippet the next day! why, why, why??? Isn't privacy a right anymore?
it kinda always surprises ...no..not surprises, but amuses me that some people go to any extent to have money..or fame...even 15 mins of it. and most people like to see that on prime time tv.
Yes, i am indeed talking about the new breed of reality shows that is being aired by almost every general entertainment channel nowadays. Game shows - well..almost all are games right?? in a way or the other.
the other day, i caught an episode of 'Rakhi Sawant ka Swayamvar' on TV. Great!! now marriage is a game - a prize to be won & several contestants trying to better each other for the coveted crown. Slightly interesting to note that most of the contestants had some inclination/aspiration towards the glamor world. Is Rakhi trying to get her share of publicity or is the prospective-groom/winner getting his 'ticket to Hollywood'? Seems like a win-win situation for all involved - Rakhi, the winner & the producer of the show.
The part i liked the most was when one of the contenders when he was asked by Ms. Sawant on why he is being so introverted and reticent all the time replied that "i have a lot of stuff to tell you..lotsa things.. (this by the way seems to be the most oft repeated dialogue in the show).. but when i see people watching me.. i cant speak. i am a very private person"...heeeehahahhahahaha.. well, he did proceed to extol his virtues and his intentions in the next 5 mins - just 2-3 millions watching. no biggie !
Another thing about the movie i find really amusing is how Ms. Sawant lowers her fake eyelashes and looks oh-so-coy whenever interacting with husband(s)-to-be. Maybe it is a very obvious hint for a Mr. Johar to sign her up for his next 'filled with family values yet has modern outlook, shot in snow-capped resorts or skyscrapered city' movie
Then there was this "Moment of truth" or rather its indian counterpart "Sach ka Saamna"... Here, apart from publicly humiliating yourself, you could also break your parents' hearts, wreak your marriage and alienate your kids...all for what? for Rs. 10 million. You could at any point of time refuse to play more and leave with all that you have won(?). But why do that? Play on.. a few more heart-breaking, life-wreaking revelations never hurt any one, has it?? Even if it has, am sure it's not as big as anything that could not be mended by 10 million bucks. Or even better, haven't told your wife that you cheated on her?? or to your parents that you'd never forgive them for not buying you that pista ice-cream when you were 5? ..here is your golden chance.
Then there was the MTV / Channel V shows - Roadies, Get Gorgeous, Teen Diva.. more and more..
Why do people - people like you and me and the general public want to see these shows? and more importantly why do we want to see the very personal and most embarrassing moments in other people's life? We hear about couples announcing their divorce on tv - explaining why they are doing it. Contestants rating other co-contestants - voting them out, speaking candidly and often very brutally about what's wrong with them... What if that person who is being verbally thrashed and singled out is someone we know or someone we care about.
We could always say that "nobody forced them to be in the show...if they don't mind sharing, why shouldn't we see?".. Long live free press/media & mediocrity.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Monday, June 01, 2009
Life's like a box of Chocolates...
I don't trust people who say they don't like chocolate.. yeah! like you are done breathing oxygen now..and wanna try something else.. or maybe walking on 2 foot doesn't give you the kicks. i believe they had a rather uninteresting childhood and got their bearings completely wrong.. how can someone not like little pieces of heaven in your mouth?? how..how?? howhowhwhwowowowo??
i've been a chocoholic all my life..and i frankly dont see that changing anytime in the near future as well.Coming to think of it..it's kinda funny that an inanimate object could actually be of so much significance in your life.. Believe me when i say that i learnt life's lessons or made my important decision armed with a choc in hand.
the first thing i ever made was a chocolate milk shake.. that one was straight enough.. u put in milk - cold/hot/lukewarm.. n scoop in 4 table spoons of chocolate powder in it..add sugar if mom is not in kitchen.. stir like crazy..gulp it down..sllluuuurrrrpppppp...
After numerous attempts at making chappatis that looked like exploded view of Africa, srilanka and mutilated donuts.. my mom was quite happy that i could do anything edible at all.. But her happiness was shortlived ...dozens of Cadbury cocoa powder tins started lining the kitchen cabinet. Choco-milkshake became my staple diet. One choco to go with idli, with rice..just before school, back from school, before tuitions.. u get the picture.. Faced with the prospect of refurbishing my entire wardrobe to accommodate my burgeoning waist line, i was asked for a forced resignation from the habit.
But there were still birthdays, family friends coming over & i-stood-first-in-class which could not be avoided. Come to think of it, it is very probable that my above average marks in school was just one of my means to get to guilt-free/ share-free / parental-approved chocolate.
In my teens, i became very picky.. i completely eschewed milk chocolate..what a misnomer, i say!. I got a inclination towards the darker and bitter variety. This actually served me well..not many around me liked the bitter ones..and i got to have them all without bothering about the heartbreaking task of sharing one's chocolates.. and unlike the sweet ones, a little piece of the bitter one goes a long way..
so why do i love them?...not just me, why do most normal, sane people love them? the only theory that i can think up of is... those little dark darlings reminds one of their own childhood....of eating things which tasted good and caring two hoots for their calorific & nutritional values. yes, ofcoz.. u eventually grow up and then get into the rut of adequate servings of vegetables, fibre-rich fruits.. not so much fat..smaller portion sizes..frequent small meals... no red-meat, no fried stuff..and more such self imposed rules to the most satisfying activity in life.
i would be lying through the teeth if i say that i do not think of calories when i buy that thick slab of extra dark belgian chocolate. i mentally calculate the no: of times i should say no to other sweet / fried treats to compensate for my indulgence when i tear off the wrapper and break a big piece outta the slab. but the moment i bite into the rich, creamy, dark, aromatic bit..and let it dissolve in my mouth..i close my eyes and i am back to being a 3 year old..getting her big Dairy Milk Chocolate bar for getting her alphabets right.. The rest of the worries can wait.
i've been a chocoholic all my life..and i frankly dont see that changing anytime in the near future as well.Coming to think of it..it's kinda funny that an inanimate object could actually be of so much significance in your life.. Believe me when i say that i learnt life's lessons or made my important decision armed with a choc in hand.
the first thing i ever made was a chocolate milk shake.. that one was straight enough.. u put in milk - cold/hot/lukewarm.. n scoop in 4 table spoons of chocolate powder in it..add sugar if mom is not in kitchen.. stir like crazy..gulp it down..sllluuuurrrrpppppp...
After numerous attempts at making chappatis that looked like exploded view of Africa, srilanka and mutilated donuts.. my mom was quite happy that i could do anything edible at all.. But her happiness was shortlived ...dozens of Cadbury cocoa powder tins started lining the kitchen cabinet. Choco-milkshake became my staple diet. One choco to go with idli, with rice..just before school, back from school, before tuitions.. u get the picture.. Faced with the prospect of refurbishing my entire wardrobe to accommodate my burgeoning waist line, i was asked for a forced resignation from the habit.
But there were still birthdays, family friends coming over & i-stood-first-in-class which could not be avoided. Come to think of it, it is very probable that my above average marks in school was just one of my means to get to guilt-free/ share-free / parental-approved chocolate.
In my teens, i became very picky.. i completely eschewed milk chocolate..what a misnomer, i say!. I got a inclination towards the darker and bitter variety. This actually served me well..not many around me liked the bitter ones..and i got to have them all without bothering about the heartbreaking task of sharing one's chocolates.. and unlike the sweet ones, a little piece of the bitter one goes a long way..
so why do i love them?...not just me, why do most normal, sane people love them? the only theory that i can think up of is... those little dark darlings reminds one of their own childhood....of eating things which tasted good and caring two hoots for their calorific & nutritional values. yes, ofcoz.. u eventually grow up and then get into the rut of adequate servings of vegetables, fibre-rich fruits.. not so much fat..smaller portion sizes..frequent small meals... no red-meat, no fried stuff..and more such self imposed rules to the most satisfying activity in life.
i would be lying through the teeth if i say that i do not think of calories when i buy that thick slab of extra dark belgian chocolate. i mentally calculate the no: of times i should say no to other sweet / fried treats to compensate for my indulgence when i tear off the wrapper and break a big piece outta the slab. but the moment i bite into the rich, creamy, dark, aromatic bit..and let it dissolve in my mouth..i close my eyes and i am back to being a 3 year old..getting her big Dairy Milk Chocolate bar for getting her alphabets right.. The rest of the worries can wait.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Statistics be Damned..
A finance professor of mine told the class once that the worst way to start a day is by reading the daily paper.He says 'You wake up, all charged up, sing a 80's song about sunshine & new-starts, plop down in your fav chair, grab that cuppa and whiff at the tantalizing rich aroma of coffee and full cream, take a sip and then you spoil it all.. you open the paper. The first thing you see .. murder, rape, kidnap, turmoil, earthquake, bears running loose in stock market..Now is this what you want to read first thing in the morning?? Save your newspapers for afternoons, when you are in office and feels like having a siesta.. Nightmares..errr..daymares guaranteed. '
Bad thing about me is that.. i dont follow advice until i am once bitten. It was true as a 4 year old when my mom asked me not to play with matchsticks... and this queer character flaw stays put till now too..No, not playing with matchsticks..the not-listening to the 'experienced' thing.
But then again.. this 'reading paper in morning' is not much of a problem with the kind of papers that i subscribe to. Economic Times & Business Line are hardly the ones the people would expect to find accidents & kidnaps detailed in all its goriness & grotesque. Nor does it treat 'Sanjay Dutt can now legally marry' as a subject of national importance and put it up in the front page with a 4x6 pic of a beaming Mr. Dutt like TOI does.
But then lightning struck. I was chewing on the toast and skimming the paper i glanced at the article on the front page - 'Divorce rates on the rise among couples in Metros'... the article further explained that last year saw a growth of about 50% in the divorce rates..specially for couples living in the tier -I cities of India. Irregular work timings, increase in the number of women in work force, nuclear families, growing financial independence amongst 20yr olds...etc..etc.. these were just some of the reason.
The toast stuck. Hardly three month into marriage, would we fall prey to the statistics??? A shiver run down my spine.. A fast-forward of Sex & the City & Bridjet Jones' Diary snapshots run thru my mind. Not that they are divorced.. but they are alone..and pushing 30. Damn.
On way to office in a rickety auto-rickshaw, i hear the over-enthused RJ giving bored listeners tips to make the upcoming Valentine's day all the more exciting..well..to make up for the dull n dreary economy if nothing else... Tips were as cheap as Big Bazaar prices really... Stuff like put hand-written cards n hide them where your friends/family/foe is least likely to find it... or ..plan and make a special dish and surprise your loved ones for dinner instead of the usual dal-roti or whatever... or send a small gift via courier or someone to the recipient's office instead of home address. That sure would boost the GDP, I snickered .. But hey, probably i can use that... and then write a book on how not to be in the divorcing metro couple list...or atleast a blog.. hmmm.. fantabulous idea.
cards.. cards.. hand written??? i imagined writing sweet-nothings in a post-it and sticking it to my hubby's wallet..But then i was never good at writing..(well, you should know that by now).. and these sweet nothings..hmm.. how would i dream that up??? well, guess i can just try translate some Hollywood love songs. Googled up for the hit love songs in hindi cinema.. and got these..
"Masakali..masakali..."(googled for meaning of masakali and found it was a white pigeon).. huh.. would he take it as a stool pigeon?? pigeon is hardly the word for your spouse..
"Tera emotional atyachar..." ..well..hmm.. i guess i should try other methods...
Home made meal?? yeah!!! i can do that.. i can cook...even if painfully slow..i sure can cook. I tried making biryani... painstakingly and perfectly i started with the washing, peeling, chopping, grating, slicing, grinding, sauting, frying, tempering, boiling....by the time i finished making dinner, it was 1 am.. he was fast asleep (after having 2 packets of good-day biscuits & 3 litres of water to quench hunger).. and i didnt have the heart to wake the poor soul to eat dinner.
That left just... flowers. This just cannot go wrong. I mean... how can it?? I place order online, pay by credit card (oh.. don've credit card....hmm..can use colleague's card after some maska..damn!! these flowers cost a lot.), fill in the address & time of delivery, click submit & just wait for those scary statistics in head to fade away.
Day of delivery
___________
Was supposed to be delivered at 10 am.. Me wait impatiently with phone in hand to hear super excited hubby call to thank for the flowers delivered at office.
10.30 am.. No call.. Checks if phone silent / switched on/ got network.
10.35 am.. Still no call.
10.37 am... I call him.. How was the day? fine.. Watssup!! Nothing much..
Call up the flower-fellas to realize i entered his no: wrong. They were trying to reach him to confirm delivery address since 9.30 am.. So much for 'cant go wrong online' confidence.
11.30 am... the damned flowers are finally delivered.
11.32 am.. Bemused hubby calls & asks 'Honey,.. any idea why a Mr. Venugopal is sending me roses?'
Damn the florists.. They put the credit card billing address as the sender's details..
Bad thing about me is that.. i dont follow advice until i am once bitten. It was true as a 4 year old when my mom asked me not to play with matchsticks... and this queer character flaw stays put till now too..No, not playing with matchsticks..the not-listening to the 'experienced' thing.
