The title of the post is the name of a new book - a collection of 16 essays curated by Meghan Daum and written by authors who decided not to have children.
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Mamihlapinatapai
No, that's not what happens when you fall asleep over your keyboard and drag your nose along the keys. It is a real word !! Seriously ! I am not making this sh*t up, i tell ya! Don't believe me? Google it up.
And the lord of wisdom says "The word Mamihlapinatapai (sometimes spelled mamihlapinatapei) is derived from the Yaghan language of Tierra del Fuego, listed in The Guinness Book of World Records as the "most succinct word", and is considered one of the hardest words to translate."
And what does it mean exactly?? I am glad you asked. It means roughly "The wordless, yet meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start." Now is there anything more bitter-sweet than this? The first time I read this word here (and i do not remember how i stumbled upon it...might have something to do with excessive amount of time spend on Pinterest), maybe like most, the first image i had is of a romantic moment between two people. That painfully excruciating, endless, powerful, sweet, tense moment where two people are using all sorts of mental telepathy to make the other do something or say something. And if, the stars are aligned, the moment is right, and atleast one of them have enough pluck, that telepathy works. Or most of the time, it is just lost and just brings a tinge of regret when you think of it later. Never happened to you? Who are you kidding!
And then, when i think of the word a bit more... it is not just a moment in romantic relationship. We have so many Mami---blah-blah moments throughout our day at work and in personal life. Just think of the two people involved as you and your devil's-advocate-alter-ego (whatever adjective it has at that point of time. Mine ranges from the rational to the go-jump-off-cliff-to-see-what-happens states). You are not sure who would blink first. Most of the time, you wait...waiting for yourself to be overcome by the sheer intensity of your emotion/idea that you have no other choice but to act on it..or just wait for that moment to pass. And then, you shrug your shoulders and murmer 'hmm..that wasnt meant to be'. This could be a new project idea at work which isnt completely ironed out to be presented to the team rightaway, or just telling someone 'no' or 'yes', or changing your mind about something or someone even though you were party to the whole plan the whole time, or just about listening really intently to what your impulse wants you to do.
How often does that moment pass you by?
And the lord of wisdom says "The word Mamihlapinatapai (sometimes spelled mamihlapinatapei) is derived from the Yaghan language of Tierra del Fuego, listed in The Guinness Book of World Records as the "most succinct word", and is considered one of the hardest words to translate."
And what does it mean exactly?? I am glad you asked. It means roughly "The wordless, yet meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start." Now is there anything more bitter-sweet than this? The first time I read this word here (and i do not remember how i stumbled upon it...might have something to do with excessive amount of time spend on Pinterest), maybe like most, the first image i had is of a romantic moment between two people. That painfully excruciating, endless, powerful, sweet, tense moment where two people are using all sorts of mental telepathy to make the other do something or say something. And if, the stars are aligned, the moment is right, and atleast one of them have enough pluck, that telepathy works. Or most of the time, it is just lost and just brings a tinge of regret when you think of it later. Never happened to you? Who are you kidding!
And then, when i think of the word a bit more... it is not just a moment in romantic relationship. We have so many Mami---blah-blah moments throughout our day at work and in personal life. Just think of the two people involved as you and your devil's-advocate-alter-ego (whatever adjective it has at that point of time. Mine ranges from the rational to the go-jump-off-cliff-to-see-what-happens states). You are not sure who would blink first. Most of the time, you wait...waiting for yourself to be overcome by the sheer intensity of your emotion/idea that you have no other choice but to act on it..or just wait for that moment to pass. And then, you shrug your shoulders and murmer 'hmm..that wasnt meant to be'. This could be a new project idea at work which isnt completely ironed out to be presented to the team rightaway, or just telling someone 'no' or 'yes', or changing your mind about something or someone even though you were party to the whole plan the whole time, or just about listening really intently to what your impulse wants you to do.
How often does that moment pass you by?
Sunday, May 04, 2014
The tongue that binds
Are you ashamed of the place you were born in? Ashamed of your mother tongue? Do you not want to pass on your cultural and linguistic heritage to the next generation? If not, why don't you speak to your kids in your/their mother tongue ..confound it !!
This behavior of new-age parents living in cities / towns outside their home-state baffles me to the core. Most Indians speak a minimum of 3 languages – their mother tongue, English & Hindi or language of state where they live. Earlier the journey towards mastering or rather at least managing these languages always started with one’s own mother tongue. That's what you hear your parents, grand-parents, relatives, neighbors and friends speak in. Even before stepping into a world of formalized and institutionalized education, the toddler will speak his/her mother tongue with absolute fluency.
With the increasing number of youngster moving out of their home-state, settling and raising a family in far-off metros or aspiring metros, it is inevitable that the young one hears a mix of tongues around him growing up. But why does it have to mean that the parents speak to the kids only in English? For getting ahead in school ? For better pronunciation and accent-neutralization in early age? for seeming hep and with-it? For making your kid the global citizen he is? If not the parents, who will get the kid in touch with their roots? Would the hapless grand-parents with halting English have to make do with sign languages?
Is there is a scientific or logical explanation that speaking their native language to children will hurt them socially or academically? In fact a short googling will show studies which support the fact that children with strong first language skills are more ready and able to learn a second language. In other words, it’s difficult to build a second language if the first language foundation is not established and supported WHILE the second language is being learned.
A curious exception to the phenomenon is that of kids brought up outside India. There, somehow, I see a higher proportion of parents who make it a matter of principle to get the kid well-versed in their mother-tongue. It is a part of getting them know their cultural heritage. Ofcourse it takes time and effort to teach a kid anything – did anybody say parenting was easy?
This behavior of new-age parents living in cities / towns outside their home-state baffles me to the core. Most Indians speak a minimum of 3 languages – their mother tongue, English & Hindi or language of state where they live. Earlier the journey towards mastering or rather at least managing these languages always started with one’s own mother tongue. That's what you hear your parents, grand-parents, relatives, neighbors and friends speak in. Even before stepping into a world of formalized and institutionalized education, the toddler will speak his/her mother tongue with absolute fluency.
With the increasing number of youngster moving out of their home-state, settling and raising a family in far-off metros or aspiring metros, it is inevitable that the young one hears a mix of tongues around him growing up. But why does it have to mean that the parents speak to the kids only in English? For getting ahead in school ? For better pronunciation and accent-neutralization in early age? for seeming hep and with-it? For making your kid the global citizen he is? If not the parents, who will get the kid in touch with their roots? Would the hapless grand-parents with halting English have to make do with sign languages?
Is there is a scientific or logical explanation that speaking their native language to children will hurt them socially or academically? In fact a short googling will show studies which support the fact that children with strong first language skills are more ready and able to learn a second language. In other words, it’s difficult to build a second language if the first language foundation is not established and supported WHILE the second language is being learned.
A curious exception to the phenomenon is that of kids brought up outside India. There, somehow, I see a higher proportion of parents who make it a matter of principle to get the kid well-versed in their mother-tongue. It is a part of getting them know their cultural heritage. Ofcourse it takes time and effort to teach a kid anything – did anybody say parenting was easy?
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Till ''I do'' us do part
A dear friend reminded me the other day that i did have blog with a rather pretentious spanish name. And I finally admitted to myself that due to this blog's non-anonymous nature, i was not able to post some stuff without landing self into huge trouble at workplace... And then it became a habit, not writing about things which I feel strongly about. So here is my attempt to write about a train of thought i have been having for the past few weeks..it might hurt some feelings or break some illusions, but then, what is the point of having a space in the blogosphere if you cant call a spade a spade ?
Question is - Are opposite sex friends a poor proxy to your spouse ?Is friendship a stand-in until you have a marital relationship & life?
Before i take on a holier-than-thou attitude and start preaching on what & what does not constitute true friendship, let me confess my sins. I have probably lost more friends to sheer laziness in keeping in touch than i care to admit. But, this laziness was not aggravated even by a slight degree just because my Facebook status changed from 'single' to 'married'. I have always been a very lethargic person in terms of returning calls or writing mails.
But what is up with the guy-friends who had been there for me through thick & thin suddenly doing a MIA once they bite the bullet & tie the knot ? And no, I am not talking about the ones who a-la-Karan Johar says "Dosti hi pyaar hai..Love is friendship" and similar assorted bullshit. I can, with a very high degree of confidence, say that it was not a 'if you can't be my girlfriend, let us atleast remain friends' kind of relation i had with them. These were the guys who would completely forget I am a girl in the first place, the ones who would go through all single girls in my friends' list painstakingly to find the next one they could bribe me for the mobile number, the ones who had my back in my escapades, the ones who clarified what a particular cuss word meant, the ones who would put me in place, made me cry with their practical jokes & the ones who would cheer me up from the worst emotional doldrums.
