Some of you might have seen this ad for MTV "on Jobs2" (ya..i had too much time on my hands and a tv at my disposal in hotel room)..well the tag line is 'jobs your parents wont understand'...the ad shows a heart-broken mom crying clutching a bottle of liquor which she found from her daughter's room.. and a baffled daughter trying to say she is a bartender..
well..i think my job should feature there..not as one that 'parents dont understand'...but 'jobs that potential landlords dont understand'... here goes a sample conversation when i am trying to get details abt their apartment..
me: acha bhayya.. kiraya kitna hai??
ll(land lord) : pehle yeh batao..aap kaam kahan pe karti hain?
me (i switch to english coz my hindi vocab doesnt support my job description) : i work with "people interactive"
ll: pepaall..intraaa.....??? kya??
me: inter active...activee.....
ll: acha..acha.. kya kaam hain?
me: i am the asst. product manager there.
ll: matlab?? kya kaam hain??
me: bhaisaab..yeh shaadi.com, makaan.com is sab ka parent company hain.. and i am in charge of shaadi.com.
ll: achaa..achaa... shaadi karvate hain kyaa..achchi baat hain.. meri ek behen hi beti hain.. Computer shamputer kar rahi hain..
me (jumping in): NOOO..noo..not that kind.. i dont arrange marriages.
ll (quizzical look): toh phir??? mandap sajaane ka kaam karte hain kya?
me: no..it is analytics. and market research.
ll: arrreeeyyy..kaam kyaa hain?
me: i..i look at data and say which segments are more profitable. where to put an extra push on. or which offer to give. or what are the relevant search parameter. how i can optimize the product..and do focus groups..and some internal marketing ..you know..
ll: yeh hui naa baat. (turns to the broker and asks) kuch samjhe???
That place did not work. It seemed that the owner was more concerned with the amount of water I use than the deposit amount or rent.. he wanted to how many buckets of water I used for my morning ablutions & bath. How often I took a head-bath. I started wondering if he would kick me outta the home if I happened to have a runny tummy. Dejected..and frustrated me and moi property broker try our luck at the next place. But this time, the broker chap told me to keep mum on the job issue and he will handle it in his way.
ll: kaam??
bc (broker chap): haan..haan..karti hain..
ll: woh toh samaj mein aaya..lekin kahaan??
bc: company mein.
ll: arey bhai..woh bhi pata hain..kaunsi company??
bc: badi company hain? dus barah lakh milti hain?
ll(very curious now): woh kaunsi company hain??
bc: peepal intraa
ll: koi bpo vpo hain kya?
bc: aisa hi samaj lijiye.. (and i sigh deeply in the background)
well..that place too did not suit the budget. It had a bedroom with A/c, fridge, washing machine, & a TV for 15000 bucks…that is if I don’t use the aforesaid facilities. For each of the equipment I use, the rent increases by 1500-3000 bucks. Well… bollocks…my dad is no Ambani.
I just wanted the ‘third time lucky’ so badly that I had devised a strategy which would fit like a glove. Off we went to the third place…
ll: kaam ?
me: bank mein manager.
ll: bhadiya...
and so i got a place to live ..phew.
well..i think my job should feature there..not as one that 'parents dont understand'...but 'jobs that potential landlords dont understand'... here goes a sample conversation when i am trying to get details abt their apartment..
me: acha bhayya.. kiraya kitna hai??
ll(land lord) : pehle yeh batao..aap kaam kahan pe karti hain?
me (i switch to english coz my hindi vocab doesnt support my job description) : i work with "people interactive"
ll: pepaall..intraaa.....??? kya??
me: inter active...activee.....
ll: acha..acha.. kya kaam hain?
me: i am the asst. product manager there.
ll: matlab?? kya kaam hain??
me: bhaisaab..yeh shaadi.com, makaan.com is sab ka parent company hain.. and i am in charge of shaadi.com.
ll: achaa..achaa... shaadi karvate hain kyaa..achchi baat hain.. meri ek behen hi beti hain.. Computer shamputer kar rahi hain..
me (jumping in): NOOO..noo..not that kind.. i dont arrange marriages.
ll (quizzical look): toh phir??? mandap sajaane ka kaam karte hain kya?
me: no..it is analytics. and market research.
ll: arrreeeyyy..kaam kyaa hain?
me: i..i look at data and say which segments are more profitable. where to put an extra push on. or which offer to give. or what are the relevant search parameter. how i can optimize the product..and do focus groups..and some internal marketing ..you know..
ll: yeh hui naa baat. (turns to the broker and asks) kuch samjhe???