But then again.. this 'reading paper in morning' is not much of a problem with the kind of papers that i subscribe to. Economic Times & Business Line are hardly the ones the people would expect to find accidents & kidnaps detailed in all its goriness & grotesque. Nor does it treat 'Sanjay Dutt can now legally marry' as a subject of national importance and put it up in the front page with a 4x6 pic of a beaming Mr. Dutt like TOI does.
But then lightning struck. I was chewing on the toast and skimming the paper i glanced at the article on the front page - 'Divorce rates on the rise among couples in Metros'... the article further explained that last year saw a growth of about 50% in the divorce rates..specially for couples living in the tier -I cities of India. Irregular work timings, increase in the number of women in work force, nuclear families, growing financial independence amongst 20yr olds...etc..etc.. these were just some of the reason.
The toast stuck. Hardly three month into marriage, would we fall prey to the statistics??? A shiver run down my spine.. A fast-forward of Sex & the City & Bridjet Jones' Diary snapshots run thru my mind. Not that they are divorced.. but they are alone..and pushing 30. Damn.
On way to office in a rickety auto-rickshaw, i hear the over-enthused RJ giving bored listeners tips to make the upcoming Valentine's day all the more exciting..well..to make up for the dull n dreary economy if nothing else... Tips were as cheap as Big Bazaar prices really... Stuff like put hand-written cards n hide them where your friends/family/foe is least likely to find it... or ..plan and make a special dish and surprise your loved ones for dinner instead of the usual dal-roti or whatever... or send a small gift via courier or someone to the recipient's office instead of home address. That sure would boost the GDP, I snickered .. But hey, probably i can use that... and then write a book on how not to be in the divorcing metro couple list...or atleast a blog.. hmmm.. fantabulous idea.
cards.. cards.. hand written??? i imagined writing sweet-nothings in a post-it and sticking it to my hubby's wallet..But then i was never good at writing..(well, you should know that by now).. and these sweet nothings..hmm.. how would i dream that up??? well, guess i can just try translate some Hollywood love songs. Googled up for the hit love songs in hindi cinema.. and got these..
"Masakali..masakali..."(googled for meaning of masakali and found it was a white pigeon).. huh.. would he take it as a stool pigeon?? pigeon is hardly the word for your spouse..
"Tera emotional atyachar..." ..well..hmm.. i guess i should try other methods...
Home made meal?? yeah!!! i can do that.. i can cook...even if painfully slow..i sure can cook. I tried making biryani... painstakingly and perfectly i started with the washing, peeling, chopping, grating, slicing, grinding, sauting, frying, tempering, boiling....by the time i finished making dinner, it was 1 am.. he was fast asleep (after having 2 packets of good-day biscuits & 3 litres of water to quench hunger).. and i didnt have the heart to wake the poor soul to eat dinner.
That left just... flowers. This just cannot go wrong. I mean... how can it?? I place order online, pay by credit card (oh.. don've credit card....hmm..can use colleague's card after some maska..damn!! these flowers cost a lot.), fill in the address & time of delivery, click submit & just wait for those scary statistics in head to fade away.
Day of delivery
___________
Was supposed to be delivered at 10 am.. Me wait impatiently with phone in hand to hear super excited hubby call to thank for the flowers delivered at office.
10.30 am.. No call.. Checks if phone silent / switched on/ got network.
10.35 am.. Still no call.
10.37 am... I call him.. How was the day? fine.. Watssup!! Nothing much..
Call up the flower-fellas to realize i entered his no: wrong. They were trying to reach him to confirm delivery address since 9.30 am.. So much for 'cant go wrong online' confidence.
11.30 am... the damned flowers are finally delivered.
11.32 am.. Bemused hubby calls & asks 'Honey,.. any idea why a Mr. Venugopal is sending me roses?'
Damn the florists.. They put the credit card billing address as the sender's details..
Saturday, January 03, 2009
He says... She says..
My single & available (lucky creepos) friends would fly down and kick me in the posterior side of anatomy with a well heeled shoe or throw stones at me if i even utter the M word. They say they have heard it too much from me to last a lifetime. The committed/tied-up ones empathise too much and say "i know..and over here it is.." and make me listen to their version of the story. That leaves me with not much choice other than blogging about it. Here i can use the M word without fearing a violent death. Marriage... phew.. that feels like a load off my chest, i say.
They say..it is all about give n take. The question is who gives?? and who takes?? I guess the score keeps changing.. and nobody truly wins and no-one loses either. Had the conversation between him & her been a part of a badminton, i am sure it would have topped the BWF World Championship's nail-biting anticipation as to who'd emerge the champion. You've serves, counter-serves, fakes, smashes, dropshots..and what-nots..
Rally 1:
He: Arrrgghhh.. there is hair covering every inch of the bathroom floor.
She: not mine.. yours..
He: Oh ya... i have hair which is 10 inches long??
Score 1-0
They say..it is all about give n take. The question is who gives?? and who takes?? I guess the score keeps changing.. and nobody truly wins and no-one loses either. Had the conversation between him & her been a part of a badminton, i am sure it would have topped the BWF World Championship's nail-biting anticipation as to who'd emerge the champion. You've serves, counter-serves, fakes, smashes, dropshots..and what-nots..
Rally 1:
He: Arrrgghhh.. there is hair covering every inch of the bathroom floor.
She: not mine.. yours..
He: Oh ya... i have hair which is 10 inches long??
Score 1-0
She: hmmph.. that's y i asked you to let me go to that spa thingie.. they do hair-fall cure spa massages.. only for 3000 bucks per sitting!
He: I got a better idea. Why dont we go off to thirupati and shave your entire head? No hair..no hairfall.. Easier on the wallet too!!
He: I got a better idea. Why dont we go off to thirupati and shave your entire head? No hair..no hairfall.. Easier on the wallet too!!
Score 2-0
Rally 2:
He: honey..where is my comb??
She: it's on top of the suitcase..under the clothes.
He: (rummages thru and finds the comb) y did u keep clothes on top my hair comb.
She: coz there aint any where else to keep them..you refused to buy a rack..and by the way, y keep the hair brush there?
He: Hair brush can be kept there. it can also be kept on top of the fridge, the mattress, coffee-table..where-ever i wish to keep it.
Rally 2:
He: honey..where is my comb??
She: it's on top of the suitcase..under the clothes.
He: (rummages thru and finds the comb) y did u keep clothes on top my hair comb.
She: coz there aint any where else to keep them..you refused to buy a rack..and by the way, y keep the hair brush there?
He: Hair brush can be kept there. it can also be kept on top of the fridge, the mattress, coffee-table..where-ever i wish to keep it.
fault ..Score 2-1
She: darling ..i think you missed a turn there.. we are lost
He: uh..no, we aren't.. i still have that thing called direction sense.. i can make it out.
She: cant we just ask someone. Am sure they would be able to help us out.
He: But i dont need any directions. I got it all figured out..
(more turns and twists later)He: We wud've reached home by now only if i did not listen to you while taking that turn. Next time when i drive nobody gives directions.
She: darling ..i think you missed a turn there.. we are lost
He: uh..no, we aren't.. i still have that thing called direction sense.. i can make it out.
She: cant we just ask someone. Am sure they would be able to help us out.
He: But i dont need any directions. I got it all figured out..
(more turns and twists later)He: We wud've reached home by now only if i did not listen to you while taking that turn. Next time when i drive nobody gives directions.
fault... Score 2-2
She: no...no...NOOOOO.. we are not gonna buy one more thing that start with a lower case i. i've had enuf of this madness.
He: you've 2 tubes of face-wash
She: correction, one face wash n one face scrub
He: whatever.. 2 tubs of that ugggh smelling cream
She: day wear & night wear.
He: hmmph.. and 2 dozen sticks of that lip-color
She : you cant expect me to use the same color lipstick for all dresses..
He: of coz not... but if i want 2 ipods?? that's too much???
She: no...no...NOOOOO.. we are not gonna buy one more thing that start with a lower case i. i've had enuf of this madness.
He: you've 2 tubes of face-wash
She: correction, one face wash n one face scrub
He: whatever.. 2 tubs of that ugggh smelling cream
She: day wear & night wear.
He: hmmph.. and 2 dozen sticks of that lip-color
She : you cant expect me to use the same color lipstick for all dresses..
He: of coz not... but if i want 2 ipods?? that's too much???
(umpire has given up on the score keeping)
She: i do feel really strongly about this issue (issue = any arbit variable can be put in here)..
He: but, it is really not a big thing honey.. you shouldnt get upset about it at all
She: oh but i am... this is something which is important to me..and it bothers me.
He: but honey.. what i am saying is.. if u just think of this as non-significant, it wont bother you much..can't you get that?
She: So what you are really telling me is... though you know i feel this is important..and hence bothered by it.. you would rather belittle the significance i have placed on this and play it down so that i feel stupid about being bothered about it and shut up..instead of doing something about it so that i feel better about the notion that you have put in your efforts for something that is not significant for you normally...but important for you by virtue of being important for me??? is that what you are trying to say???
He: huh..uh..hmm.. wha..???
She: i do feel really strongly about this issue (issue = any arbit variable can be put in here)..
He: but, it is really not a big thing honey.. you shouldnt get upset about it at all
She: oh but i am... this is something which is important to me..and it bothers me.
He: but honey.. what i am saying is.. if u just think of this as non-significant, it wont bother you much..can't you get that?
She: So what you are really telling me is... though you know i feel this is important..and hence bothered by it.. you would rather belittle the significance i have placed on this and play it down so that i feel stupid about being bothered about it and shut up..instead of doing something about it so that i feel better about the notion that you have put in your efforts for something that is not significant for you normally...but important for you by virtue of being important for me??? is that what you are trying to say???
He: huh..uh..hmm.. wha..???
(umpire baffled..quits job and takes up Art of Living classes)
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
What men want...(n how to get it)
The answer is quite simple. But i am not gonna give that out in a platter yet. U'll have to take the pain of reading thru the entire post..or atleast a few sentences.
The other day a male friend of mine was cribbing about how misleading our statements are. We (ok..from now on, when i say 'we', i mean 'women' a.k.a the 'fairer sex') say things which tug at their heart strings....who am i kidding..we say things which turn them on... maybe not exactly physically..but in some emotional level atleast. Now, what are these kind of statements??? Here is a sampler
"Oh!! i feel as if i could talk to you about everything and anything...u understand me...soo...sooo...wonderfully and completely"
" being with u comes so naturally... i dont even feel the need to put on an act"
"u r such a cutie pie/ teddy bear/ cootchie wootchie / bablishkoochipum..."
" dont be sooo nice yaar... u r too sweet for your own good"
I generally try to explain this with 'the ladder theory'. Most part of ladder theory i think is disparaging towards women, but the '2 ladders for women Vs. 1 ladder for men' part is too real to be pooh-poohed away. No i didn't make this up, it was proposed by Dallas Lynn & Jared Whitson way back in 1994. If you don't believe me go google for your self.hmmph.
Ladder theory, among other things, says that men and women in course of their interaction with members of the opposite sex, place them in different positions of a psychological ladder.
For men, there is just one ladder- the real ladder. The top positions would be the given to ones who men find really attractive,hot ....basically the ones for whom they would chew off their hand and leg to go to bed with. As u go down the ladder, the intensity of urge 'to have sex with' gets lower...and towards the bottom u find the less pretty/attractive ones... hmm...which basically leads to the conclusion that, regardless how great you are men place you in the ladder based on looks..looks..and looks. The second crieterion would be 'how good your chances are with her'.
Women on the other hand, have 2 ladders..the friends ladder and the real ladder. Based on certain crieteria, we put u on either of these 2 ladders..So if you find a girl telling these stuff with a real sincere look in her eyes and a quiver in her lips... you probably are pretty high up in the 'The Friends Ladder'. No hurt feelings, chances are that she probably doesn't see you that way.. Sorry guys, you are barking up the wrong ladder.
The other day a male friend of mine was cribbing about how misleading our statements are. We (ok..from now on, when i say 'we', i mean 'women' a.k.a the 'fairer sex') say things which tug at their heart strings....who am i kidding..we say things which turn them on... maybe not exactly physically..but in some emotional level atleast. Now, what are these kind of statements??? Here is a sampler
"Oh!! i feel as if i could talk to you about everything and anything...u understand me...soo...sooo...wonderfully and completely"
" being with u comes so naturally... i dont even feel the need to put on an act"
"u r such a cutie pie/ teddy bear/ cootchie wootchie / bablishkoochipum..."
I generally try to explain this with 'the ladder theory'. Most part of ladder theory i think is disparaging towards women, but the '2 ladders for women Vs. 1 ladder for men' part is too real to be pooh-poohed away. No i didn't make this up, it was proposed by Dallas Lynn & Jared Whitson way back in 1994. If you don't believe me go google for your self.hmmph.
Ladder theory, among other things, says that men and women in course of their interaction with members of the opposite sex, place them in different positions of a psychological ladder.
Women on the other hand, have 2 ladders..the friends ladder and the real ladder. Based on certain crieteria, we put u on either of these 2 ladders..So if you find a girl telling these stuff with a real sincere look in her eyes and a quiver in her lips... you probably are pretty high up in the 'The Friends Ladder'. No hurt feelings, chances are that she probably doesn't see you that way.. Sorry guys, you are barking up the wrong ladder.