One day he is doing a emotional blackmail on you to smooth talk to his parents/ girlfriends so that they do not push the 'get-your-sorry-ass-married-already' discussion. Next thing you know, he call up and wail for hours as to why his life is gonna be miserable coz the girl is now 'found'/ families have met and the bachelor days are numbered. Then you, like a idiot, console them with stories like 'married life isn't so bad...atleast you can share the rent and maybe she would do the laundry!'. And then comes the Q&A session with questions like 'Is it too early to gift sexy lingerie?' or 'Should i quit smoking coz she is asking me to?' and the shopping trips to perfume / jewellery / textile / soft toy stores where you basically given a budget to shop for his significant other with the only helpful guideline of 'make it look as if i have spent considerable time thinking about this gift' !
And by now with experience, that probably would be the last time he is gonna come to you when he wants a shoulder to cry on or an emotional sand bag to punch on. This would be the cue that your cameo role is his life is more or less over. Time to take a bow & exit, stage-left.
Another one of my guy-bestie is getting hitched this year end and i cant but sigh thinking that he too would, in all probability, walk the same road. I am happy that his wayward ways are gonna end, his mom can breathe a sigh of relief and his lungs & liver would write a 'thank you' note.. but i am also sad that my name is soon fall out of the 'most frequent called' list from his smart phone. And it is also the time i do a silent prayer to thank god for girlfriends.
Saturday, January 07, 2012
Yes Boss ???
There are some styles of management or rather mis-management which never did make sense to me.. and in all probability never will. I have, perhaps, not been long enough in the corporate circle to get the subtle nuances, but still what i lack in longevity, i make up in quantity. In a span of 5 yrs of "working" for a living, i have worked for over 8 bosses... From each, i learned what they thought about human psychology.
Type 1: Blind-eye
Avoidance, if not ignorance, is bliss.
I have to digress for an anecdote here. In earlier times, when powdered rice or wheat flour was a rarity, the women of the household would buy the grain, wash it, separate the stones, spread it on a mat, dry it and then lug it along to the 'mill' to get it powdered. The tricky part here is drying. You have to keep a regular watch out for the feathered fiends who swoop down for their beak-ful of the good stuff. My grand-mom would do the buy-inspect-wash-spread part and then entrust my grand-dad to keep an eye out for the pigeons. Grandpa would get his favourite armchair out, put it under the shade of the tree and proceed to watch the grain.
After a while he would get comfortable with his chair, the shade and the breeze .. it becomes a rather tiresome job to lift his upper body up and say "shoooo....shoooo" to the birds which gather around. He rids himself of the guilt by closing his eyes whenever the birds come down. What he doesn't see...doesn't happen. What he doesn't see...is not his responsibility. What he doesn't see...cannot be blamed on him.What a comforting thought.
Most of my managers were like my grandpa in this responsibility aspect. They somehow think that if you ignore it, it will fade away. You speak to them, and he remains nonchalant on your concerns/ideas. You write, he doesn't reply. You propose meetings, he doesn't accept or refuse the meeting requests. You lay ambush to pounce on him and you see him walking the longer route to avoid running into you.
They hate confrontation..are skeptical of new ideas.. and delay decision making. Nature would do its job and heal stuff, right??
Type 2: Pass the Baton
Over-delegation is the key to happiness!
Delegation of tasks, it is said, gives the person a sense of ownership of the task which in turn makes him more responsible and concerned about the outcome. Good idea.. But one manager i knew over-did this part. Well.... he did nothing but delegate. Which was still ok, if one could still ask him for guidance, or atleast a vague idea of what is expected.
One good thing about these guys are...most of them will flatter you really well.. will give raving appreciation infront of your peers. But 'the catch' - none of this will get to the boss's boss. The delegater will be the black box that tasks go into and come out as solved - atleast that's what the big boss sees.
Word of advice. Get out !! you might get the challenges..but never the credit.
Type 3 : Micro Management
Nothing is right, until I do it.
This one is also a rather common style of management. Boss thinks he knows best. Hence, he has to do it. If he doesnt do it..he has to tell you how exactly to do it. And then, look over your shoulder to see if you are doing it the way he wants you to. Also a periodic review to know where you are and if you are putting your toes out of the line. He checks and then double-checks if you have dotted your 'i's and scored your 't's. And still is not happy coz he would have done it much better, ya know!!
One manager i worked with was so obsessed with the indentation & colors in a powerpoint slides, that she was least bothered about the content. It did not impress her that i came up with out of box ideas to address a task more efficiently coz i had not used the same font size for headings everywhere ! The silver lining in the cloud if you are working for such managers, is that you would eventually become a perfectionist yourself or at-least develop an eye for detail.
Type 4: The buddy
The fairy god-mother/father type.
Woe to those who have this type of bosses - only coz you will be so spoilt under this guy that you will never find peace once the reporting structure changes. Why ? coz here is a guy who gives you the visibility, responsibility & credit. He would also shoulder some part of the blame from the bigger guys if things dont work out & will have your back during those firing sessions. He would give you a piece of his mind too - but not in front of his superiors or your peers, but in private. His criticisms would always be non-personal. His appreciations as well. He may be around for a round of beer on a friday night and would do team lunches paid out of his pocket just for the heck of it.
who wouldnt want such a person to work under ?? But then again, once you have such a great role model to look upto and emulate..what happens once you are out of this magical world ? Things become even more unbearable. Your tolerance for crass & insensitivity reaches a new law.
Welcome to corporate life !
Type 1: Blind-eye
Avoidance, if not ignorance, is bliss.
I have to digress for an anecdote here. In earlier times, when powdered rice or wheat flour was a rarity, the women of the household would buy the grain, wash it, separate the stones, spread it on a mat, dry it and then lug it along to the 'mill' to get it powdered. The tricky part here is drying. You have to keep a regular watch out for the feathered fiends who swoop down for their beak-ful of the good stuff. My grand-mom would do the buy-inspect-wash-spread part and then entrust my grand-dad to keep an eye out for the pigeons. Grandpa would get his favourite armchair out, put it under the shade of the tree and proceed to watch the grain.
After a while he would get comfortable with his chair, the shade and the breeze .. it becomes a rather tiresome job to lift his upper body up and say "shoooo....shoooo" to the birds which gather around. He rids himself of the guilt by closing his eyes whenever the birds come down. What he doesn't see...doesn't happen. What he doesn't see...is not his responsibility. What he doesn't see...cannot be blamed on him.What a comforting thought.
Most of my managers were like my grandpa in this responsibility aspect. They somehow think that if you ignore it, it will fade away. You speak to them, and he remains nonchalant on your concerns/ideas. You write, he doesn't reply. You propose meetings, he doesn't accept or refuse the meeting requests. You lay ambush to pounce on him and you see him walking the longer route to avoid running into you.
They hate confrontation..are skeptical of new ideas.. and delay decision making. Nature would do its job and heal stuff, right??
Type 2: Pass the Baton
Over-delegation is the key to happiness!
Delegation of tasks, it is said, gives the person a sense of ownership of the task which in turn makes him more responsible and concerned about the outcome. Good idea.. But one manager i knew over-did this part. Well.... he did nothing but delegate. Which was still ok, if one could still ask him for guidance, or atleast a vague idea of what is expected.
One good thing about these guys are...most of them will flatter you really well.. will give raving appreciation infront of your peers. But 'the catch' - none of this will get to the boss's boss. The delegater will be the black box that tasks go into and come out as solved - atleast that's what the big boss sees.
Word of advice. Get out !! you might get the challenges..but never the credit.
Type 3 : Micro Management
Nothing is right, until I do it.
This one is also a rather common style of management. Boss thinks he knows best. Hence, he has to do it. If he doesnt do it..he has to tell you how exactly to do it. And then, look over your shoulder to see if you are doing it the way he wants you to. Also a periodic review to know where you are and if you are putting your toes out of the line. He checks and then double-checks if you have dotted your 'i's and scored your 't's. And still is not happy coz he would have done it much better, ya know!!
One manager i worked with was so obsessed with the indentation & colors in a powerpoint slides, that she was least bothered about the content. It did not impress her that i came up with out of box ideas to address a task more efficiently coz i had not used the same font size for headings everywhere ! The silver lining in the cloud if you are working for such managers, is that you would eventually become a perfectionist yourself or at-least develop an eye for detail.
Type 4: The buddy
The fairy god-mother/father type.
Woe to those who have this type of bosses - only coz you will be so spoilt under this guy that you will never find peace once the reporting structure changes. Why ? coz here is a guy who gives you the visibility, responsibility & credit. He would also shoulder some part of the blame from the bigger guys if things dont work out & will have your back during those firing sessions. He would give you a piece of his mind too - but not in front of his superiors or your peers, but in private. His criticisms would always be non-personal. His appreciations as well. He may be around for a round of beer on a friday night and would do team lunches paid out of his pocket just for the heck of it.
who wouldnt want such a person to work under ?? But then again, once you have such a great role model to look upto and emulate..what happens once you are out of this magical world ? Things become even more unbearable. Your tolerance for crass & insensitivity reaches a new law.
Welcome to corporate life !
