Letter to my teenage self

I heard/read this title somewhere..and it stuck. It was blog-worthy. after throwing away whatever thread of central idea which came my way for months, it was time i did listen to this before i forget how to write at all..

so here goes..

Dear Mottu,

You are 18, and just joined engineering college. You care 2 hoots about electrical engineering.. infact, you just wanted to be in that college. And now that you are in, you are wondering what the big deal was all about. How wrong are you gonna be...oh..i am not supposed to say that..yet.

I know how you claim to not like surprises..but wish how the pleasant ones were infact kept hidden till the last moment. I will not tell you how things will turn out.. there are some things you must experience and learn. I will not take it away from you.

But what i will do is.. i will probably give you some pointers.. you may take them with your typical dismissive roll-of-eyes or not.

Firstly, stop obsessing about your weight..and weighing yourself every 3 hours. You are never going to be as thin as you are now. I know this information is depressing. But atleast, for the next 4 years, you could try and feel more confident about how you look.

And yes, by some grace of god you missed the pimple/zits/problem-skin phase in your teenage years. Many of your friends wondered how your hair was always soft, voluminous & non-fuzzy. All this will change. Enjoy it while it last.

I wish you had not thrown away your pencil sketches..or your attempts at writing short stories & poems. It may have sounded silly to you then.. but now, you cant draw/write half as well. Another depressing thought..

Ok...let me give you some good news.. Those nights when you couldnt sleep coz you were worried sick about your mom's health.. well, it's gonna be alright. She will not be perfectly healthy again. But she will be around. Infact, it gets even better..dad will take a job closer home and will be around full time...which means that you dont have to feel like the man of the house coz he is not around everyday.

Your younger sister has gone some 300 km away to study. And you see her every fortnight or so. Which you think now is good, coz the frequency of fights have come down dramatically and you don't have to share the 1 hr per day internet time. Here i would like to stress on something.. Not everybody is you.. Just becoz you wanted to be left alone during your teenage years, doesn't mean that she wants it too. Talk to her.. be there.. she misses it. You will not know this now. And by the time you realise that all that she wanted was you to reach out to her, and tell her that she is being missed, you'd kick yourself for being such an ass all these years.

Do not fight with your mom so much. You do have a thing for sounding out statements for effect without realising it's impact. She is not trying to live your life for you...she is just concerned. Listen to your dad when he asks you to read newspapers & listen to evening-news. Your aversion to politics & sports is never gonna change.. but be aware of what is happening around you. Tell your parents that you love them..once in a while.

I know mom says you spend too much time on phone with friends. its ok. some of them are the ones you'd cherish for life. Even now, you'd have them as your sounding board and sympathetic ear, no matter wherever they are across the world. You think that 'falling-in-love' is for losers and all that. It will change. But please..please..listen to yourself when you do start feeling 'something's not right here'... realize that the reason you are feeling something is amiss...is coz something is amiss..

Do not get too stressed because your goal isnt that clear yet. You sound very confident, but i know you are completely clueless. It's no use worrying...you wouldn't know it..hell, i am not sure even now. But it will work out fine.

Rethink on your i-will-be-wedded-to-my-career tagline. But anyways, no hurry. you have enough time for that. For now, you can focus on getting a job/passing out. That said, have fun while you can. Dance as much as you want... you'd never get this opportunity again.

10 years is not much time for me to know what you did wrong then and what i am doing right now. maybe a 10 more years later, some of these tips would take a paradigm shift... who knows!

all i want you to know before signing out is.. it's ok.. it'll all work out fine. you'll (with some help from friends/family) sail through it all. for now, it's your time in the sun. make most of it. maybe i'll write later...

with love,

me.