Ok..now..what's done is done..You r inadvertenly in the wrong ladder of your li'l Miss. Perfect. Now how do you do a long jump and land smartly on the other ladder without spraining your neck or breaking the rung? I'm gonna unabashedly spill the beans and become a traitor of my sisterhood... 3 Rules, if applied right which can save your day..
Rule 1: Be Scarce
Her fingernail broke?? Need a lift for the all girl outing?? She's bored and cant think of anything else to do... so just called up??? Oh come on.. dont be such a wussy.. remember the supply-demand curve from economics class??? Make yourself scarce. Say 'No'.. at times.. Dont always answer the phone on the second ring itself. Sometimes don't answer at all. (not when she is travelling alone n there is a psycho killer on prowl n she is trying to reach you!).
The moment she realizes that you r not going to be at her beck and call, she probably would start valuing your time and you a bit more than earlier. Scarcity thy name is appeal.
Rule 2: Bring out the green-eyed monstor
This has to be done in close conjunction with rule 1. Talk about other girls.. Ask her about her cute best friend. Flirt.. specially when she can see you doing that. (Pre-requisite: Get good at flirting, dont end up getting 'rolling eyes' or worst black eyes).
If only i could count the number of times i've bought stuff i never wanted or needed, just coz there was another girl eyeing the same thing...
Rule 3: Play the role
Want her as your girlfriend?? then treat her like one.. No more Perks & Munches passing off as chocolate. Pani puri n Vada Pav at the road stall isnt gourmet food exactly too. Make the moments special. You would know what makes her feel special...do it. Kicks n punches n put-downs are what 5 yr old boys resort to when they like a girl. Grow up. No need to splurge all the time..Look at her (no! not the raised eye-brow look), give a compliment (and mean it!), be a gentle man..
Now for the disclaimers:
Know thy ladder - This is for those unfortunate souls who want to get their toehold in the real ladder. If you are already in the real one (and high up in that as well), above mentioned activities can result in you getting dumped.
Higher the better/worse - If you happen to be the '4am friend', the one she confides in, the one she calls up to soothe a broken heart...in short the comfortable but not so glamorous 'old shoe'... well...you my friend are in a dicey situation.. There is no surety for what would happen next. She could be as comfortable with you as she is with her (the dreaded word) 'brother' n might not be able to even picture you in anyother way.. orrrrr.... she is a real soft target for your ulterior motives. Depends on how you play the game, mate!
Be in Character - whatever you do, make it believable.. If you r the silent, shy type.. dont turn into Johnny Bravo overnight. But at the same time when u take an effort, make her notice it...subtle-ly.
For this immense help and guidance to the clueless part of human race... you can show your gratitude by sending the appreciation letters pinned to 1000 buck notes. For the complete address, just leave a comment :)
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Jobs your Landlords/ladys wont understand..
Some of you might have seen this ad for MTV "on Jobs2" (ya..i had too much time on my hands and a tv at my disposal in hotel room)..well the tag line is 'jobs your parents wont understand'...the ad shows a heart-broken mom crying clutching a bottle of liquor which she found from her daughter's room.. and a baffled daughter trying to say she is a bartender..
well..i think my job should feature there..not as one that 'parents dont understand'...but 'jobs that potential landlords dont understand'... here goes a sample conversation when i am trying to get details abt their apartment..
me: acha bhayya.. kiraya kitna hai??
ll(land lord) : pehle yeh batao..aap kaam kahan pe karti hain?
me (i switch to english coz my hindi vocab doesnt support my job description) : i work with "people interactive"
ll: pepaall..intraaa.....??? kya??
me: inter active...activee.....
ll: acha..acha.. kya kaam hain?
me: i am the asst. product manager there.
ll: matlab?? kya kaam hain??
me: bhaisaab..yeh shaadi.com, makaan.com is sab ka parent company hain.. and i am in charge of shaadi.com.
ll: achaa..achaa... shaadi karvate hain kyaa..achchi baat hain.. meri ek behen hi beti hain.. Computer shamputer kar rahi hain..
me (jumping in): NOOO..noo..not that kind.. i dont arrange marriages.
ll (quizzical look): toh phir??? mandap sajaane ka kaam karte hain kya?
me: no..it is analytics. and market research.
ll: arrreeeyyy..kaam kyaa hain?
me: i..i look at data and say which segments are more profitable. where to put an extra push on. or which offer to give. or what are the relevant search parameter. how i can optimize the product..and do focus groups..and some internal marketing ..you know..
ll: yeh hui naa baat. (turns to the broker and asks) kuch samjhe???
That place did not work. It seemed that the owner was more concerned with the amount of water I use than the deposit amount or rent.. he wanted to how many buckets of water I used for my morning ablutions & bath. How often I took a head-bath. I started wondering if he would kick me outta the home if I happened to have a runny tummy. Dejected..and frustrated me and moi property broker try our luck at the next place. But this time, the broker chap told me to keep mum on the job issue and he will handle it in his way.
ll: kaam??
bc (broker chap): haan..haan..karti hain..
ll: woh toh samaj mein aaya..lekin kahaan??
bc: company mein.
ll: arey bhai..woh bhi pata hain..kaunsi company??
bc: badi company hain? dus barah lakh milti hain?
ll(very curious now): woh kaunsi company hain??
bc: peepal intraa
ll: koi bpo vpo hain kya?
bc: aisa hi samaj lijiye.. (and i sigh deeply in the background)
well..that place too did not suit the budget. It had a bedroom with A/c, fridge, washing machine, & a TV for 15000 bucks…that is if I don’t use the aforesaid facilities. For each of the equipment I use, the rent increases by 1500-3000 bucks. Well… bollocks…my dad is no Ambani.
I just wanted the ‘third time lucky’ so badly that I had devised a strategy which would fit like a glove. Off we went to the third place…
ll: kaam ?
me: bank mein manager.
ll: bhadiya...
and so i got a place to live ..phew.
well..i think my job should feature there..not as one that 'parents dont understand'...but 'jobs that potential landlords dont understand'... here goes a sample conversation when i am trying to get details abt their apartment..
me: acha bhayya.. kiraya kitna hai??
ll(land lord) : pehle yeh batao..aap kaam kahan pe karti hain?
me (i switch to english coz my hindi vocab doesnt support my job description) : i work with "people interactive"
ll: pepaall..intraaa.....??? kya??
me: inter active...activee.....
ll: acha..acha.. kya kaam hain?
me: i am the asst. product manager there.
ll: matlab?? kya kaam hain??
me: bhaisaab..yeh shaadi.com, makaan.com is sab ka parent company hain.. and i am in charge of shaadi.com.
ll: achaa..achaa... shaadi karvate hain kyaa..achchi baat hain.. meri ek behen hi beti hain.. Computer shamputer kar rahi hain..
me (jumping in): NOOO..noo..not that kind.. i dont arrange marriages.
ll (quizzical look): toh phir??? mandap sajaane ka kaam karte hain kya?
me: no..it is analytics. and market research.
ll: arrreeeyyy..kaam kyaa hain?
me: i..i look at data and say which segments are more profitable. where to put an extra push on. or which offer to give. or what are the relevant search parameter. how i can optimize the product..and do focus groups..and some internal marketing ..you know..
ll: yeh hui naa baat. (turns to the broker and asks) kuch samjhe???
That place did not work. It seemed that the owner was more concerned with the amount of water I use than the deposit amount or rent.. he wanted to how many buckets of water I used for my morning ablutions & bath. How often I took a head-bath. I started wondering if he would kick me outta the home if I happened to have a runny tummy. Dejected..and frustrated me and moi property broker try our luck at the next place. But this time, the broker chap told me to keep mum on the job issue and he will handle it in his way.
ll: kaam??
bc (broker chap): haan..haan..karti hain..
ll: woh toh samaj mein aaya..lekin kahaan??
bc: company mein.
ll: arey bhai..woh bhi pata hain..kaunsi company??
bc: badi company hain? dus barah lakh milti hain?
ll(very curious now): woh kaunsi company hain??
bc: peepal intraa
ll: koi bpo vpo hain kya?
bc: aisa hi samaj lijiye.. (and i sigh deeply in the background)
well..that place too did not suit the budget. It had a bedroom with A/c, fridge, washing machine, & a TV for 15000 bucks…that is if I don’t use the aforesaid facilities. For each of the equipment I use, the rent increases by 1500-3000 bucks. Well… bollocks…my dad is no Ambani.
I just wanted the ‘third time lucky’ so badly that I had devised a strategy which would fit like a glove. Off we went to the third place…
ll: kaam ?
me: bank mein manager.
ll: bhadiya...
and so i got a place to live ..phew.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Just the way I am
"I am whatever you say I am
If I wasn't then why would I say I am
I dont know it's just the way I am"
...or so goes a song from Eminem.. and why suddenly the introspection and quest for self realization?? it's testimonial time durin the farewell phase of my MBA life in IIT.
anyone could write about anyone...and that could get printed in the year book. i wrote about a few - sarcastic, dry lines.. and some wrote about me...i wont go into who wrote what..coz i dont know all. names were withheld, but some i could guess. and some could have been anyone. what i liked was the intense contrast in the judgement..
for some ..i was hardworking.. the one who stays up till wee hours of morning, trying to be the perfectionist.. and for some, i could have reached heights if not for my laziness. I fail to see the common ground. for some..
and then there was the usual dancing, drawing - creative stuff. As the adage goes 'in the land of blind, the one eyed is the king'.. applicants to MBA program were not chosen for their artistic ability, and i happened to doodle more than i write notes in classes. my dreary and bleak hostel walls, combined with my intense boredom made them a good canvas to draw whatever i fancied... the end effect - it looks like a painting exhibition and i probably would have repaint the entire room before i hand over my keys.
Petty digression aside... what would your friends say, if they have been asked about you?? in a very candid, bare-all interview.. it could be an anonymous judgement.. what do they truly think of you?
Do they think that you are a pleasure to be with? or you are just lost in your own world..oblivious to everything?
Are you the eternal Miss/Mr. Sunshine?? or do they have to watch out for the mood tantrums?
Are you conscientious to the core so much that it is a pain?? or are u the unscrupulous kind when the situation so favors??
Do you encourage others..your loved ones..when they venture into new horizons?? or are you the anchor which weighs them down..ever critical..always the cynic?
Does any of your adjudicators see beyond the shell that you might have purposefully or inadvertently created? or are they just not bothered?
Does any one of them wish that they could preserve the memories in small bottles like perfumes...and smell it when they want to relive the moments??
Are you respected for what you are ?? or what you believe in??
.... and going back to what i started with..
are u whatever they say you are??
If I wasn't then why would I say I am
I dont know it's just the way I am"
...or so goes a song from Eminem.. and why suddenly the introspection and quest for self realization?? it's testimonial time durin the farewell phase of my MBA life in IIT.
anyone could write about anyone...and that could get printed in the year book. i wrote about a few - sarcastic, dry lines.. and some wrote about me...i wont go into who wrote what..coz i dont know all. names were withheld, but some i could guess. and some could have been anyone. what i liked was the intense contrast in the judgement..
for some ..i was hardworking.. the one who stays up till wee hours of morning, trying to be the perfectionist.. and for some, i could have reached heights if not for my laziness. I fail to see the common ground. for some..
and then there was the usual dancing, drawing - creative stuff. As the adage goes 'in the land of blind, the one eyed is the king'.. applicants to MBA program were not chosen for their artistic ability, and i happened to doodle more than i write notes in classes. my dreary and bleak hostel walls, combined with my intense boredom made them a good canvas to draw whatever i fancied... the end effect - it looks like a painting exhibition and i probably would have repaint the entire room before i hand over my keys.
Petty digression aside... what would your friends say, if they have been asked about you?? in a very candid, bare-all interview.. it could be an anonymous judgement.. what do they truly think of you?
Do they think that you are a pleasure to be with? or you are just lost in your own world..oblivious to everything?
Are you the eternal Miss/Mr. Sunshine?? or do they have to watch out for the mood tantrums?
Are you conscientious to the core so much that it is a pain?? or are u the unscrupulous kind when the situation so favors??
Do you encourage others..your loved ones..when they venture into new horizons?? or are you the anchor which weighs them down..ever critical..always the cynic?
Does any of your adjudicators see beyond the shell that you might have purposefully or inadvertently created? or are they just not bothered?
Does any one of them wish that they could preserve the memories in small bottles like perfumes...and smell it when they want to relive the moments??
Are you respected for what you are ?? or what you believe in??
.... and going back to what i started with..
are u whatever they say you are??