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
Maha-Men in our Epics. Part II
Another ex: "Sita..or Not-to-Sita" by Ram
This is from the other great Epic, Ramayana.. which basically talks about SriRam (yes, only one 'Sri') and his life, battles & marital struggles...and most of all his sense of insecurity as a person.
Sita weds Ram in a Swayamvar .. for her it was love at first sight. Shortly after, back in Ram's kingdom Ayodhya, his stepmom, Kaikeyi schemes to send Ram into the jungle for 14 years. Ram obeys his dad's order & packs up his trekking gear. Sita, who i presume had been reading too many 'Go Vegan'.. 'The Natural way' and the likes, puts her dainty pedicured foot down to take her along. They are joined by Ram's half-bro Lakshman (who incidently, did not take his wife along..but instructed her to take care of his old parents than slurping on a 'Carribean Cocktail' in the jungle resort with him).
Many think that it was Sita's fascination with beautiful things which paved the way for the great battle of Lanka. I think not. It was Ram's lack of common courtesy which started it all. Ravana's (the demon king of island Lanka) sister had the hots for Ram. She asked him nicely Ram ridiculed her. Well, he could have left it at that..but he instructed Lakshmana to cut her nose & ears out as well.. Ok!! this kinda mutilation shouldn't go unanswered ..should it? Ram had it coming... (though he get bonus marks for saying 'No' to a one-night stand with Surpanaka). Snubbing the babe is scorn-worthy enough, why throw in an unrequited cosmetic surgery??
Ravana made Mareechan transform into a golden deer & prance around Sita.. Bored with the old copies of 'Cosmopolitan', she wanted the deer to play with and asks Ram to get it for her. Off went Ram (anything to stop the nagging!) trailing the deer.. Dinner time..Sita worried herself sick that the Soup would go cold and asks Lakshman to go fetch Ram. Off he went as well. The coast being clear of deer-chasers, Ravana makes his entry and carries off Sita to Lanka..
Now starts the part that irks me. Ram gathers together a battalion of Monkey-men, builds a bridge to the island Lanka kingdom, beats Raavan black and blue and then.. and then..throws a tantrum saying he cant take Sita back. So why the hell did he do all this naatak for, one may ask. And the answer is "Ego". How can an Indian male take it lying down when a random guy runs off with your wife? You do the socially accepted thing.. i.e. track the bugger down, stop just short of murdering him and then dump her. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it. Nobody gets the better of you..mind it!!
Sita musters up a plan to prove her innocence & chastity. Ram is convinced (for now), re-instate her position as his wife and all of them pack their bags to head back to Ayodhya to claim the rightful place as King & Queen..as Papa dear is no longer warming the throne. Things go hunky-dory for some time until Ram gets provoked by a comment made by a washerman regarding Sita's chastity. 'The King should be blemish-less' and off goes the now-pregnant Sita outta the palace again. Ram this time delegates the dirty work to Lakshmana..and like a kitten litter being dumped, Sita is taken away from the metropolis to the forest and left to fend for herself with some old-as-wood ascetics to keep her company.
Their story, their marriage..fine. No problem of mine.. But SriRam being touted as the 'ideal man' ?? Heck no!! What he wanted Sita for...was to fill up a position - the would-be prince should wed, the King should have an heir...there were a list of 'should be' attached to his own social standing he had to perform. His marriage to Sita was one such pre-requisite. Even this is acceptable..if only he could have been a bit more secure as a person and trust that his wife will not leap on the next available man in his absence.
But i guess the 'ideal men' are supposed to look outward for social acceptance than inward for concerns on emotional security.
This is from the other great Epic, Ramayana.. which basically talks about SriRam (yes, only one 'Sri') and his life, battles & marital struggles...and most of all his sense of insecurity as a person.
Sita weds Ram in a Swayamvar .. for her it was love at first sight. Shortly after, back in Ram's kingdom Ayodhya, his stepmom, Kaikeyi schemes to send Ram into the jungle for 14 years. Ram obeys his dad's order & packs up his trekking gear. Sita, who i presume had been reading too many 'Go Vegan'.. 'The Natural way' and the likes, puts her dainty pedicured foot down to take her along. They are joined by Ram's half-bro Lakshman (who incidently, did not take his wife along..but instructed her to take care of his old parents than slurping on a 'Carribean Cocktail' in the jungle resort with him).
Many think that it was Sita's fascination with beautiful things which paved the way for the great battle of Lanka. I think not. It was Ram's lack of common courtesy which started it all. Ravana's (the demon king of island Lanka) sister had the hots for Ram. She asked him nicely Ram ridiculed her. Well, he could have left it at that..but he instructed Lakshmana to cut her nose & ears out as well.. Ok!! this kinda mutilation shouldn't go unanswered ..should it? Ram had it coming... (though he get bonus marks for saying 'No' to a one-night stand with Surpanaka). Snubbing the babe is scorn-worthy enough, why throw in an unrequited cosmetic surgery??
Ravana made Mareechan transform into a golden deer & prance around Sita.. Bored with the old copies of 'Cosmopolitan', she wanted the deer to play with and asks Ram to get it for her. Off went Ram (anything to stop the nagging!) trailing the deer.. Dinner time..Sita worried herself sick that the Soup would go cold and asks Lakshman to go fetch Ram. Off he went as well. The coast being clear of deer-chasers, Ravana makes his entry and carries off Sita to Lanka..
 |
| Go to www.sitasingstheblues.com for Sita's view on Ramayana |
Sita musters up a plan to prove her innocence & chastity. Ram is convinced (for now), re-instate her position as his wife and all of them pack their bags to head back to Ayodhya to claim the rightful place as King & Queen..as Papa dear is no longer warming the throne. Things go hunky-dory for some time until Ram gets provoked by a comment made by a washerman regarding Sita's chastity. 'The King should be blemish-less' and off goes the now-pregnant Sita outta the palace again. Ram this time delegates the dirty work to Lakshmana..and like a kitten litter being dumped, Sita is taken away from the metropolis to the forest and left to fend for herself with some old-as-wood ascetics to keep her company.
Their story, their marriage..fine. No problem of mine.. But SriRam being touted as the 'ideal man' ?? Heck no!! What he wanted Sita for...was to fill up a position - the would-be prince should wed, the King should have an heir...there were a list of 'should be' attached to his own social standing he had to perform. His marriage to Sita was one such pre-requisite. Even this is acceptable..if only he could have been a bit more secure as a person and trust that his wife will not leap on the next available man in his absence.
But i guess the 'ideal men' are supposed to look outward for social acceptance than inward for concerns on emotional security.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Maha-men in our Epics. Part I
Watching TV was not something that was openly encouraged in my family. In moderation though, this activity was deemed mandatory. 'Moderation' being defined as watching the 7pm news & 'Mahabharat' on Sunday mornings. I am, ofcourse, talking about the pre-Cable , pre- Satellite TV era..when all homes had only 1 channel... our good old Doordharshan.. DD for short.
If I & my sister behaved like nice kids the entire week i.e. did home-work without being forced to, ran errands without sulking, had quieter/shorter arm wrestles & scratch-others-eyes-out-fights, did not put up a fight when woken up for school in morning etc..etc.. we could get to watch chitrahaar on friday night. For 7 whole days of imposed & monitored saintliness, our much awaited reward was seeing the skimpy (chiffon saree in rain!! skirts with flares which rise up to show a stockinged leg when they twirl... OMG!!) dressed hindi film heroines & chocolate heroes (baggy blue jeans, sportshoes, t-shirt with graphic print in front worn with unbuttoned xxxxxl shirt tied into a knot at waist) gyrating their pelvis and dancing amongst earthen pots/flowers/250 dancers.
Watching Mahabharat on a lazy Sunday morning (mostly while downing your breakfast) was something we were supposed to do..but dint mind doing. This programme was made compulsory because
1. We are Hindus by birth..and should know what/how Krishna was.
2. Mom thought that girls should know about culture/mythology so that we dont get 'too-westernized'
3. We would hear something other than 'Dhak..dhak karne lagaa..' & some of that non-dhak-dhak variety of knowledge would find its way into our cranium.
4. Parents did not want us to embarrass them if someone asks me/my sis 'who are the trimurti?' and we would answer confidently ''I think it is really shahrukh, amir & salman..though the movie starred shahrukh,anil kapoor & jackie.''
Now, Mahabharat can be interpreted many many ways...and each of it is right. Some pundits say that this epic holds the key to many of life's questions. And each person in the epic embodies a certain character-trait which should be emulated.. even the villians.. (for ex: Dhuryodhana's loyalty..Kaikeyi's servitude to husband etc. etc.).
For me, instead of solving my questions, this show & the story had infact raised many. Instead of getting awe-inspired by the unshakeable strength of character that each of the protagonists had, i got more dejected & repulsed with certain events in the storyline. The most common explanations i hear for this 'perceived' flaw in any of the Gods is that 'Even Gods are not perfect..and they do not intend man to be'.. Or 'These incarnations were created in the form of Man & some flaws had to inculcated in them to be more mortal-like'.