That place did not work. It seemed that the owner was more concerned with the amount of water I use than the deposit amount or rent.. he wanted to how many buckets of water I used for my morning ablutions & bath. How often I took a head-bath. I started wondering if he would kick me outta the home if I happened to have a runny tummy. Dejected..and frustrated me and moi property broker try our luck at the next place. But this time, the broker chap told me to keep mum on the job issue and he will handle it in his way.
ll: kaam??
bc (broker chap): haan..haan..karti hain..
ll: woh toh samaj mein aaya..lekin kahaan??
bc: company mein.
ll: arey bhai..woh bhi pata hain..kaunsi company??
bc: badi company hain? dus barah lakh milti hain?
ll(very curious now): woh kaunsi company hain??
bc: peepal intraa
ll: koi bpo vpo hain kya?
bc: aisa hi samaj lijiye.. (and i sigh deeply in the background)
well..that place too did not suit the budget. It had a bedroom with A/c, fridge, washing machine, & a TV for 15000 bucks…that is if I don’t use the aforesaid facilities. For each of the equipment I use, the rent increases by 1500-3000 bucks. Well… bollocks…my dad is no Ambani.
I just wanted the ‘third time lucky’ so badly that I had devised a strategy which would fit like a glove. Off we went to the third place…
ll: kaam ?
me: bank mein manager.
ll: bhadiya...
and so i got a place to live ..phew.
8 comments:
sidin vadukut
jamshed velayuda rajan
keerthy MK
must read bloggers for moi..
Bhai gets of his seat and does obeisance to all 3 fantastic writers!
Too good. Stumbled across your blog from another blog. A very good sense of humour.
We juniors would do well to learn about the trials faced by you all once graduated :)
@sathya: u humble and flatter me at the same time. forgot ur name in the list? modesty eh..
@kirtan: thanks macha..is mein senior junior koi bhed bhaav nahi.. :)
Hahaha...i too faced the same situation while hunting for house in Chennai...they wouldn't give the house to a bachelor or a Non vegetarians..Would have checked out atleast 30 houses..Finally had to pretend I was married and had to beg one of my north Indian friend to pretend as my wife.And Finally when the land lord found out I was staying alone ,I had to tell him that my wife's gone onsite for a year!!!!
@anand: are you sure you havent sold the rights to karan johar for the script??? you are sitting on a pile of cash!!
yeah,But Then it all ended up like a Priyadarshan movie..My had parents were staying with me for a couple of days,When i had gone to the office the adjacent Flat aunty came to invite me for her Grand daughter's Birthday.During her conversation with my Mom the truth Spilled out.After that the Ladies in the Appartment looks at me as though I am a convict and I was given a three months notice period to vacate the flat by the association.
Anyways now I have shifted to a Mallu's Flat.Fortunately He doesn't Seems to have a problem renting his appartment to a bachelor and do not even mind me having a Dog inside the house.
@Anand: again i have to ask..r u sure u havent sold the story yet??? what are you doing then?? this could become the next sathyan anthikad if nothing less..
not priyadarshan..coz for that..there has to be a girl who wud come in n claim to be ur wife..and then u fight..fall in love..and one fine day, she mysteriously disappears..you find her.n then flashback abt some eyewitness-to-murder scene..you fight the blood-thirsty goons.. live happily ever-after :)
Haha..I would prefer a Sathyan anthikaad Story.....Cos there is no Happily ever after...... If there was then most films would have had a second part to show the Happy part... I am happy single and would prefer to stay single.......
Post a Comment