Thursday, December 20, 2007
1st house on left, Down Memory Lane.
parents are queer people..i guess..all our lives we try to figure them out. and they reciprocate the curiosity and concern by trying to figure (read it as fix) us out. by the time we get a hang of things, in all probability, we have another bunch of weirdos trying to do the same on us..oh ya!! our kids.the vicious circle of life.
case in point - my parents.. yes, ofcourse.. i love them to bits and all that. but at times i wonder..how would have i turned out, if i was born in some other household.
my dad is the strong proponent of the idea that a child's most active brain cell development takes place during the time he/she is in the 3-7 age group. he never gave up trying to develop those non-existant cells of mine during that time and later.. he never got very far.. but true to his character, he played it fair and tried the same stuff on my younger sis as well. he still tries his tactics with my nephews and nieces, alas, with similar results.
some of the activities included :
mechanical toys - not the colorful ones, but the serious fix-it-yourself-if-you-wanna-play types. needless to say, those lay discarded, while me and my sis played with the cardboard boxes they came in. we were very ingenious kids..the most mundane stuff would be our play things.. oh! if only i count recount the number of times my mom had to buy new bedsheets and curtains coz we tried making paperman cut outs in them.chuck those lego blocks... the red LPG cylinder,used coconut husk, thrown away drawstrings, pens, slippers.. we could spend hours playing with them..
next in line was the formula food that dad got with much difficulty from his yankee friends. now, i was never a problem kid as far as food is concerned. no tantrums there..put it in my mouth and i'll chew it dutifully. sis on the other hand was a picky eater. she had no sense of appreciation for all this firangi stuff.. she decided to go raw.. worms that is. lunchtime was hunting time for her. she'd be out in the playground with a twig sharpened to be her one pronged fork and poke at unsuspecting worms, stab the ones that caught her fancy...and slurp..its gone.. mom had a tough time making food look like worms and squished bugs to get her to eat.
mind stimulating games followed the regimen.now, it did not matter a bit that dad was a chess/badminton champion and mom a baskie player.. i apparently dint inherit any of those gene sets. despite the painful efforts to appreciate the game of chess, my chess playing ability was (and is) limited to smashing the pieces together, picking out what has fallen and then repeating the same motion..he did have some luck in badminton though.. but not so much to claim as a feat.
finally dad struck a goldmine..books.it started out as the daily night time read-to-sleep ritual. he finally realised that, i never can sleep until it came to 'the end'. so very cunningly, he would read the first half of the story to me.. and then leave it at that..so that i am compelled to read the rest by myself. i got so enchanted by the books.. that it dint stop at night time stories. he enrolled me in all the libraries in the city.. took me around for the weekly quota of books. but then, one big glitch - as a 6 yr old i was reading Enid Blyton.. 10 yrs- Enid Blyton still.. 15 yrs - oh ya!! Enid still.
now..dont u go assuming that mom remained a spectator in this personality development arena. she was in charge of the interpersonal skills section. on that, she had to handle the extremes with us two kids.. i was a tomboy and my sis a hide-in-closet kind. on a regular basis she handled cases of me biting other bullies/non-bullies in kindergarten and sis crying when asked any question in class. she had to train me to shut my mouth when i feel like biting and shouting and open sis's when asked to say something and not just whimper. phew..
one incident she recollects of trying to housebreak me on the 'small talk' protocol is the 'How do you do?' one. Days after days of training me on the correct way to answer a 'How do you do?' with a similar 'How do you do?'.. i finally get a chance to put my skills to test...An unsuspecting friend of dad who came visiting shook my chubby 4 yr old hand and said 'How do you do?'.. my chest swelled up in anticipation as i became aware of my mom's eyes resting on me.. and confidently i belted out
"Howdukudu"
"eh..what baby?"
"Hakidomudooo"
"..".(.the guys looks around for help.)
"hadakudapoooooo" (by now i am screaming at the top of my lungs and baring my fangs in a way my mom knows too well.. ya! i am ready to bite)
mom swooped in and picked me up, thereby rescuing that poor guy of mortal danger.
why a sudden trip down the memory lane.. u ask? well..am back in the cradle of life-my home.. for 12 whole days..and these are some of the excerpts from the stories that my parents enthrall poor visitors with..this and other very unflattering ones... like the time i cried on stage due to stage-fright during my speech.. or the time i tried to kill my sleeping sis by building a tomb of pillows on top of her... or the time..... oh no!! i cant tell you that..
bye for now.. have to convince my mom that no amount of coconut oil hair massage is gonna rid me off the maroon and copper hair streaks...and that snug-fit jeans does not cut off blood circulation to my limbs....s'long...
case in point - my parents.. yes, ofcourse.. i love them to bits and all that. but at times i wonder..how would have i turned out, if i was born in some other household.
my dad is the strong proponent of the idea that a child's most active brain cell development takes place during the time he/she is in the 3-7 age group. he never gave up trying to develop those non-existant cells of mine during that time and later.. he never got very far.. but true to his character, he played it fair and tried the same stuff on my younger sis as well. he still tries his tactics with my nephews and nieces, alas, with similar results.
some of the activities included :
mechanical toys - not the colorful ones, but the serious fix-it-yourself-if-you-wanna-play types. needless to say, those lay discarded, while me and my sis played with the cardboard boxes they came in. we were very ingenious kids..the most mundane stuff would be our play things.. oh! if only i count recount the number of times my mom had to buy new bedsheets and curtains coz we tried making paperman cut outs in them.chuck those lego blocks... the red LPG cylinder,used coconut husk, thrown away drawstrings, pens, slippers.. we could spend hours playing with them..
next in line was the formula food that dad got with much difficulty from his yankee friends. now, i was never a problem kid as far as food is concerned. no tantrums there..put it in my mouth and i'll chew it dutifully. sis on the other hand was a picky eater. she had no sense of appreciation for all this firangi stuff.. she decided to go raw.. worms that is. lunchtime was hunting time for her. she'd be out in the playground with a twig sharpened to be her one pronged fork and poke at unsuspecting worms, stab the ones that caught her fancy...and slurp..its gone.. mom had a tough time making food look like worms and squished bugs to get her to eat.
mind stimulating games followed the regimen.now, it did not matter a bit that dad was a chess/badminton champion and mom a baskie player.. i apparently dint inherit any of those gene sets. despite the painful efforts to appreciate the game of chess, my chess playing ability was (and is) limited to smashing the pieces together, picking out what has fallen and then repeating the same motion..he did have some luck in badminton though.. but not so much to claim as a feat.
finally dad struck a goldmine..books.it started out as the daily night time read-to-sleep ritual. he finally realised that, i never can sleep until it came to 'the end'. so very cunningly, he would read the first half of the story to me.. and then leave it at that..so that i am compelled to read the rest by myself. i got so enchanted by the books.. that it dint stop at night time stories. he enrolled me in all the libraries in the city.. took me around for the weekly quota of books. but then, one big glitch - as a 6 yr old i was reading Enid Blyton.. 10 yrs- Enid Blyton still.. 15 yrs - oh ya!! Enid still.
now..dont u go assuming that mom remained a spectator in this personality development arena. she was in charge of the interpersonal skills section. on that, she had to handle the extremes with us two kids.. i was a tomboy and my sis a hide-in-closet kind. on a regular basis she handled cases of me biting other bullies/non-bullies in kindergarten and sis crying when asked any question in class. she had to train me to shut my mouth when i feel like biting and shouting and open sis's when asked to say something and not just whimper. phew..
one incident she recollects of trying to housebreak me on the 'small talk' protocol is the 'How do you do?' one. Days after days of training me on the correct way to answer a 'How do you do?' with a similar 'How do you do?'.. i finally get a chance to put my skills to test...An unsuspecting friend of dad who came visiting shook my chubby 4 yr old hand and said 'How do you do?'.. my chest swelled up in anticipation as i became aware of my mom's eyes resting on me.. and confidently i belted out
"Howdukudu"
"eh..what baby?"
"Hakidomudooo"
"..".(.the guys looks around for help.)
"hadakudapoooooo" (by now i am screaming at the top of my lungs and baring my fangs in a way my mom knows too well.. ya! i am ready to bite)
mom swooped in and picked me up, thereby rescuing that poor guy of mortal danger.
why a sudden trip down the memory lane.. u ask? well..am back in the cradle of life-my home.. for 12 whole days..and these are some of the excerpts from the stories that my parents enthrall poor visitors with..this and other very unflattering ones... like the time i cried on stage due to stage-fright during my speech.. or the time i tried to kill my sleeping sis by building a tomb of pillows on top of her... or the time..... oh no!! i cant tell you that..
bye for now.. have to convince my mom that no amount of coconut oil hair massage is gonna rid me off the maroon and copper hair streaks...and that snug-fit jeans does not cut off blood circulation to my limbs....s'long...
Friday, October 12, 2007
Cream..bumps...and a Ghost from Past..
There i was, washing icing sugar & cream & candied peanut bits off my face, thinking of the pimple which would appear the next day...
It was my birthday, and i got creamed by my friends..narrowly escaped my rear being smashed to pulp to the general glee of public in name of birthday bumps.. a XXXL kurta from the pandavas (was that a hint or a direct statement to lose weight??)... n i was back in my hostel picking bits of peanuts off my hair (the cake was butterscotch with candied peanut topping)
"U got fat"..i spun around to see who the hell is talking to me like that.. i saw a girl, in her teens maybe, vaguely familiar.. she looked disappointed seeing me.
"huh..excuse me", i said.
"u heard me.. u got fat.. 10 years and u still couldnt get into shape?" she is near shouting now..
"who the hell are u?", attack is the best form of defense..
"what?? now i have to introduce yourself to you?? i am you"..
"......"maybe the peanut bit in my nostril had gone up to my brain.. i am hallucinating.. what is going on?? is she nuts?? am i nuts???
"i see that u have become no wiser too.. i am you.. 10 years back.. remember..your 15th birthday..the whole list you wrote down..things to accomplish before you were 25.. i wanted to see how you are doing"
Realization seeps in through the non-porous matters of my head and finally dawns on me.. OMG! no wonder she looked familiar..she is the same girl in my school album.. and what was the list she is talking about.. i dont make lists of things to do..
"so..first.. are you a CEO or something near that yet?""first of all.. i cant believe i was that dumb to think that i would be a CEO or something near by 25.. and no, i am not one yet.. i am a realist now".. (i had already prepared myself for a long night).
"hmm..ok..then what are you now? you have job, right?"
"umm..err..no..i had one..left it..for intellectual improvement..i am back to being a student now"
"ok..something better than nothing i guess.. where but?? IIM? surely your are not still doing your graduation"
"wee..eell..not exactly IIM.. it is IIT...n dont get me started on y i think it is a great school for MBA..believe me, we could go all night on that"
"it seems that you are in a mood to argue.. i like to sleep early..so let us make this snappy.. do u have a car/a few lakhs in bank account/ a swiss army knife?"
"i have a scooter bought from my savings... multiples of 1 lakh in account (multiplier being 0.1) and what the heck am i gonna do with a swiss army knife?"
"swiss army knife when you go backpacking off to the wilderness on your weekends...remember??"
"....."(i dint have the guts to say that my fav weekend activity was catching upon a week's sleep)
"have you mastered any of veena/violin/piano? did you complete that Bharatnatyam and Kathakali course? Did you pursue pencil sketching?"
"no..no and no..I tried a bit during my stint at Pune to resume the classes, but then had to leave it mid-way. Now dancing is limited to gyrations in parties. Sketching..hmm..limited to drawing on hostel wall and basic sketch for flower rangoli during Onam"
"you have a posh apartment overlooking the sea?""no..i now live in a 10x12 ft hostel room overlooking a basket ball court"
"You got friends who would stick with you through thick & thin"
(finally) "Yes..absolutely.."
"Oh..praise the lord that atleast something you dint fare that bad.. i guess, asking the rest of the questions is not gonna fetch much good..u tell me what you have been upto these 10 years"
"hmm..let me see, i got into the best college in my state for engineering on merit.. I almost cracked CAT but, then the exam was declared invalid that year..i had a blasting 2 years during my software engineer life at Pune... i made friends who later became my mentors, partners-in-crime and motivators..I never became a maestro in anything but i did try my hands in glass-painting (made my first sale there), horse-riding, swimming, learning salsa & jazz.. I made a difficult choice of giving up a well paying job and good career prospects and took a chance..I got over my stage fear while talking to a large gathering.. I made my parents' eyes swell up with pride more than once..I got over the sibling rivalry phase and realised that life would have been very dreary if not for a sister call your own.. I still get duped because i trust too much.. but i also wised up(?) from a bookworm-ish girl in a convent school to ...hmm..me..i had my share of tears & guffaws .. and i enjoyed the journey till here."
"blah..blah..blah..if nothing you now know how to baffle with bullshit.. but anyways, i guess you did ok.. but a Lambhorgini wouldn't have hurt, you know"
"Maybe in next 10 years"
"Ya..will check that up when i come see you next"
"what?? i dint make any list for the next 10 years this time"
"No.. this time you dint..but u did it at 15.. so, dont try to fool me..you are just fooling yourself."
and just as suddenly as she came... she was gone..
It was my birthday, and i got creamed by my friends..narrowly escaped my rear being smashed to pulp to the general glee of public in name of birthday bumps.. a XXXL kurta from the pandavas (was that a hint or a direct statement to lose weight??)... n i was back in my hostel picking bits of peanuts off my hair (the cake was butterscotch with candied peanut topping)
"U got fat"..i spun around to see who the hell is talking to me like that.. i saw a girl, in her teens maybe, vaguely familiar.. she looked disappointed seeing me.