I dont buy these arguments... I believe that Gods should be imitation-worthy. They should embody all that we want to achieve & to be. Some fatal lack of strength tarnishes His image in my mind forever.
For ex: Draupati's Saree(?) Act.
Now, to start with, i hated Kunthi for saying 'Share it..whatever it is' to her 5 sons (the Pandavas ) when they came home with the prize(the bride) after Arjun won Draupati's swayamvara competition. This was purportedly done to keep the 5 brothers united. A wife for each = 5 wives in the family.. surely which mother-in-law would like to be outnumbered? With not one but 5 husbands to handle, poor Draupati would have no time to pick up saas-bahu tiffs.. clever, no?
To get around the 'i was here first', 'i am the eldest'., 'but, i won her!' hassles & tug-o-war among the siblings, it was agreed that each one gets a year with his wife..and during that time, none of the other husbands may enjoy her company or even see her. This worked well enough & the five year cycle continued.
Though the Draupati babe had not much of a say on the count of her husbands, there are events which reveal that she had a sense of identity, had her own strong opinions & sense of humour.
Coming to the 'Act'..
The eldest big-bro of Pandavas, Yudhistr, was a gamble-freak. So his cousin-gang Kauravas comprising of Duryodhana & 100 more such (remember: it was time before 'hum do, hamare ek/do!') hatch a plan to make Yudhi gamble & lose his inheritance ( kingdom, wealth,..blah..blah). Yudhi falls for the trap, gambles on & proceed to lose his wealth, his throne, himself & his brothers. When left with nothing to gamble more, Yudhi did what any self-respecting gambler would do.. gamble on his wife. No brownies for guessing what happened.. he lost..again..
Rendered to the status of a slave due to her husband's deeds, Draupati is hastily summoned to the court..where she is verbally abused (She is called a whore for having 5 husbands).. made passes at (Karna asks her to sit on his lap)..& Dusshasana (another Kaurav sibling) think it would be jolly good fun to strip her naked in the court and proceeds to do so.
Like any 8 yr old fed on a steady diet of Hindi films would ask.. what were her 5 husbands doing all this while.. Isnt the 'man' of the family the protector/provider/avenger ?.. Oh well, in this one..they just sit back & watch.. At times, they hang their heads in shame. At one point of time when Arjun gets up in rage, Yudhi blocks him saying 'Whoaa..nelly.. hang on.. remember ..we too are slaves!!. So jus sit your ass back'.
Draupati realized that her husbands do not have the collective vertebrae to help her & turns to her friend Krishna for help...who does help her & keeps her modesty intact. This dis-robing ordeal over, Pandavas are asked to leave the kingdom & they promptly do so..with Draupati in tow..
("WTF!! why did she go with them?? Does she have short term memory loss....why cant she just file for a divorce & do Ctrl+C 4 times. Or better, why cant she marry Krishna..he got enough wives already, surely one more wont hurt.")
Or perhaps this is a interesting experiment in the group psychology. If an event is witnessed by many people, the probability of reaction decreases with the number of witness. Which is to say, if Draupati had one husband instead of 5..he would have, maybe..just maybe, stood up for her dignity. Here, each thought that anyone of the other four would have the pluck to react.
Anywhich way, embodiment of righteousness or not, what Big B Yudhi did..was just not right.
If I & my sister behaved like nice kids the entire week i.e. did home-work without being forced to, ran errands without sulking, had quieter/shorter arm wrestles & scratch-others-eyes-out-fights, did not put up a fight when woken up for school in morning etc..etc.. we could get to watch chitrahaar on friday night. For 7 whole days of imposed & monitored saintliness, our much awaited reward was seeing the skimpy (chiffon saree in rain!! skirts with flares which rise up to show a stockinged leg when they twirl... OMG!!) dressed hindi film heroines & chocolate heroes (baggy blue jeans, sportshoes, t-shirt with graphic print in front worn with unbuttoned xxxxxl shirt tied into a knot at waist) gyrating their pelvis and dancing amongst earthen pots/flowers/250 dancers.
Watching Mahabharat on a lazy Sunday morning (mostly while downing your breakfast) was something we were supposed to do..but dint mind doing. This programme was made compulsory because
1. We are Hindus by birth..and should know what/how Krishna was.
2. Mom thought that girls should know about culture/mythology so that we dont get 'too-westernized'
3. We would hear something other than 'Dhak..dhak karne lagaa..' & some of that non-dhak-dhak variety of knowledge would find its way into our cranium.
4. Parents did not want us to embarrass them if someone asks me/my sis 'who are the trimurti?' and we would answer confidently ''I think it is really shahrukh, amir & salman..though the movie starred shahrukh,anil kapoor & jackie.''
Now, Mahabharat can be interpreted many many ways...and each of it is right. Some pundits say that this epic holds the key to many of life's questions. And each person in the epic embodies a certain character-trait which should be emulated.. even the villians.. (for ex: Dhuryodhana's loyalty..Kaikeyi's servitude to husband etc. etc.).
For me, instead of solving my questions, this show & the story had infact raised many. Instead of getting awe-inspired by the unshakeable strength of character that each of the protagonists had, i got more dejected & repulsed with certain events in the storyline. The most common explanations i hear for this 'perceived' flaw in any of the Gods is that 'Even Gods are not perfect..and they do not intend man to be'.. Or 'These incarnations were created in the form of Man & some flaws had to inculcated in them to be more mortal-like'.
I dont buy these arguments... I believe that Gods should be imitation-worthy. They should embody all that we want to achieve & to be. Some fatal lack of strength tarnishes His image in my mind forever.
For ex: Draupati's Saree(?) Act.
Now, to start with, i hated Kunthi for saying 'Share it..whatever it is' to her 5 sons (the Pandavas ) when they came home with the prize(the bride) after Arjun won Draupati's swayamvara competition. This was purportedly done to keep the 5 brothers united. A wife for each = 5 wives in the family.. surely which mother-in-law would like to be outnumbered? With not one but 5 husbands to handle, poor Draupati would have no time to pick up saas-bahu tiffs.. clever, no?
To get around the 'i was here first', 'i am the eldest'., 'but, i won her!' hassles & tug-o-war among the siblings, it was agreed that each one gets a year with his wife..and during that time, none of the other husbands may enjoy her company or even see her. This worked well enough & the five year cycle continued.
Though the Draupati babe had not much of a say on the count of her husbands, there are events which reveal that she had a sense of identity, had her own strong opinions & sense of humour.
Coming to the 'Act'..
The eldest big-bro of Pandavas, Yudhistr, was a gamble-freak. So his cousin-gang Kauravas comprising of Duryodhana & 100 more such (remember: it was time before 'hum do, hamare ek/do!') hatch a plan to make Yudhi gamble & lose his inheritance ( kingdom, wealth,..blah..blah). Yudhi falls for the trap, gambles on & proceed to lose his wealth, his throne, himself & his brothers. When left with nothing to gamble more, Yudhi did what any self-respecting gambler would do.. gamble on his wife. No brownies for guessing what happened.. he lost..again..
Rendered to the status of a slave due to her husband's deeds, Draupati is hastily summoned to the court..where she is verbally abused (She is called a whore for having 5 husbands).. made passes at (Karna asks her to sit on his lap)..& Dusshasana (another Kaurav sibling) think it would be jolly good fun to strip her naked in the court and proceeds to do so.
Like any 8 yr old fed on a steady diet of Hindi films would ask.. what were her 5 husbands doing all this while.. Isnt the 'man' of the family the protector/provider/avenger ?.. Oh well, in this one..they just sit back & watch.. At times, they hang their heads in shame. At one point of time when Arjun gets up in rage, Yudhi blocks him saying 'Whoaa..nelly.. hang on.. remember ..we too are slaves!!. So jus sit your ass back'.
Draupati realized that her husbands do not have the collective vertebrae to help her & turns to her friend Krishna for help...who does help her & keeps her modesty intact. This dis-robing ordeal over, Pandavas are asked to leave the kingdom & they promptly do so..with Draupati in tow..
("WTF!! why did she go with them?? Does she have short term memory loss....why cant she just file for a divorce & do Ctrl+C 4 times. Or better, why cant she marry Krishna..he got enough wives already, surely one more wont hurt.")
Or perhaps this is a interesting experiment in the group psychology. If an event is witnessed by many people, the probability of reaction decreases with the number of witness. Which is to say, if Draupati had one husband instead of 5..he would have, maybe..just maybe, stood up for her dignity. Here, each thought that anyone of the other four would have the pluck to react.
Anywhich way, embodiment of righteousness or not, what Big B Yudhi did..was just not right.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Menopause in your 20's
I, probably, would be the last person on earth to write on any biological phenomenon or bodily functions. My tryst with biology was severly severed (giggle..severly severed.. Frightfully frightened.. Readily ready giggle..giggle) after my Class X board exams. I used to mug up the terms & the various functions of different ventricle, enzymes & such ..and just write it out with the sole purpose of passing the exam. It is true that i have good marks in Botany & Zoology.. But thats because of my ability to do a faithful reproduction of the content in my textbook.