"huh..excuse me", i said.
"u heard me.. u got fat.. 10 years and u still couldnt get into shape?" she is near shouting now..
"who the hell are u?", attack is the best form of defense..
"what?? now i have to introduce yourself to you?? i am you"..
"......"maybe the peanut bit in my nostril had gone up to my brain.. i am hallucinating.. what is going on?? is she nuts?? am i nuts???
"i see that u have become no wiser too.. i am you.. 10 years back.. remember..your 15th birthday..the whole list you wrote down..things to accomplish before you were 25.. i wanted to see how you are doing"
Realization seeps in through the non-porous matters of my head and finally dawns on me.. OMG! no wonder she looked familiar..she is the same girl in my school album.. and what was the list she is talking about.. i dont make lists of things to do..
"so..first.. are you a CEO or something near that yet?""first of all.. i cant believe i was that dumb to think that i would be a CEO or something near by 25.. and no, i am not one yet.. i am a realist now".. (i had already prepared myself for a long night).
"hmm..ok..then what are you now? you have job, right?"
"umm..err..no..i had one..left it..for intellectual improvement..i am back to being a student now"
"ok..something better than nothing i guess.. where but?? IIM? surely your are not still doing your graduation"
"wee..eell..not exactly IIM.. it is IIT...n dont get me started on y i think it is a great school for MBA..believe me, we could go all night on that"
"it seems that you are in a mood to argue.. i like to sleep early..so let us make this snappy.. do u have a car/a few lakhs in bank account/ a swiss army knife?"
"i have a scooter bought from my savings... multiples of 1 lakh in account (multiplier being 0.1) and what the heck am i gonna do with a swiss army knife?"
"swiss army knife when you go backpacking off to the wilderness on your weekends...remember??"
"....."(i dint have the guts to say that my fav weekend activity was catching upon a week's sleep)
"have you mastered any of veena/violin/piano? did you complete that Bharatnatyam and Kathakali course? Did you pursue pencil sketching?"
"no..no and no..I tried a bit during my stint at Pune to resume the classes, but then had to leave it mid-way. Now dancing is limited to gyrations in parties. Sketching..hmm..limited to drawing on hostel wall and basic sketch for flower rangoli during Onam"
"you have a posh apartment overlooking the sea?""no..i now live in a 10x12 ft hostel room overlooking a basket ball court"
"You got friends who would stick with you through thick & thin"
(finally) "Yes..absolutely.."
"Oh..praise the lord that atleast something you dint fare that bad.. i guess, asking the rest of the questions is not gonna fetch much good..u tell me what you have been upto these 10 years"
"hmm..let me see, i got into the best college in my state for engineering on merit.. I almost cracked CAT but, then the exam was declared invalid that year..i had a blasting 2 years during my software engineer life at Pune... i made friends who later became my mentors, partners-in-crime and motivators..I never became a maestro in anything but i did try my hands in glass-painting (made my first sale there), horse-riding, swimming, learning salsa & jazz.. I made a difficult choice of giving up a well paying job and good career prospects and took a chance..I got over my stage fear while talking to a large gathering.. I made my parents' eyes swell up with pride more than once..I got over the sibling rivalry phase and realised that life would have been very dreary if not for a sister call your own.. I still get duped because i trust too much.. but i also wised up(?) from a bookworm-ish girl in a convent school to ...hmm..me..i had my share of tears & guffaws .. and i enjoyed the journey till here."
"blah..blah..blah..if nothing you now know how to baffle with bullshit.. but anyways, i guess you did ok.. but a Lambhorgini wouldn't have hurt, you know"
"Maybe in next 10 years"
"Ya..will check that up when i come see you next"
"what?? i dint make any list for the next 10 years this time"
"No.. this time you dint..but u did it at 15.. so, dont try to fool me..you are just fooling yourself."
and just as suddenly as she came... she was gone..
Friday, September 21, 2007
Some disturbing thoughts...
Case 1:
Finance class...by a renowned guest faculty.
the lecturer keeps the class amused with anecdotes and petty digressions from the topic at hand. While trying to explain how an MBA should think, he puts forward this:
Lecturer (L) : Suppose you run a business of selling pens. The cost for a pen u incur is Rs.10. and being the smart business man you are, you sell it at Rs. 20/-.. So what is the profit you make per pen???
Class (duh..simple math): Rs.10/- ..(some wise-crack talked about overheads and other indirect costs apportionment..which was ignored)
L: Business is doing good. One fine day, by chance, an old friend of yours walks in to the showroom. You exchange pleasantries, reminisces the good old days.. Reason for visit?? Oh, he wants a pen. You generously offer him one for Rs.15/- ..good old buddy and all that.. So what is the profit here?
Class(duhher... should've sent this guy to a math class) : Rs. 5/-
L (with the 'oh-i-gotcha-there' smile) : Nope..it is a loss of Rs. 5/-. This is the pen you'd have sold for Rs. 20 and had to sell at Rs.15 coz the bugger was your friend. So, coz ur friend walks into ur business, you make a lose being nice.
Guy in row behind mine : Superb!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Case 2:
30 sec to class.. me huffing and puffing along like a mad dog..on way i ward off screeching monkeys and masticating deer. IIT life takes out the novelty of seeing such things. In the mornings, while i drag myself along to hostel mess to chew on over-burnt, elastic dosas and insipid gooey pongals... i've lost count of the number of times i have encountered a battalion of deer munching dew tipped grass with a look of detachment written well on those faces. turn your face up and you see a whole colony of monkeys on the hostel roof and sun shades fighting over the loot of the day.
ah..coming back to the topic.. on way, met friend of mine in similar condition.
Me: Morning Ho!!
Friend: hey.. was just gonna come over to your room before i realised how late i'm gonna be for the class.
Me: whazzup ?
Friend: you know..right after the exams we should go to that restuarant X, and have a plate of A and C.
Me: oh..ok. who else coming?
Friend: No one.. the curry serves only 2. last time i went there, i couldnt finish the curry off.. so i thought i'd bring someone along so that we can split the bill of the curry and not waste the stuff we pay for.
Me: noble thought there.. n i was thinking that you liked my company.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At times i wonder, where did i land up..is this what the course ought to teach me? to evaluate each and every decision in life in monetary terms? to look out for the incremental 'value-addition' that a particular opportunity would offer?
i see people forming strategic alliances rather than genuine friendship. the driving force underneath most relationships is the 'take-away', rather than liking for each other... talk about relationships that endure!!!
People hide their accomplishments/achievements until the last moment to make a grand entry, so that no-one else can copy them and take away their edge over others. Some withhold information for this very competitive advantage.. talk about fair playing ground!!!
And there are others with the 'sole shepherd' syndrome. They contribute only if assured that the particular task is impossible without their co-operation. Put them in a team of equals or better, they shrink off their responsibilities and put their skills to better use elsewhere...talk about team-spirit!!!
But am i the blue eyed babe in woods still looking for innate goodness in people ??? Heck No!!! but still..i wonder.. is this what i want to be..???
Finance class...by a renowned guest faculty.
the lecturer keeps the class amused with anecdotes and petty digressions from the topic at hand. While trying to explain how an MBA should think, he puts forward this:
Lecturer (L) : Suppose you run a business of selling pens. The cost for a pen u incur is Rs.10. and being the smart business man you are, you sell it at Rs. 20/-.. So what is the profit you make per pen???
Class (duh..simple math): Rs.10/- ..(some wise-crack talked about overheads and other indirect costs apportionment..which was ignored)
L: Business is doing good. One fine day, by chance, an old friend of yours walks in to the showroom. You exchange pleasantries, reminisces the good old days.. Reason for visit?? Oh, he wants a pen. You generously offer him one for Rs.15/- ..good old buddy and all that.. So what is the profit here?
Class(duhher... should've sent this guy to a math class) : Rs. 5/-
L (with the 'oh-i-gotcha-there' smile) : Nope..it is a loss of Rs. 5/-. This is the pen you'd have sold for Rs. 20 and had to sell at Rs.15 coz the bugger was your friend. So, coz ur friend walks into ur business, you make a lose being nice.
Guy in row behind mine : Superb!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Case 2:
30 sec to class.. me huffing and puffing along like a mad dog..on way i ward off screeching monkeys and masticating deer. IIT life takes out the novelty of seeing such things. In the mornings, while i drag myself along to hostel mess to chew on over-burnt, elastic dosas and insipid gooey pongals... i've lost count of the number of times i have encountered a battalion of deer munching dew tipped grass with a look of detachment written well on those faces. turn your face up and you see a whole colony of monkeys on the hostel roof and sun shades fighting over the loot of the day.
ah..coming back to the topic.. on way, met friend of mine in similar condition.
Me: Morning Ho!!
Friend: hey.. was just gonna come over to your room before i realised how late i'm gonna be for the class.
Me: whazzup ?
Friend: you know..right after the exams we should go to that restuarant X, and have a plate of A and C.
Me: oh..ok. who else coming?
Friend: No one.. the curry serves only 2. last time i went there, i couldnt finish the curry off.. so i thought i'd bring someone along so that we can split the bill of the curry and not waste the stuff we pay for.
Me: noble thought there.. n i was thinking that you liked my company.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At times i wonder, where did i land up..is this what the course ought to teach me? to evaluate each and every decision in life in monetary terms? to look out for the incremental 'value-addition' that a particular opportunity would offer?
i see people forming strategic alliances rather than genuine friendship. the driving force underneath most relationships is the 'take-away', rather than liking for each other... talk about relationships that endure!!!
People hide their accomplishments/achievements until the last moment to make a grand entry, so that no-one else can copy them and take away their edge over others. Some withhold information for this very competitive advantage.. talk about fair playing ground!!!
And there are others with the 'sole shepherd' syndrome. They contribute only if assured that the particular task is impossible without their co-operation. Put them in a team of equals or better, they shrink off their responsibilities and put their skills to better use elsewhere...talk about team-spirit!!!
But am i the blue eyed babe in woods still looking for innate goodness in people ??? Heck No!!! but still..i wonder.. is this what i want to be..???
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
18 Facts No-one Wanted to Know abt Me
Just picked this one up from a random blog i read.. so am passing this on dutifully ..
Qn.1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.
hmm..have been looking all over my body..and i really cant find one.. wow, am i such a blemish-less beauty?? does it have to be a scar or would pimples do? if yes, then explanation is simple enuf..dairy milk fruits n nuts, without fail...every day.
Qn.2. What does your phone look like?
my current phone..the 5th one..with the longest track record of being with me without getting its sweet self stolen or lost (touch wood) is a nokia 6070. it has got scratches on the display..chipped paint on the scroll keys..and once in a while throws a tantrum. but love it nonetheless.
Qn.3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
moi staying in hostel..so the paint color is rather imposed than designed by self. but i still try to brighten up my dull existence. on one side i have an Anne Geddes poster ... 8 topless bar dancers.. hehe..just 8 babies in their pyjamas holding on to a bar...right next to it, there is a thermocol sheet on which i have put up post-its of class schedule n pics of family n friends. also have some newspaper articles pasted on the wall..
on the other side, i have a color charcoal drawing of calvin n hobbes. calvin leaning on a tree tryin to look kewl n saying "the world bores u when u r cool".. n hobbes with a rather amused look... i drew this when i got really bored at 2 am in the morning.
Qn.4. What is your current desktop picture?
calvin & hobbes again..
http://www.rosenet.org/teensite/Calvin_and_Hobbes_comics_cartoons_f.jpg
needless to say, am a huge fan. even had an imaginary pet/friend/toy while growing up..the big eyed deer bambi.
Qn.5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
i believe you should spend ur life with whomsoever u want to..
Qn.6. What do you want more than anything right now?
some clarity in thought.. and a direction..
or maybe a time machine.. so that i could zip back into the past..relive my engg college days n see all my friends again.
Qn.7 . What time were you born?
Around 7.10pm. legend has it that i took my sown weet time coming out that my dad got tired of waiting and pacing the floor that he slept off in one of the chairs kept outside the labour room. my mom still blackmails him with this gross apathy that he exhibited.
Qn.8. Are your parents still together?
Very much so..
Qn.9.Last person who made you cry?
My friend here - Priya...when she tried to wake me up and smell the coffee.
Qn.10. What is your favorite perfume / cologne?
old spice.. not on me, but on others..sure fire way of getting me real close to a guy is dab him with old spice. brings out memories of childhood. when i'd go to my native place during summers. i used to play the FBI and dig up stuff from cellars and attics. one such excavations ended up with me opening an old trunk and finding an old spice after shave. the fragrance was intoxicating...n nothing like had experienced before. i hid the bottle for days until it was found and confiscated- only to sniff at regular intervals.
current flavor of the season is vanilla though.. makes me think of freshly baked cake. but i guess they dont make perfumes with that fragrance.
Qn.11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
Doesnt really matter much.. but ceterus paribus, i'd like to stare into and drown in moss-green eyes.
Qn.12. What are you listening to?
Just the whirring sound of fan. Lectures during day time.
Qn.13. Do you get scared of the dark?
No..am not scared of the dark, ghosts, crawly things... but do pretend to be so at times..depending on whom i'm with ;)
Qn.14. Do you like pain killers?
what??? come again??