The only remote link i then had with the subject was the pictures in lab-record books i used to draw for my 'science-group but artistically non-inclined' friends. Even then these pictures fell short of academic expectations.. My lizards smiled, or the female Schistosomes haematobium coyly batted eyelids (?) at its male counterpart (or were they unisex?), human heart had a small compartment called 'Antonia Banderas'… Needless to say, my friends got in varying degrees of trouble.
But i digress.. This menopause, as i promised earlier, is nothing to do with blood & hormonal changes.. & even men can have it. Do you? Let's take the quiz.
1. You get out of bed in morning & the thought of going to office makes you want to curl back into the inviting warmth/coziness of your plush mattress.2. You catch yourself wishing for a national holiday / strike / hartal / president's death so that you dont have to spend another day in that dreadful place.
3. You feel that the weekends are too far & too short in between & goes off even before it starts.
.. Did you say 'No' to all.. Hmmph.. Let us try again..
4. You have your CV/Resume updated…'just-in-case'.. Or worse, it is already uploaded in some job-hunting site or been sent to a friend to be 'referred' into his/her company.
5. You keep doing the 'what -if' situation in your head ( What if i had not been an engineer/manager/… What if i had chosen another college/job/company.. What if i take a loooong break..What if i sit in the toilet & dont come out till everybody is gone.. What if i break the keyboard on my boss's head…)
6. When you open your inbox, you wish that none of your friends/foes/classmates send you a 'Guess what.. I got a Promotion /New Job/ Onsite-Chance / VC Funding' mail.
Still 'No'?.. Man.. You are a tough cookie.. Or entreprenuer / artist / free-lancer / unemployed…aint ya?.. Ok.. Still one more qn: to go..
7. You wish you could do something 'more meaningful' with life.
Ha.. Gotcha.. Now grab a coffee, sit-down & let it out. It's ok. You are not alone. It is just the Career menopause. You feel you are completely clueless. In college one thinks that once one passes out, gets a job, gets some rave performance feedbacks.. It would all magically fall into place & your raison d'etre would somehow appear infront of you. It didn't happen. You took a post-grad / changed company and then thought 'aha..'.. But then, it is not quite completely there. Is it?
You know what you gotta do to get that promotion.. Or to get that onsite opportunity.. To get that increment.. But is it really what you want. How do you explain that little nagging feeling of confusion.. Of anxiety & maybe a bit of trepidition that you face? You keep thinking that your next milestone would hold the answer to all these questions. The next milestone could be a new job, a promotion, a role change, new location, or better financial security to just follow your heart's silly song.
So how do you get outta this rut? How do you ascertain if the grass is indeed greener on the otherside..or not? Well, like the typical consultant that i am, i would only hear your problems, look at your watch & tell you the time it shows…& maybe throw in some matrices as well. So here goes my matrix..
Well.. i am truly sorry that apart from putting in a stupid matrix, i cant really do more about this menopausal hitting of wall syndrome & symptoms some ,or rather, most of us show... Perhaps we could take comfort in the fact that it affects the best, mediocre & the worst amongst us.. misery does love company, doesnt it?
So the next time when you hear a friend or a colleague talking about his/her promotion or job-enlargement.. or wistfully about their childhood dream job.. you know what it is plagueing them..Just whisper to yourself CMP CMP CMP..and all would be fine for the day. And no, hitting your boss with the keyboard or hiding in the bathroom is not the answer...(although the hitting could help in releasing pent-up emotions!)...
Thursday, February 04, 2010
BBC list of books
Gomu (of noughtscapes) had put this up in her facebook notes... I used to be an avid reader who somehow lost steam when something called life happened.. Thought would see how i'd fare..
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (x)
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (x)
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte (x)
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (x)
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible (x)
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (x)
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (x)
7/10
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott (x)
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (x)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier (x)
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
3/10
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell (x)
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy (x)
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (x)
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll (x)
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
4/10
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy (x)
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens (x)
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma-Jane Austen (x)
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen (x)
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein (x)
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden (x)
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
6/10
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (x)
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (x)
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins (x)
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy (x)
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan (x)
5/10
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert (x)
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen (x)
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth (x)
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens (x)
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon (x)
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (x)
6/10
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov (x)
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas (x)
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding (x)
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie (x)
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville (x)
5/10
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (x)
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker (x)
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (x)
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce (x)
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackery
5/10
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens (x)
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (x)
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton (x)
3/10
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas (x)
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare (x)
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl (x)
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo (x)
4/10
a total of 48/100...hmm..just-pass i guess.
Feel free to consider urself tagged!!
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (x)
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (x)
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte (x)
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (x)
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible (x)
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (x)
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (x)
7/10
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott (x)
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (x)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier (x)
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
3/10
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell (x)
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy (x)
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (x)
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll (x)
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
4/10
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy (x)
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens (x)
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma-Jane Austen (x)
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen (x)
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein (x)
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden (x)
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
6/10
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (x)
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (x)
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins (x)
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy (x)
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan (x)
5/10
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert (x)
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen (x)
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth (x)
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens (x)
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon (x)
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (x)
6/10
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov (x)
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas (x)
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding (x)
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie (x)
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville (x)
5/10
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (x)
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker (x)
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (x)
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce (x)
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackery
5/10
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens (x)
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (x)
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton (x)
3/10
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas (x)
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare (x)
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl (x)
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo (x)
4/10
a total of 48/100...hmm..just-pass i guess.
Feel free to consider urself tagged!!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Meat of the matter
i discriminate & am prejudiced. No.. these are not character traits that i would like to flaunt, but I do it nonetheless..especially if the case on the table is meat. Yes, the type you eat...or in my case, the type i dont.
For the first 22 years of my life, i've been a very modest meat eater. Unlike many non-vegetarians, i liked veggies better.. no kidding. Back home in Kerala, growing up we used to have fish everyday - curried mostly and at times fried. (All that omega 3 explains how mallu girls have better hair!!) Fresh sea-water fish brought to the door steps on a cycle. The fish-monger would have a typical 'pooooi' sound he makes...and my mom could, by the energy & enthu in his 'poooi' make out if he had a good catch for the day. His salesmanship depended on the credibility of the prices he quoted..not for the current offering, but about the price our next-door neighbour paid for the same fish.
On top of it there were the weekly grocery shopping trips to the bigger local markets. Here one could get the big ones & the special ones. As any true blue mallu or bong man would tell you.. spotting & bargaining for the catch of the day is an art and science in itself. A mallu guy comes of age when he can go in and come out with a reasonably good catch without being fleeced..or worse, manhandled. I stopped accompanying my dad after a few such trips.. i couldnt stand the smell and the incessant haggling. A pity, i now realize.. i could have got a tip or two on the art of persuasion from the fish-monger/ress.
Sunday was also the day we bought chicken. Almost always chicken and once in 2-3 months,beef as well. This again used to be a chore in itself. There were no supermarkets where u go in and just dump the breast-slices only/curry pieces only/drumsticks only into ur shopping cart. A tried-and-tested poultry shop it had to be. You go in, take a coupon or stand in the queue.. state your requirement - how many kg / dressed-or-not / curry-cut-or-whole.
The guy at the counter would take a hen or cock which comes near to your required weight (adjusting for the feathers and other non-requisites), hold it by the neck and take it to the room out on the back side of the counter to give it the inevitable. It always did make me wonder that 'dressing' a chicken is infact..undressing it.. Back home, the pieces are kept in a special dish (used only for this purpose) and the usual complaints from mom about how the pieces have been cut too small, or too big, or the hen being too old etc. are heard and dismissed. She would then proceed to make a chicken dish from that bookmarked recipe in the latest 'Vanitha' women's magazine.
One anamoly of kerala is that even with a majority of hindu population, there was no stigma attached with the consumption of beef. Sure..sure..cows are godly creatures and all that..but beef roast syrian christian style is just divine. Most hindus here eat non-veg, of which, a good chunk eat beef as well. so there!!
it would be pretty accurate to say that my gastronamic adventures stopped there. Chicken, fish and beef..that's all the non-veg that've had for the major part of my life. And later, i was to find it better stay so.
First time i had turkey, i ended up in the hospital for 2 days with an IV up my vein. This was in Pune and for Easter. Second time - 2 years later, i had turkey, i ended up in a clinic this time tearing a magazine into shreds and pinching my friend's arm in pain. This was Chennai and on new year's eve. I got the message : never did try anything other than what i've always had till about 3 months back.
And then i came to Germany, land of pork & pork eaters!!!...where it starts with a weißwurst (white sausage) for breakfast, speck(bacon) for lunch, schinken (ham) for tid-bit snacks & schweinesteak (pork steak) for dinner. Then there are turkey, rabbit, deer, beef..and the rare chicken. It also did not help that germans liked their meat tender and juicy and wanted to taste the meat what they were eating. A far cry from our indian cooking stlye where we camouflage the taste of meat with triple the quantity of spices.