Qn.15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Shy? well..my summer internship feedback form had my mentor writing in that i was rather shy. back in college, my classmates ROFLAO seeing it. guess that explains how shy a person i'm.
but asking someone out is not something i would do even if i want to.. not coz i am shy. just some weird sense of propriety which makes me think that it is always better to be asked for than ask.
Qn.16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
the answer never changes... a piece of rich, dark, gooey chocolate cake.
Qn.17. Who was the last person you made you mad?
I get mad every Friday evening without fail.. coz thats the day i wanna go out and have some junk/comfort food..but cant. My mom had asked me to observe a 'no non-veg' fast on that day and in a moment of generosity i agreed to that.
Qn.18. Who was the last person who made you smile?
My friend back from college... got a call an hour back saying she is gonna get married soon. her excitement and happiness rubbed off a bit on me too.. :)
Wokie..now that i am done with the 18 qns, i hereby tag Sathya, Megha & Golu and the general public who may stumble upon this.
Qn.1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.
hmm..have been looking all over my body..and i really cant find one.. wow, am i such a blemish-less beauty?? does it have to be a scar or would pimples do? if yes, then explanation is simple enuf..dairy milk fruits n nuts, without fail...every day.
Qn.2. What does your phone look like?
my current phone..the 5th one..with the longest track record of being with me without getting its sweet self stolen or lost (touch wood) is a nokia 6070. it has got scratches on the display..chipped paint on the scroll keys..and once in a while throws a tantrum. but love it nonetheless.
Qn.3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
moi staying in hostel..so the paint color is rather imposed than designed by self. but i still try to brighten up my dull existence. on one side i have an Anne Geddes poster ... 8 topless bar dancers.. hehe..just 8 babies in their pyjamas holding on to a bar...right next to it, there is a thermocol sheet on which i have put up post-its of class schedule n pics of family n friends. also have some newspaper articles pasted on the wall..
on the other side, i have a color charcoal drawing of calvin n hobbes. calvin leaning on a tree tryin to look kewl n saying "the world bores u when u r cool".. n hobbes with a rather amused look... i drew this when i got really bored at 2 am in the morning.
Qn.4. What is your current desktop picture?
calvin & hobbes again..
http://www.rosenet.org/teensite/Calvin_and_Hobbes_comics_cartoons_f.jpg
needless to say, am a huge fan. even had an imaginary pet/friend/toy while growing up..the big eyed deer bambi.
Qn.5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
i believe you should spend ur life with whomsoever u want to..
Qn.6. What do you want more than anything right now?
some clarity in thought.. and a direction..
or maybe a time machine.. so that i could zip back into the past..relive my engg college days n see all my friends again.
Qn.7 . What time were you born?
Around 7.10pm. legend has it that i took my sown weet time coming out that my dad got tired of waiting and pacing the floor that he slept off in one of the chairs kept outside the labour room. my mom still blackmails him with this gross apathy that he exhibited.
Qn.8. Are your parents still together?
Very much so..
Qn.9.Last person who made you cry?
My friend here - Priya...when she tried to wake me up and smell the coffee.
Qn.10. What is your favorite perfume / cologne?
old spice.. not on me, but on others..sure fire way of getting me real close to a guy is dab him with old spice. brings out memories of childhood. when i'd go to my native place during summers. i used to play the FBI and dig up stuff from cellars and attics. one such excavations ended up with me opening an old trunk and finding an old spice after shave. the fragrance was intoxicating...n nothing like had experienced before. i hid the bottle for days until it was found and confiscated- only to sniff at regular intervals.
current flavor of the season is vanilla though.. makes me think of freshly baked cake. but i guess they dont make perfumes with that fragrance.
Qn.11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
Doesnt really matter much.. but ceterus paribus, i'd like to stare into and drown in moss-green eyes.
Qn.12. What are you listening to?
Just the whirring sound of fan. Lectures during day time.
Qn.13. Do you get scared of the dark?
No..am not scared of the dark, ghosts, crawly things... but do pretend to be so at times..depending on whom i'm with ;)
Qn.14. Do you like pain killers?
what??? come again??
Qn.15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Shy? well..my summer internship feedback form had my mentor writing in that i was rather shy. back in college, my classmates ROFLAO seeing it. guess that explains how shy a person i'm.
but asking someone out is not something i would do even if i want to.. not coz i am shy. just some weird sense of propriety which makes me think that it is always better to be asked for than ask.
Qn.16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
the answer never changes... a piece of rich, dark, gooey chocolate cake.
Qn.17. Who was the last person you made you mad?
I get mad every Friday evening without fail.. coz thats the day i wanna go out and have some junk/comfort food..but cant. My mom had asked me to observe a 'no non-veg' fast on that day and in a moment of generosity i agreed to that.
Qn.18. Who was the last person who made you smile?
My friend back from college... got a call an hour back saying she is gonna get married soon. her excitement and happiness rubbed off a bit on me too.. :)
Wokie..now that i am done with the 18 qns, i hereby tag Sathya, Megha & Golu and the general public who may stumble upon this.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Spotlight or Nappies???
everywhere u look..provided u r looking at the newspapers, ibnlive, gossip columns...u'd see a scantily dressed britney spears... and the general population giving her expert advice. she has become the international 'throw ball to drown clown' that you see in fairs. though i detest the amount of quality media space that is given to irrelevant and unimportant events.. there is something that makes me ponder..
u have in front of ur eyes.. a woman [oops..something between a girl and a woman, going by her song] who let her career [ and common sense ] take a back seat to marry and to procreate... and then she tries to come back..
people speak of throwing away her career for what she thought was gonna be a happily ever after. i wonder, is career and domestic bliss mutually exclusive for a woman? how much of the criticism directed against her is really valid..rather than just the general spite?
true..she has put on weight and is outta shape. but then, she also had 2 kids.
true.. her dance movements are nothing like what it used to be. Compare it with the yesteryears VMA performances and the difference is mind numbing. Gone is the agile, flexible, nimble footed & spirited diva. The latest one showed her gasping to keep in pace with her co-dancers..n failing. You almost feel the angst thinking of the 'wasted' talent.
But this feeling of angst.. y is it always directed at the woman who wants to marry when in prime or near prime of their careers? y is it that they are thought to abandon a plum, exciting future for a tame life? U never see the public uproar when a guy gets married. and in corollary, when a woman do get married, y do we expect her professional life to take a back seat? y are highly successful women, perceived to have strained relationships with their spouses?
i can only pity britney.. she had made a couple of wrong choices in her life. i wonder how that is not possible when u r under media scrutiny all the time since u were a teenager. she ended up with a money-mismanaging husband, 2 kids, a shaved head and rehab - most of which i guess she dint plan to have. but then, braving it all, she is trying to be back where she felt the most comfortable.. and, she gotta convince the whole world.. that she still has it in her... more so now, than when she was trying to establish herself as a new entrant.. image make-overs are always so more difficult than just image making.
till she redeems herself, she would be talked about - with sniggers n tsk-tsks.. a price she has to pay for doing what she wanted... a price for trying to make a family while she should've broken more album sales record..
u have in front of ur eyes.. a woman [oops..something between a girl and a woman, going by her song] who let her career [ and common sense ] take a back seat to marry and to procreate... and then she tries to come back..
people speak of throwing away her career for what she thought was gonna be a happily ever after. i wonder, is career and domestic bliss mutually exclusive for a woman? how much of the criticism directed against her is really valid..rather than just the general spite?
true..she has put on weight and is outta shape. but then, she also had 2 kids.
true.. her dance movements are nothing like what it used to be. Compare it with the yesteryears VMA performances and the difference is mind numbing. Gone is the agile, flexible, nimble footed & spirited diva. The latest one showed her gasping to keep in pace with her co-dancers..n failing. You almost feel the angst thinking of the 'wasted' talent.
But this feeling of angst.. y is it always directed at the woman who wants to marry when in prime or near prime of their careers? y is it that they are thought to abandon a plum, exciting future for a tame life? U never see the public uproar when a guy gets married. and in corollary, when a woman do get married, y do we expect her professional life to take a back seat? y are highly successful women, perceived to have strained relationships with their spouses?
i can only pity britney.. she had made a couple of wrong choices in her life. i wonder how that is not possible when u r under media scrutiny all the time since u were a teenager. she ended up with a money-mismanaging husband, 2 kids, a shaved head and rehab - most of which i guess she dint plan to have. but then, braving it all, she is trying to be back where she felt the most comfortable.. and, she gotta convince the whole world.. that she still has it in her... more so now, than when she was trying to establish herself as a new entrant.. image make-overs are always so more difficult than just image making.
till she redeems herself, she would be talked about - with sniggers n tsk-tsks.. a price she has to pay for doing what she wanted... a price for trying to make a family while she should've broken more album sales record..
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Lights..Camera...Action
if u ask me y i havent been active and regular since march...i'd say that 'i never intended to be'.. but then, i know that is just giving you a cheeky answer and not my li'l heart's desire..
three reasons i dint have any posts are
1. nothing much of catastrophic significance happened in my life of which i can write engagingly and wittily about (as i normally do)
2. i was far away from civilisation for a few weeks...was in the cradle of my life (trivandrum..home...aaah) after college finally closed after 1 year of torture and fun.
3. i am doing my summer internship at a place where they have blocked out gmail and orkut and i assumed wrongly that blogger wud be blocked as well..
now..pay attention to these reasons and commit them to memory coz for lack of better ones, i wud be recycling them whenever i feel the need to.
but, did i give my typing fingers (index fingers of both hands) some rest??? no.. i had been typing (what else did u think?) furiously away all this time.. to a very unhappy list of readers regarding my escapades in b'lore...
here goes some movie reviews from a few of the mails.....
Pirates of Carribean
SW:and then they go off on a big black ship..
Pr: (getting bored) ..and then??
SW: suddenly, a storm appears...a whirlwind..zephyr..
Pr:(getting interested) and then..
SW: the captain starts rocking ship ..shifting the mass to and fro..ship sways.. the storm is nearer..the ship sways more..it is abt to topple..or will storm tear it to shreds..topple..storm..topple..storm..
Pr:(eyes aglaze...edge of the seat) and...and..
SW: so, u interested in makin this???
but all in all..a good movie..u see a deliciously sexy orlando bloom and a rag-picker look-alike johnny depp..just that once in a while, they and the rest of the crew could use a bath..
three reasons i dint have any posts are
1. nothing much of catastrophic significance happened in my life of which i can write engagingly and wittily about (as i normally do)
2. i was far away from civilisation for a few weeks...was in the cradle of my life (trivandrum..home...aaah) after college finally closed after 1 year of torture and fun.
3. i am doing my summer internship at a place where they have blocked out gmail and orkut and i assumed wrongly that blogger wud be blocked as well..
now..pay attention to these reasons and commit them to memory coz for lack of better ones, i wud be recycling them whenever i feel the need to.
but, did i give my typing fingers (index fingers of both hands) some rest??? no.. i had been typing (what else did u think?) furiously away all this time.. to a very unhappy list of readers regarding my escapades in b'lore...
here goes some movie reviews from a few of the mails.....
the ordeal called 'shootout at lokhandwala'..for those of u fortunate souls who missed the movie...i'll tell u what it was -
step 1. i = 1
and x= (shoot,shoot,utter cuss words to the tune of 'teri maa ki.. teri behen ki..'..., dance in shady bars)
step 2. i=i+1
step 3. check if audience is dead.
step 4. go to step 1
step 4. go to step 1
now..if any of u wisecracks reply n tell me that the value of i fluctuates between 1 and 2..i am gonna never write a post again..(just kidding..i'm in this for life).
Pirates of Carribean
have anyone of u told bedtime stories to a 4 yr old who refuses to sleep..?? well..PoC 's script was written in a similar fashion.. i can imagin the story-writer narratin the story to the producer (the 4 yr old)..
SW:and then they go off on a big black ship..
Pr: (getting bored
SW: suddenly, a storm appears...a whirlwind..zephyr..
Pr:(getting interested
SW: the captain starts rocking ship ..shifting the mass to and fro..ship sways.. the storm is nearer..the ship sways more..it is abt to topple..or will storm tear it to shreds..topple..storm..topple..storm..
Pr:(eyes aglaze...edge of the seat
SW: so, u interested in makin this???
just when u think that is it..a new character, or a new twist appears.. sometimes, just to use the graphic effects..(the Comp Graph guy might have said :'hey director, i figured this kewl way to make a ship move on sand as if it is movin on waves....y dont u ask the scriptor to write that up in the story??')..
but all in all..a good movie..u see a deliciously sexy orlando bloom and a rag-picker look-alike johnny depp..just that once in a while, they and the rest of the crew could use a bath..
Sunday, March 25, 2007
About Sharav...my hostel
for want of better things to post, i am copy-pasting the stuff that i contributed for the Hostel Mag.. donno if they would take in my contribution itself..
here goes..
here goes..
"It’s about the tears we shed when we first came in bidding bye to parents/siblings..
It’s about the butterflies in stomach when we found ourselves being on our own…
It’s about those nights we lay awake reminiscing our lives back at home..