When in rome, do as romans do?? not really..if i could translate the menu, chances are high that i wont be eating it. Ignorance is indeed a bliss for me. I now discriminate against meat based on the appearance rather than the origin. So much for my decades of steadfastedness ... maybe my limited forays were rather due to lack of opportunity rather than any real show of character.
I believe this was the point when hubbs used the word 'hypocrite' when i wriggled my nose at his pork-vindaloo, but gorged on Maultaschen. You see, my palate doesn't recognise my prejudices.
For the first 22 years of my life, i've been a very modest meat eater. Unlike many non-vegetarians, i liked veggies better.. no kidding. Back home in Kerala, growing up we used to have fish everyday - curried mostly and at times fried. (All that omega 3 explains how mallu girls have better hair!!) Fresh sea-water fish brought to the door steps on a cycle. The fish-monger would have a typical 'pooooi' sound he makes...and my mom could, by the energy & enthu in his 'poooi' make out if he had a good catch for the day. His salesmanship depended on the credibility of the prices he quoted..not for the current offering, but about the price our next-door neighbour paid for the same fish.
On top of it there were the weekly grocery shopping trips to the bigger local markets. Here one could get the big ones & the special ones. As any true blue mallu or bong man would tell you.. spotting & bargaining for the catch of the day is an art and science in itself. A mallu guy comes of age when he can go in and come out with a reasonably good catch without being fleeced..or worse, manhandled. I stopped accompanying my dad after a few such trips.. i couldnt stand the smell and the incessant haggling. A pity, i now realize.. i could have got a tip or two on the art of persuasion from the fish-monger/ress.
Sunday was also the day we bought chicken. Almost always chicken and once in 2-3 months,beef as well. This again used to be a chore in itself. There were no supermarkets where u go in and just dump the breast-slices only/curry pieces only/drumsticks only into ur shopping cart. A tried-and-tested poultry shop it had to be. You go in, take a coupon or stand in the queue.. state your requirement - how many kg / dressed-or-not / curry-cut-or-whole.
The guy at the counter would take a hen or cock which comes near to your required weight (adjusting for the feathers and other non-requisites), hold it by the neck and take it to the room out on the back side of the counter to give it the inevitable. It always did make me wonder that 'dressing' a chicken is infact..undressing it.. Back home, the pieces are kept in a special dish (used only for this purpose) and the usual complaints from mom about how the pieces have been cut too small, or too big, or the hen being too old etc. are heard and dismissed. She would then proceed to make a chicken dish from that bookmarked recipe in the latest 'Vanitha' women's magazine.
One anamoly of kerala is that even with a majority of hindu population, there was no stigma attached with the consumption of beef. Sure..sure..cows are godly creatures and all that..but beef roast syrian christian style is just divine. Most hindus here eat non-veg, of which, a good chunk eat beef as well. so there!!
it would be pretty accurate to say that my gastronamic adventures stopped there. Chicken, fish and beef..that's all the non-veg that've had for the major part of my life. And later, i was to find it better stay so.
First time i had turkey, i ended up in the hospital for 2 days with an IV up my vein. This was in Pune and for Easter. Second time - 2 years later, i had turkey, i ended up in a clinic this time tearing a magazine into shreds and pinching my friend's arm in pain. This was Chennai and on new year's eve. I got the message : never did try anything other than what i've always had till about 3 months back.
And then i came to Germany, land of pork & pork eaters!!!...where it starts with a weißwurst (white sausage) for breakfast, speck(bacon) for lunch, schinken (ham) for tid-bit snacks & schweinesteak (pork steak) for dinner. Then there are turkey, rabbit, deer, beef..and the rare chicken. It also did not help that germans liked their meat tender and juicy and wanted to taste the meat what they were eating. A far cry from our indian cooking stlye where we camouflage the taste of meat with triple the quantity of spices.
When in rome, do as romans do?? not really..if i could translate the menu, chances are high that i wont be eating it. Ignorance is indeed a bliss for me. I now discriminate against meat based on the appearance rather than the origin. So much for my decades of steadfastedness ... maybe my limited forays were rather due to lack of opportunity rather than any real show of character.
I believe this was the point when hubbs used the word 'hypocrite' when i wriggled my nose at his pork-vindaloo, but gorged on Maultaschen. You see, my palate doesn't recognise my prejudices.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Finally the apple hits the head
Two of the basic things which the creator of a business report..or any report for the business..be it sales, turnover, new product feasibility blah..blah.. needs to understand are
1. who reads it?
2. what is it used for?
These 2 questions, i have always used ..repeatedly , when i am given a certain task. Or when i am asked to make a presentation. Or when asked to make a report on something which is already done & dead..or something i want to do. And it is but a pity that i never did ask that question to self when i have been picking at my blog on and off for more than 4 yrs or so..
Countless times i have promised self and the readers (2 is good enuf to use plural form of noun) that i would post more frequently..more wittily..and all that. And i knew that this is a promise that i would be soon breaking. I knew that i would get a constipated keyboard soon enough.. or my the seed of thought in my head would remain forever embryonic - never developing a head and proportionate limbs to tell its story in a logical sense.
So ..back to the question.. who reads this blog? some friends who know about it..and some others who stumble across it..and maybe come back later..And myself.. i read the archived items to see what was in my head then.. how i felt & thought & fumed & laughed.
And what do they read this for?? Obviously not for intellectual enlightment.. nor are the pulitzer / booker prize committee scouting for budding but obscure talent who are tapping away their keyboards at blogger.com. Penguin editors who might be reading this would have stopped at the second word... so what is it finally that my senseless blabbering provide for those who read them. It's pure unadulterated time-pass. Mind you, not entertainment... for that you need to engage the viewer. Time-pass is mindless & non-value adding. Time-pass needn't have a story line, a start, a body or an ending..let alone the anti-climax! I dont have to fret myself to death thinking of a witty line or the perfect ending..or even an appealing caption. All these are as consequential to the reader as the sport page news is to me..
And i forgot the most important thing.. this is and should be my space. I should be writing down anything that i feel like..without worrying abt how the comment pop-up would look like some weeks down.
Empowered by such thoughts and my typical reckless abandon... this blog is taking its first step in a new direction. .. the course, even i am not sure of.. Perhaps, dear reader, you would come back to see for yourself.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Letter to my teenage self
I heard/read this title somewhere..and it stuck. It was blog-worthy. after throwing away whatever thread of central idea which came my way for months, it was time i did listen to this before i forget how to write at all..
so here goes..
Dear Mottu,
You are 18, and just joined engineering college. You care 2 hoots about electrical engineering.. infact, you just wanted to be in that college. And now that you are in, you are wondering what the big deal was all about. How wrong are you gonna be...oh..i am not supposed to say that..yet.
I know how you claim to not like surprises..but wish how the pleasant ones were infact kept hidden till the last moment. I will not tell you how things will turn out.. there are some things you must experience and learn. I will not take it away from you.
But what i will do is.. i will probably give you some pointers.. you may take them with your typical dismissive roll-of-eyes or not.
Firstly, stop obsessing about your weight..and weighing yourself every 3 hours. You are never going to be as thin as you are now. I know this information is depressing. But atleast, for the next 4 years, you could try and feel more confident about how you look.
And yes, by some grace of god you missed the pimple/zits/problem-skin phase in your teenage years. Many of your friends wondered how your hair was always soft, voluminous & non-fuzzy. All this will change. Enjoy it while it last.
I wish you had not thrown away your pencil sketches..or your attempts at writing short stories & poems. It may have sounded silly to you then.. but now, you cant draw/write half as well. Another depressing thought..
Ok...let me give you some good news.. Those nights when you couldnt sleep coz you were worried sick about your mom's health.. well, it's gonna be alright. She will not be perfectly healthy again. But she will be around. Infact, it gets even better..dad will take a job closer home and will be around full time...which means that you dont have to feel like the man of the house coz he is not around everyday.
Your younger sister has gone some 300 km away to study. And you see her every fortnight or so. Which you think now is good, coz the frequency of fights have come down dramatically and you don't have to share the 1 hr per day internet time. Here i would like to stress on something.. Not everybody is you.. Just becoz you wanted to be left alone during your teenage years, doesn't mean that she wants it too. Talk to her.. be there.. she misses it. You will not know this now. And by the time you realise that all that she wanted was you to reach out to her, and tell her that she is being missed, you'd kick yourself for being such an ass all these years.
Do not fight with your mom so much. You do have a thing for sounding out statements for effect without realising it's impact. She is not trying to live your life for you...she is just concerned. Listen to your dad when he asks you to read newspapers & listen to evening-news. Your aversion to politics & sports is never gonna change.. but be aware of what is happening around you. Tell your parents that you love them..once in a while.
I know mom says you spend too much time on phone with friends. its ok. some of them are the ones you'd cherish for life. Even now, you'd have them as your sounding board and sympathetic ear, no matter wherever they are across the world. You think that 'falling-in-love' is for losers and all that. It will change. But please..please..listen to yourself when you do start feeling 'something's not right here'... realize that the reason you are feeling something is amiss...is coz something is amiss..
Do not get too stressed because your goal isnt that clear yet. You sound very confident, but i know you are completely clueless. It's no use worrying...you wouldn't know it..hell, i am not sure even now. But it will work out fine.
Rethink on your i-will-be-wedded-to-my-career tagline. But anyways, no hurry. you have enough time for that. For now, you can focus on getting a job/passing out. That said, have fun while you can. Dance as much as you want... you'd never get this opportunity again.
10 years is not much time for me to know what you did wrong then and what i am doing right now. maybe a 10 more years later, some of these tips would take a paradigm shift... who knows!
all i want you to know before signing out is.. it's ok.. it'll all work out fine. you'll (with some help from friends/family) sail through it all. for now, it's your time in the sun. make most of it. maybe i'll write later...
with love,
me.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Some Rakhi (the non-Sawant variety) thoughts
"Happy Rakhi Sawant, brother darling!!!"..i crooned into the mobile phone..
"where?? where??" my brother excited-ly asks..
"not rakhi sawant, i just wanted to wish you 'happy rakhi'. thought i'd make your day and say 'rakhi sawant'.."
"shey!! i almost dropped the baby- was changing the nappy. dont give an old man too much of excitement".
we chit-chat for a few more minutes and then hang-up. It's ironic ..really!! Growing up, i wanted to tie the string around his neck very very very tight rather than around the wrist. Now whenever someone asks about my bro/sis.. i speak with warm fondness. One becomes mellow with age and lose the fangs!
I dont have a biological brother per say - only a younger sister. But my aunts and uncles more or less compensated that void for me by giving me truckload of cousins. While my female cousins (someone told me that cousin-sister / cousin-brother is a wrong usage) where the subdued variety who'd give their toys to me without a murmur, make my favorite dishes when i am staying with them during summer vacations, and narrate bed-time stories over and over again until i snore away at nite ... their male counterparts kept the law of averages.
I am not joking when i say that some of their actions have resulted in life-long humiliation for me. For example, my name.. No, not Keerthy.. none of my relatives even know that name. They know me by my pet-name - which was actually a nick name one of my bros decided on one fine day. The name stuck like a bad habit. My parents started using it... publicly!! Just imagine my shame and horror when i have friends visiting my home & my dad calls out "Mottuuuu... ur friends are here"...i die a thousand deaths.
My brothers enthusiastically welcomed the idea of having a new victim to play their sadistic pranks on during the holidays. Every year they learnt new tricks and swear words in school and i was their favorite guinea-pig. If ever my parents thought that growing up in a city would make me even a bit street-smart, those illusions were completed misplaced by how completely naive i was to the a-new-prank-every-hour strategy my 3 Big Bros (BB) played on me.
For years, i said "No Thanks" to cream biscuits. Ask me why?? Coz they have monster-poop in between them. Really! The brown ones are the mud-monster ; the ones that eat worms and your nose squiggies..The ones who eat monster poop becomes vulnerable to attack whenever they walk barefoot on ground. BB, such a daring young fellow.. protects me from those monsters and takes my share of biscuits. So gallant of him, no?
Then there are the "Frooty" tetrapacks! Breeding grounds of insects. But those would just crawl out through your tummy the next day - the Fanta/Pepsi/Cola ones are the worst. They try coming out through your nose. On innumerable occasions, i have sought BB's help in killing the nose insects. They say the strategy is simple - but very painful, only a pro should attempt it. BB drinks up the cola at one go.. And close his mouth and nose by hand. You see ! he is suffocating the worms that is trying to come up through his nose. Die you fiend...die!!!
Then there were the games - did you know that the most important role in the world Badminton Cup is that of the person who picks up the shuttle-cock which falls out of the court? I had that privilege every single time :D ... or that the person running after 'out of boundary' balls in cricket get the 'child-of-match' award? Such neat things i learn..
Freshly grated coconut give you mustaches, Jam >1 spoon per day gave you squint eyes, kicking your elder brother's shin results in a lost tooth (this was proved correct!)...so on..and so forth.
Once they passed outta school, i got a promotion from being a guinea-pig to being an accomplice. Now they needed me to do copy the Record book in neat cursive writing, to call up girlfriends ("hellooo Uncle!! Anjali there?? this is Meena.. her class-mate"), to whisk away couple of fried chicken pieces from kitchen before the lunch/dinner, etc..etc..
Then one fine day ... they got jobs elsewhere in the country and out of it and went away.. We still kept meeting once in a while - during someone's marriage or similar.. I still got ridiculed for my clothes, BMI, hair-cuts etc. during those meetings. But the edge wasnt there.. It was more of a small-talk than full-hearted put-downs i was used to and was looking forward to. Then, they got married and had kids -- i tried avenging the wrongs done to me and tried choosing the names for my nephews and nieces. But then, i couldnt find anything much degrading so settled for the almost normal .. Amey Shivshankar, Navneeth etc. I got married and they grudgingly admitted that i am indeed no more the little girl who used to tail them all the time. Though, it would have been great if i had a stunted growth.
I am sure that history would repeat itself. My kids would in all probability suffer all that i did from my brothers' kids. They would hate each other during the growing up years..but then..in the end..they would wish badly that they could turn the clock back to those years..as i do now.
"where?? where??" my brother excited-ly asks..
"not rakhi sawant, i just wanted to wish you 'happy rakhi'. thought i'd make your day and say 'rakhi sawant'.."
"shey!! i almost dropped the baby- was changing the nappy. dont give an old man too much of excitement".
we chit-chat for a few more minutes and then hang-up. It's ironic ..really!! Growing up, i wanted to tie the string around his neck very very very tight rather than around the wrist. Now whenever someone asks about my bro/sis.. i speak with warm fondness. One becomes mellow with age and lose the fangs!
I dont have a biological brother per say - only a younger sister. But my aunts and uncles more or less compensated that void for me by giving me truckload of cousins. While my female cousins (someone told me that cousin-sister / cousin-brother is a wrong usage) where the subdued variety who'd give their toys to me without a murmur, make my favorite dishes when i am staying with them during summer vacations, and narrate bed-time stories over and over again until i snore away at nite ... their male counterparts kept the law of averages.
I am not joking when i say that some of their actions have resulted in life-long humiliation for me. For example, my name.. No, not Keerthy.. none of my relatives even know that name. They know me by my pet-name - which was actually a nick name one of my bros decided on one fine day. The name stuck like a bad habit. My parents started using it... publicly!! Just imagine my shame and horror when i have friends visiting my home & my dad calls out "Mottuuuu... ur friends are here"...i die a thousand deaths.
My brothers enthusiastically welcomed the idea of having a new victim to play their sadistic pranks on during the holidays. Every year they learnt new tricks and swear words in school and i was their favorite guinea-pig. If ever my parents thought that growing up in a city would make me even a bit street-smart, those illusions were completed misplaced by how completely naive i was to the a-new-prank-every-hour strategy my 3 Big Bros (BB) played on me.
For years, i said "No Thanks" to cream biscuits. Ask me why?? Coz they have monster-poop in between them. Really! The brown ones are the mud-monster ; the ones that eat worms and your nose squiggies..The ones who eat monster poop becomes vulnerable to attack whenever they walk barefoot on ground. BB, such a daring young fellow.. protects me from those monsters and takes my share of biscuits. So gallant of him, no?
Then there are the "Frooty" tetrapacks! Breeding grounds of insects. But those would just crawl out through your tummy the next day - the Fanta/Pepsi/Cola ones are the worst. They try coming out through your nose. On innumerable occasions, i have sought BB's help in killing the nose insects. They say the strategy is simple - but very painful, only a pro should attempt it. BB drinks up the cola at one go.. And close his mouth and nose by hand. You see ! he is suffocating the worms that is trying to come up through his nose. Die you fiend...die!!!
Then there were the games - did you know that the most important role in the world Badminton Cup is that of the person who picks up the shuttle-cock which falls out of the court? I had that privilege every single time :D ... or that the person running after 'out of boundary' balls in cricket get the 'child-of-match' award? Such neat things i learn..
Freshly grated coconut give you mustaches, Jam >1 spoon per day gave you squint eyes, kicking your elder brother's shin results in a lost tooth (this was proved correct!)...so on..and so forth.
Once they passed outta school, i got a promotion from being a guinea-pig to being an accomplice. Now they needed me to do copy the Record book in neat cursive writing, to call up girlfriends ("hellooo Uncle!! Anjali there?? this is Meena.. her class-mate"), to whisk away couple of fried chicken pieces from kitchen before the lunch/dinner, etc..etc..