It’s about knowing your neighbour…from just a smile in the corridor to bang-the-door-open familiarity
It’s about joining your voice with the girl in the next bathroom doing a chorus of ‘awaaraa bawrein..’
It’s about timidly peeking into each of the toilets before half-heartedly selecting an almost-clean one
It’s about queuing up for the turn to use the washing-machine..and at times washing your laundry at 2 am to lose the queue…
It’s about kissing the whole washing process good-bye and BPO-ing it to ‘sir’ in the cycle shed
It’s about complaining about the thickness/staleness/rawness of rotis and thinness/blandness of dal in the mess
It’s about the dogs n their puppies whom many loving hands feed with biscuits and other tidbits everyday
It’s about counting the number of couples lost in a world of their own infront of the hostel from 9pm to 9am
It’s about arranging and re-arranging the furniture in an 8x6 ft room to make it more homely/functional
It’s about all those funny/weird/cute/nostalgic posters/hangings we stick/hang up on the walls
It’s about smiling in greeting to ‘helloo daa’ of the ‘akka’ in reception
It’s about holi which had the entire sharav in pink,green,blue,yellow,gold,silver and wet..
It’s about dandiya where the baski-court vibrates to the tempo of the dandiya sticks
It’s about the disco night which smelled of frankies and bubbled like a soft-drink
It’s about all those useful talks organized – with special mention of the grub as well
It’s about pouring down your cribs/invites/updates/lost n founds in the notice board
It’s about the hostel elections where you would be politely woken up from sleep that you have earned just after a night-out.
It’s about checking the coast clear of monkeys before getting out of your room
It’s about getting back in, whenever you want to, in the night and writing a one word reason in the register infront of the dozed off security guard
It’s about ‘Junta SAC is open’, ‘Room ### visitor waiting’ messages which fill the air throughout the day
It’s about the tears… the emptiness… the anxieties
It’s also about the laughter…the sharing..the fun…the freedom
It’s about.. SHARAV"
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Crowning Glory...(past tense)
It's summer in chennai...and the heat waves started as early as Jan.. International Society for Irrelevant Findings and Research located at Germany has come up with the new theory that being subject to intense heat wave can have adverse effect on a person's memory power.. maybe that explains y i have been so dormant in coming up with new posts.
Summer used to be such a nice time in Kerala where i spent my growing years - time for mangoes, watermelons n Jawahar Balabhavans. It used to be the time when year after year my parents discovered how grossly underpaid the primary & secondary school teachers were. Quite a few times, they had tried sending me off to my aunt's place. Then fear of being disowned by close relatives led to an exponential decrease in the duration of stay..
I guess my deep inclination towards scientific experiments had an effect as well. I vaguely remember emptying bottles of tonics, powdered tablets,capsules, talcum powder, chilli powder etc. into the community well to see if the taste of water changes.. At some point of time, when i was much into developing my culinary skills, i had even tried to improve the crunchiness of dosas n chutneys by sprinkling a handful of sand over it. then there was the love for adventure sports - climbing trees, stealing mangoes, cashew nuts (from the neighbour's yard), fishing (neighbour's pond) & picking up fights. I was the uncrowned queen of tummybiting - my success-gauranteed tactic of winning any fights. Thus i grew up - darling of the masses..
Summer was also the time of the annual haircut.. when my mom would mercilessly drag me n my sis to a barber shop (not even a decent beauty parlor until we were about 12 or so) n ask the guy at the counter for "two Boycut please". I used to close my eyes, tears running down my chubby cheeks while the barber snipped off my cowslips n tresses. All those hindi film heroines with long tresses that the heros never get tired of caressing will flick through my mind adding to the agony. once my sis had seriously tried running away from home after such a hair cut. (i gave her my 5 bucks for the bus fare..) But unfortunately, the plan was discovered & the 5 rupee note confiscated.
Parents are so fickle minded, i say.. the same stuff they wanted us to do or not do in childhood..they reverse their stand when u reach maturity (ok..reaching maturity is too much to ask for in my case..i'll rephrase that to 'when u are outta childhood'). They wanted me to eat well when i was a kid, now it is "do u know that it is ur 5th laddoo???" even as i just hungrily eye the lone laddoo.. they wanted me to let go off my mom's pallu n talk to people when in a gathering. now they explain the neccesity of giving other's some time to atleast respond... Being a couch potato & not going out to play with friends was frowned up...the same way they frown on me spending too much time with friends now... same is the case with length of hair. When it used to be ubiquituous 'boy cut' during my primary school years ; the emphasis is now on 'grow as long as you can' hair. This to the extent that my mom complains of having high BP when i talk of getting my hair trimmed...parents..parents..tsk.tsk.. When do i figure them out?
One way i get around this is to change the style of the cut without changing the length much.. Hardly a difference to the casual observer (which includes a vast majority of the male population). But this time it was a different story altogether..
I am sitting in the parlor chair all caped up while the chingee looking hairdresser sprays what smells like pesticide on my hair. I have explained to her the absolute importance of retaining the length n she replies in a language which i believe resembles English. The operation starts. each n every strand of my hair is combed, re-combed, compared against other strands, cut, combed, re-combed and cut again. the process lasts for about 1 hr. i dont know if i had dozed off in the midst, coz the next thing i remember is she telling me "so how do u like it?".. i see in the mirror that she held out very expectantly towards me - the same style that i had before - albeit in a miniature form. she had happily chopped off 4 inches of my oiled-groomed-shampooed-conditioned effort. "Nice" - i say thru clenched teeth..
I just wanna get outta there.. I run to the counter, ask for the bill.. the lady at the counter asks me "do u like the hair cut?".. i say "bill please".. she says "Oh..u look really nice in that"..i am almost in tears. The bill comes to 500 bucks.. no comments..
Back in college... i fish for compliments.. i leave my hair open, swish it around like a horse's tail when it trots...nobody notices.. finally someone asks me "Oh.. you have colored ur hair.??"
I think i will have BP tablets with me the next time i go home to see my mom.
Summer used to be such a nice time in Kerala where i spent my growing years - time for mangoes, watermelons n Jawahar Balabhavans. It used to be the time when year after year my parents discovered how grossly underpaid the primary & secondary school teachers were. Quite a few times, they had tried sending me off to my aunt's place. Then fear of being disowned by close relatives led to an exponential decrease in the duration of stay..
I guess my deep inclination towards scientific experiments had an effect as well. I vaguely remember emptying bottles of tonics, powdered tablets,capsules, talcum powder, chilli powder etc. into the community well to see if the taste of water changes.. At some point of time, when i was much into developing my culinary skills, i had even tried to improve the crunchiness of dosas n chutneys by sprinkling a handful of sand over it. then there was the love for adventure sports - climbing trees, stealing mangoes, cashew nuts (from the neighbour's yard), fishing (neighbour's pond) & picking up fights. I was the uncrowned queen of tummybiting - my success-gauranteed tactic of winning any fights. Thus i grew up - darling of the masses..
Summer was also the time of the annual haircut.. when my mom would mercilessly drag me n my sis to a barber shop (not even a decent beauty parlor until we were about 12 or so) n ask the guy at the counter for "two Boycut please". I used to close my eyes, tears running down my chubby cheeks while the barber snipped off my cowslips n tresses. All those hindi film heroines with long tresses that the heros never get tired of caressing will flick through my mind adding to the agony. once my sis had seriously tried running away from home after such a hair cut. (i gave her my 5 bucks for the bus fare..) But unfortunately, the plan was discovered & the 5 rupee note confiscated.
Parents are so fickle minded, i say.. the same stuff they wanted us to do or not do in childhood..they reverse their stand when u reach maturity (ok..reaching maturity is too much to ask for in my case..i'll rephrase that to 'when u are outta childhood'). They wanted me to eat well when i was a kid, now it is "do u know that it is ur 5th laddoo???" even as i just hungrily eye the lone laddoo.. they wanted me to let go off my mom's pallu n talk to people when in a gathering. now they explain the neccesity of giving other's some time to atleast respond... Being a couch potato & not going out to play with friends was frowned up...the same way they frown on me spending too much time with friends now... same is the case with length of hair. When it used to be ubiquituous 'boy cut' during my primary school years ; the emphasis is now on 'grow as long as you can' hair. This to the extent that my mom complains of having high BP when i talk of getting my hair trimmed...parents..parents..tsk.tsk.. When do i figure them out?
One way i get around this is to change the style of the cut without changing the length much.. Hardly a difference to the casual observer (which includes a vast majority of the male population). But this time it was a different story altogether..
I am sitting in the parlor chair all caped up while the chingee looking hairdresser sprays what smells like pesticide on my hair. I have explained to her the absolute importance of retaining the length n she replies in a language which i believe resembles English. The operation starts. each n every strand of my hair is combed, re-combed, compared against other strands, cut, combed, re-combed and cut again. the process lasts for about 1 hr. i dont know if i had dozed off in the midst, coz the next thing i remember is she telling me "so how do u like it?".. i see in the mirror that she held out very expectantly towards me - the same style that i had before - albeit in a miniature form. she had happily chopped off 4 inches of my oiled-groomed-shampooed-conditioned effort. "Nice" - i say thru clenched teeth..
I just wanna get outta there.. I run to the counter, ask for the bill.. the lady at the counter asks me "do u like the hair cut?".. i say "bill please".. she says "Oh..u look really nice in that"..i am almost in tears. The bill comes to 500 bucks.. no comments..
Back in college... i fish for compliments.. i leave my hair open, swish it around like a horse's tail when it trots...nobody notices.. finally someone asks me "Oh.. you have colored ur hair.??"
I think i will have BP tablets with me the next time i go home to see my mom.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
just spreading the good word...
ok.. this is not even trying to be funny.
i am just trying to increase your general awareness.. something about the dept of management studies in IIT-Madras and Samanvay, the B-fest we organised. do take some time out and read and if possible make others do so too..
http://www.hindu.com/2007/01/10/stories/2007011020150500.htm
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/News/News_By_Industry/Services/Education/IIT_Madras_pots_90000_foreign_placement_offer/articleshow/msid-1085542,curpg-1.cms
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1075463.cms
and the official site,
http://www.samanvay.iitm.ac.in/
thank you.
i am just trying to increase your general awareness.. something about the dept of management studies in IIT-Madras and Samanvay, the B-fest we organised. do take some time out and read and if possible make others do so too..
http://www.hindu.com/2007/01/10/stories/2007011020150500.htm
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/News/News_By_Industry/Services/Education/IIT_Madras_pots_90000_foreign_placement_offer/articleshow/msid-1085542,curpg-1.cms
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1075463.cms
and the official site,
http://www.samanvay.iitm.ac.in/
thank you.
Monday, January 08, 2007
May I come in Sir???
To all the loyal and kind patrons of my blog (yes all 3 of u), maybe at times you have wondered 'does she actually lands herself in situations like these just so that she has something to put in the post??'....hmmph..precious little you know about me, i should say. If you think that i would take the trouble..the effort.. the time.. the audacity .. to be actually in places where I dont have any other go but goof up and make a total ass of myself to the delight of general public and embarrassment of friends (some less loyal ones pretend they dont even know me when out in public)..well i guess, i have to say, you are right.
I have no other logical (did i just use that word in my post? seems like i did.. heeeaaayyy) or even common sensical (oh boy! i am on roll now..) explanations to the stuff that keeps happening to me. not convinced?? want more proof?? oh yeah? oh yeah?? Well.. read on if you can take the truth..
For past few months now, i have been successful in shrinking my friends list in orkut by asking all and sundry for any kind of contacts in organization so that i could talk about my summer internship position with them. With enough pestering and blackmailing our class placement team members got me interview appointments with some firms as well... one of them was a leading automobile(2 wheeler) manufacturing company in India..
Day of interview
-----------------
I read up about the company.. learn to rot my introduction song and dance sequence... scratch my brain or what is left of it for something intelligent or seemingly intelligent question to ask them even if they don't give me a chance at the end of the interview.
My turn... I walk in confidently in high heels, blazer suit..i envisioned myself on the shop floor. men in coveralls working on the 2 wheelers in the assembly line around me. Sparks from the welding machine, sounds of hammers, spanners... I walk on, acknowledging smiles of respect and awe. There seems to be a commotion at the end of the assembly line. crowd parts for me.. It's the new model. something just doesn't seem to be right.. The ignition isn't turning on. I remove a hair pin from my swept-up hairstyle. Tweak some minor bolt or nut... n then press the ignition button.. the engine purrs into life.. applause....and handshakes.. i smile and wave...
Board room meetings. Big men with big pot bellies in dark suits. Major discussion over the new marketing campaign. Heated arguments. i stand up from my seat. Make my compelling argument. Applause and handshakes again...
"there seems to be some mis-communication".... back to earth and reality.. I see the interview panelist (IP) looking at me with a quizzical expression on his face..
me: duh...
IP: seems we haven't been successful in effective communication with your placement committee members
me: oh...
IP: we don't take lady candidates for summer internship positions.
me: huh..
He proceeds to wait patiently for 5 min, watching realisation sink through the non-porous matters in my head and finally dawn up on me.
IP: sorry for the trouble.. as you can see, there is no point in having an interview.
me: duh..
IP: have a nice day then.
me: Ok..
I walk out of the room. I see the next applicant looking expectantly at me. 'How was it?' he mouths.. 'Just great..maybe just a feeling, i think i am gonna make this one. Good luck anyways.'.. i say..
p.s. Cheers and champagne are in order. I did get procure summer placement. But not in the anti-woman company though. For an international electrical company's market research section in India.. hip hip hurraaaay..
I have no other logical (did i just use that word in my post? seems like i did.. heeeaaayyy) or even common sensical (oh boy! i am on roll now..) explanations to the stuff that keeps happening to me. not convinced?? want more proof?? oh yeah? oh yeah?? Well.. read on if you can take the truth..
For past few months now, i have been successful in shrinking my friends list in orkut by asking all and sundry for any kind of contacts in organization so that i could talk about my summer internship position with them. With enough pestering and blackmailing our class placement team members got me interview appointments with some firms as well... one of them was a leading automobile(2 wheeler) manufacturing company in India..
Day of interview
-----------------
I read up about the company.. learn to rot my introduction song and dance sequence... scratch my brain or what is left of it for something intelligent or seemingly intelligent question to ask them even if they don't give me a chance at the end of the interview.
My turn... I walk in confidently in high heels, blazer suit..i envisioned myself on the shop floor. men in coveralls working on the 2 wheelers in the assembly line around me. Sparks from the welding machine, sounds of hammers, spanners... I walk on, acknowledging smiles of respect and awe. There seems to be a commotion at the end of the assembly line. crowd parts for me.. It's the new model. something just doesn't seem to be right.. The ignition isn't turning on. I remove a hair pin from my swept-up hairstyle. Tweak some minor bolt or nut... n then press the ignition button.. the engine purrs into life.. applause....and handshakes.. i smile and wave...
Board room meetings. Big men with big pot bellies in dark suits. Major discussion over the new marketing campaign. Heated arguments. i stand up from my seat. Make my compelling argument. Applause and handshakes again...
"there seems to be some mis-communication".... back to earth and reality.. I see the interview panelist (IP) looking at me with a quizzical expression on his face..
me: duh...
IP: seems we haven't been successful in effective communication with your placement committee members
me: oh...
IP: we don't take lady candidates for summer internship positions.
me: huh..
He proceeds to wait patiently for 5 min, watching realisation sink through the non-porous matters in my head and finally dawn up on me.
IP: sorry for the trouble.. as you can see, there is no point in having an interview.
me: duh..
IP: have a nice day then.
me: Ok..
I walk out of the room. I see the next applicant looking expectantly at me. 'How was it?' he mouths.. 'Just great..maybe just a feeling, i think i am gonna make this one. Good luck anyways.'.. i say..
p.s. Cheers and champagne are in order. I did get procure summer placement. But not in the anti-woman company though. For an international electrical company's market research section in India.. hip hip hurraaaay..
Monday, November 20, 2006
Difference between Men & Women..yet another forward.
Since the advent of Internet some jobless specimens of human species have resorted to spend their time in very creative activities which they hope might win them a diploma in human psychology specially that of women. I personally think that the vast cyber world is filled with giga bytes and giga bytes of useless forwards and mailers on idiosyncrasies of women by such Sigmund Freuds.
A friend of mine happened to send across such a forward specially after a very heated argument on male chauvinism. Normally, I would have hit the delete button but this time I thought maybe I should retaliate.
For want of better things to write and keep the site traffic from dwindling(though i am sure this is of not gonna be much help), I am attaching the forward that I received and my reply. I would like to put a disclaimer that most of the replies are quite sarcastic and it is just a reflection of the foul mood that I was in plus the drying up of creative juices due to week long toiling over assignments and meeting deadlines(barely).
1. NAMES:
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out,
they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS:
A man has five items in his bathroom:
a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
And my reply was..
1.Names:
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,
they will call each other sweetie, sexy, chubby cheeks and cutie.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out,
they will affectionately refer using terms which cannot be uttered in public and that have a ghastly story attached to it.
2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will
(if in an all guys group) - excuse themselves to use the rest room so that the last bakraa pays.
- try hard to remember an occasion that one of the other member has missed out on giving a treat and shove the bill to him gallantly
(if any girl is present) - will gauge the mood as to whether she is offering to pay..pays if she doesn't..goes back home/hostel..and grumble n send forwards like the one attached above.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators - agreed.
3. MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs and misplace/damage/forget about it.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale and somehow figure out an ingenuous method of using it.
4. BATHROOMS:
A man has 2 items in the bathroom -
a toothbrush (which might also double up as a back scratcher when it itches) and a dusty razor.
with regards to soap n towel - they take bath when forced to by their moms or girlfriends..n end up using somebody else's soap n towel
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is high. A man would not be able to identify most of these items - cos he doesn't know the 'a b c' of personal grooming.
5. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.- cos most of the time an apology ends the argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. - coz he just cannot let it be.
6. CATS:
Women love cats
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.- traits of unkind n sadistic behavior in which they indulge in from childhood days ... remember the 'lets beat the shit outta the new kid' activities that boys engage in?
7. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.- then there is no need worrying abt something which is sure to be doomed.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. - he dint have the long sightedness to even think , let alone worry, about future until a lady enlightens him
8. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who doesn't have to worry about the money that his wife spends
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.- and make more money than him
9. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.- it's in his genes..the X chromosome
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.- she gives up hope of a better life
10. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.- at other times he can be found(in a pair threadbare boxers) scratching his armpits n burping on a couch watching a sports channel in TV.
11. NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.- if u can call the prior-to-bed state as good looking....(good looking..peeheeeheee)
Women somehow look more warm and soft with the mellow sunlight streaming through the window and falling on her sleeping face.
If you have reached till this part of the post, just mail me your snail mail address and you have a surprise coming in post for being such a patronizing reader.
A friend of mine happened to send across such a forward specially after a very heated argument on male chauvinism. Normally, I would have hit the delete button but this time I thought maybe I should retaliate.
For want of better things to write and keep the site traffic from dwindling(though i am sure this is of not gonna be much help), I am attaching the forward that I received and my reply. I would like to put a disclaimer that most of the replies are quite sarcastic and it is just a reflection of the foul mood that I was in plus the drying up of creative juices due to week long toiling over assignments and meeting deadlines(barely).
1. NAMES:
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out,
they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS:
A man has five items in his bathroom:
a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
And my reply was..
1.Names:
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,
they will call each other sweetie, sexy, chubby cheeks and cutie.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out,
they will affectionately refer using terms which cannot be uttered in public and that have a ghastly story attached to it.
2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will
(if in an all guys group) - excuse themselves to use the rest room so that the last bakraa pays.
- try hard to remember an occasion that one of the other member has missed out on giving a treat and shove the bill to him gallantly
(if any girl is present) - will gauge the mood as to whether she is offering to pay..pays if she doesn't..goes back home/hostel..and grumble n send forwards like the one attached above.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators - agreed.
3. MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs and misplace/damage/forget about it.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale and somehow figure out an ingenuous method of using it.
4. BATHROOMS:
A man has 2 items in the bathroom -
a toothbrush (which might also double up as a back scratcher when it itches) and a dusty razor.
with regards to soap n towel - they take bath when forced to by their moms or girlfriends..n end up using somebody else's soap n towel
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is high. A man would not be able to identify most of these items - cos he doesn't know the 'a b c' of personal grooming.
5. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.- cos most of the time an apology ends the argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. - coz he just cannot let it be.
6. CATS:
Women love cats
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.- traits of unkind n sadistic behavior in which they indulge in from childhood days ... remember the 'lets beat the shit outta the new kid' activities that boys engage in?
7. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.- then there is no need worrying abt something which is sure to be doomed.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. - he dint have the long sightedness to even think , let alone worry, about future until a lady enlightens him
8. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who doesn't have to worry about the money that his wife spends
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.- and make more money than him
9. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.- it's in his genes..the X chromosome
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.- she gives up hope of a better life
10. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.- at other times he can be found(in a pair threadbare boxers) scratching his armpits n burping on a couch watching a sports channel in TV.
11. NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.- if u can call the prior-to-bed state as good looking....(good looking..peeheeeheee)
Women somehow look more warm and soft with the mellow sunlight streaming through the window and falling on her sleeping face.
If you have reached till this part of the post, just mail me your snail mail address and you have a surprise coming in post for being such a patronizing reader.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
What is in a name???
They maybe a minority group, but I know some parents who seek lifelong revenge on their toddlers and give them names which prove more to be a life long stigma rather than an identity. Mala seems like an innocuous name..Couple it with an initial 'D' and voila ..I am not saying more on it. We have a habit of naming our children with names of gods/goddesses. Taking it a step further a relative of mine named his first born 'Jai Hanuman'. The fascination to English terms also gets reflected with disastrous consequences. I had a senior in college called 'Shabby'...
More examples on this..I can keep on writing..But a recent incident has made me a firm believer of the need of naming medicines more appropriately.
the other day, I had valiantly offered a friend of mine my help. The task was to get a list of tablets from the college hospital. Since she was in no condition to cycle down and get it herself, I set myself to the noble deed..
I trotted down the apollo hospital wing in IIT campus...Went over to the counter and gave the list of tablets neatly written in a piece of paper. Now, I pride in having a beautiful handwriting but most people say that a doctor's prescription is easier to read than my handwriting..hmmph.. jealousy. Anyways, I think the attendants over at the counter were bad in reading comprehension or something and kept on asking me to read out the names of the medicine. There were quite a few cases when I have misspelled the name..By an alphabet or so.. The best one was an ointment called Faktu. The 'T' was replaced by '-'. now starts the comedy of errors. A full and impatient line of students behind me in counter..The attendant asks me to say the name..I say 'fak u'. His look turns from surprise to disbelief to anger in milliseconds. I realized what I just said out aloud and
me : "that's what my friend wants. A tube of fak - u ointment"
attendant: "there is no such thing here"
me (hit by a sudden brain wave) : "maybe I have misspelled it.. I'll tell u what it is used for. It is used for haemorrhoid treatment"
attendant: "it should be faktu then"..(and grumbles about his time being wasted by illiterate nincompoops)
sheesh..These guys are fit enough to diagnose and prescribe even. I should have asked my parents to send my sis to the dispensary of a hospital instead of enrolling her in a med school. Would have saved us some pennies as well as taken care of her handwriting.
Now I proceed to the billing section, where they want the name of the student. Unfortunately the lady in billing favors Tamil over English and my command over the language is limited to "Un peru enna? " (what is your name?), "enikku pasikkithu" (I am hungry), "bathroom enge?" (where is the bathroom?). Just enough to get my work done.
The billing lady asks me something which I interpret as 'what do u need these medicines for?' and instead of saying the very detailed and complex symptoms my friend is suffering, I say "piles". She repeats the question and I shake my head vehemently and repeat the same answer. I hear muffled laughter and smirks behind me and choose to ignore it.
I get the bill and to my utmost horror, discover that in place of name of student she has typed in 'piles'.
More examples on this..I can keep on writing..But a recent incident has made me a firm believer of the need of naming medicines more appropriately.
the other day, I had valiantly offered a friend of mine my help. The task was to get a list of tablets from the college hospital. Since she was in no condition to cycle down and get it herself, I set myself to the noble deed..
I trotted down the apollo hospital wing in IIT campus...Went over to the counter and gave the list of tablets neatly written in a piece of paper. Now, I pride in having a beautiful handwriting but most people say that a doctor's prescription is easier to read than my handwriting..hmmph.. jealousy. Anyways, I think the attendants over at the counter were bad in reading comprehension or something and kept on asking me to read out the names of the medicine. There were quite a few cases when I have misspelled the name..By an alphabet or so.. The best one was an ointment called Faktu. The 'T' was replaced by '-'. now starts the comedy of errors. A full and impatient line of students behind me in counter..The attendant asks me to say the name..I say 'fak u'. His look turns from surprise to disbelief to anger in milliseconds. I realized what I just said out aloud and
me : "that's what my friend wants. A tube of fak - u ointment"
attendant: "there is no such thing here"
me (hit by a sudden brain wave) : "maybe I have misspelled it.. I'll tell u what it is used for. It is used for haemorrhoid treatment"
attendant: "it should be faktu then"..(and grumbles about his time being wasted by illiterate nincompoops)
sheesh..These guys are fit enough to diagnose and prescribe even. I should have asked my parents to send my sis to the dispensary of a hospital instead of enrolling her in a med school. Would have saved us some pennies as well as taken care of her handwriting.
Now I proceed to the billing section, where they want the name of the student. Unfortunately the lady in billing favors Tamil over English and my command over the language is limited to "Un peru enna? " (what is your name?), "enikku pasikkithu" (I am hungry), "bathroom enge?" (where is the bathroom?). Just enough to get my work done.
The billing lady asks me something which I interpret as 'what do u need these medicines for?' and instead of saying the very detailed and complex symptoms my friend is suffering, I say "piles". She repeats the question and I shake my head vehemently and repeat the same answer. I hear muffled laughter and smirks behind me and choose to ignore it.
I get the bill and to my utmost horror, discover that in place of name of student she has typed in 'piles'.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