Then one fine day ... they got jobs elsewhere in the country and out of it and went away.. We still kept meeting once in a while - during someone's marriage or similar.. I still got ridiculed for my clothes, BMI, hair-cuts etc. during those meetings. But the edge wasnt there.. It was more of a small-talk than full-hearted put-downs i was used to and was looking forward to. Then, they got married and had kids -- i tried avenging the wrongs done to me and tried choosing the names for my nephews and nieces. But then, i couldnt find anything much degrading so settled for the almost normal .. Amey Shivshankar, Navneeth etc. I got married and they grudgingly admitted that i am indeed no more the little girl who used to tail them all the time. Though, it would have been great if i had a stunted growth.
I am sure that history would repeat itself. My kids would in all probability suffer all that i did from my brothers' kids. They would hate each other during the growing up years..but then..in the end..they would wish badly that they could turn the clock back to those years..as i do now.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Show me the money!!!
Very recently, a well know actress in Mollywood (malayalam film industry, macha...!!) consulted her lawyer to file a divorce case against her husband of 6 months. That became the flash news in all Malayalam channels - experts/friends/lawyers called in to give their opinion. Serious (or seemingly) newspapers had the front page heading announcing this snippet the next day! why, why, why??? Isn't privacy a right anymore?
it kinda always surprises ...no..not surprises, but amuses me that some people go to any extent to have money..or fame...even 15 mins of it. and most people like to see that on prime time tv.
Yes, i am indeed talking about the new breed of reality shows that is being aired by almost every general entertainment channel nowadays. Game shows - well..almost all are games right?? in a way or the other.
the other day, i caught an episode of 'Rakhi Sawant ka Swayamvar' on TV. Great!! now marriage is a game - a prize to be won & several contestants trying to better each other for the coveted crown. Slightly interesting to note that most of the contestants had some inclination/aspiration towards the glamor world. Is Rakhi trying to get her share of publicity or is the prospective-groom/winner getting his 'ticket to Hollywood'? Seems like a win-win situation for all involved - Rakhi, the winner & the producer of the show.
The part i liked the most was when one of the contenders when he was asked by Ms. Sawant on why he is being so introverted and reticent all the time replied that "i have a lot of stuff to tell you..lotsa things.. (this by the way seems to be the most oft repeated dialogue in the show).. but when i see people watching me.. i cant speak. i am a very private person"...heeeehahahhahahaha.. well, he did proceed to extol his virtues and his intentions in the next 5 mins - just 2-3 millions watching. no biggie !
Another thing about the movie i find really amusing is how Ms. Sawant lowers her fake eyelashes and looks oh-so-coy whenever interacting with husband(s)-to-be. Maybe it is a very obvious hint for a Mr. Johar to sign her up for his next 'filled with family values yet has modern outlook, shot in snow-capped resorts or skyscrapered city' movie
Then there was this "Moment of truth" or rather its indian counterpart "Sach ka Saamna"... Here, apart from publicly humiliating yourself, you could also break your parents' hearts, wreak your marriage and alienate your kids...all for what? for Rs. 10 million. You could at any point of time refuse to play more and leave with all that you have won(?). But why do that? Play on.. a few more heart-breaking, life-wreaking revelations never hurt any one, has it?? Even if it has, am sure it's not as big as anything that could not be mended by 10 million bucks. Or even better, haven't told your wife that you cheated on her?? or to your parents that you'd never forgive them for not buying you that pista ice-cream when you were 5? ..here is your golden chance.
Then there was the MTV / Channel V shows - Roadies, Get Gorgeous, Teen Diva.. more and more..
Why do people - people like you and me and the general public want to see these shows? and more importantly why do we want to see the very personal and most embarrassing moments in other people's life? We hear about couples announcing their divorce on tv - explaining why they are doing it. Contestants rating other co-contestants - voting them out, speaking candidly and often very brutally about what's wrong with them... What if that person who is being verbally thrashed and singled out is someone we know or someone we care about.
We could always say that "nobody forced them to be in the show...if they don't mind sharing, why shouldn't we see?".. Long live free press/media & mediocrity.
it kinda always surprises ...no..not surprises, but amuses me that some people go to any extent to have money..or fame...even 15 mins of it. and most people like to see that on prime time tv.
Yes, i am indeed talking about the new breed of reality shows that is being aired by almost every general entertainment channel nowadays. Game shows - well..almost all are games right?? in a way or the other.
the other day, i caught an episode of 'Rakhi Sawant ka Swayamvar' on TV. Great!! now marriage is a game - a prize to be won & several contestants trying to better each other for the coveted crown. Slightly interesting to note that most of the contestants had some inclination/aspiration towards the glamor world. Is Rakhi trying to get her share of publicity or is the prospective-groom/winner getting his 'ticket to Hollywood'? Seems like a win-win situation for all involved - Rakhi, the winner & the producer of the show.
The part i liked the most was when one of the contenders when he was asked by Ms. Sawant on why he is being so introverted and reticent all the time replied that "i have a lot of stuff to tell you..lotsa things.. (this by the way seems to be the most oft repeated dialogue in the show).. but when i see people watching me.. i cant speak. i am a very private person"...heeeehahahhahahaha.. well, he did proceed to extol his virtues and his intentions in the next 5 mins - just 2-3 millions watching. no biggie !
Another thing about the movie i find really amusing is how Ms. Sawant lowers her fake eyelashes and looks oh-so-coy whenever interacting with husband(s)-to-be. Maybe it is a very obvious hint for a Mr. Johar to sign her up for his next 'filled with family values yet has modern outlook, shot in snow-capped resorts or skyscrapered city' movie
Then there was this "Moment of truth" or rather its indian counterpart "Sach ka Saamna"... Here, apart from publicly humiliating yourself, you could also break your parents' hearts, wreak your marriage and alienate your kids...all for what? for Rs. 10 million. You could at any point of time refuse to play more and leave with all that you have won(?). But why do that? Play on.. a few more heart-breaking, life-wreaking revelations never hurt any one, has it?? Even if it has, am sure it's not as big as anything that could not be mended by 10 million bucks. Or even better, haven't told your wife that you cheated on her?? or to your parents that you'd never forgive them for not buying you that pista ice-cream when you were 5? ..here is your golden chance.
Then there was the MTV / Channel V shows - Roadies, Get Gorgeous, Teen Diva.. more and more..
Why do people - people like you and me and the general public want to see these shows? and more importantly why do we want to see the very personal and most embarrassing moments in other people's life? We hear about couples announcing their divorce on tv - explaining why they are doing it. Contestants rating other co-contestants - voting them out, speaking candidly and often very brutally about what's wrong with them... What if that person who is being verbally thrashed and singled out is someone we know or someone we care about.
We could always say that "nobody forced them to be in the show...if they don't mind sharing, why shouldn't we see?".. Long live free press/media & mediocrity.
Monday, June 01, 2009
Life's like a box of Chocolates...
I don't trust people who say they don't like chocolate.. yeah! like you are done breathing oxygen now..and wanna try something else.. or maybe walking on 2 foot doesn't give you the kicks. i believe they had a rather uninteresting childhood and got their bearings completely wrong.. how can someone not like little pieces of heaven in your mouth?? how..how?? howhowhwhwowowowo??
i've been a chocoholic all my life..and i frankly dont see that changing anytime in the near future as well.Coming to think of it..it's kinda funny that an inanimate object could actually be of so much significance in your life.. Believe me when i say that i learnt life's lessons or made my important decision armed with a choc in hand.
the first thing i ever made was a chocolate milk shake.. that one was straight enough.. u put in milk - cold/hot/lukewarm.. n scoop in 4 table spoons of chocolate powder in it..add sugar if mom is not in kitchen.. stir like crazy..gulp it down..sllluuuurrrrpppppp...
After numerous attempts at making chappatis that looked like exploded view of Africa, srilanka and mutilated donuts.. my mom was quite happy that i could do anything edible at all.. But her happiness was shortlived ...dozens of Cadbury cocoa powder tins started lining the kitchen cabinet. Choco-milkshake became my staple diet. One choco to go with idli, with rice..just before school, back from school, before tuitions.. u get the picture.. Faced with the prospect of refurbishing my entire wardrobe to accommodate my burgeoning waist line, i was asked for a forced resignation from the habit.
But there were still birthdays, family friends coming over & i-stood-first-in-class which could not be avoided. Come to think of it, it is very probable that my above average marks in school was just one of my means to get to guilt-free/ share-free / parental-approved chocolate.
In my teens, i became very picky.. i completely eschewed milk chocolate..what a misnomer, i say!. I got a inclination towards the darker and bitter variety. This actually served me well..not many around me liked the bitter ones..and i got to have them all without bothering about the heartbreaking task of sharing one's chocolates.. and unlike the sweet ones, a little piece of the bitter one goes a long way..
so why do i love them?...not just me, why do most normal, sane people love them? the only theory that i can think up of is... those little dark darlings reminds one of their own childhood....of eating things which tasted good and caring two hoots for their calorific & nutritional values. yes, ofcoz.. u eventually grow up and then get into the rut of adequate servings of vegetables, fibre-rich fruits.. not so much fat..smaller portion sizes..frequent small meals... no red-meat, no fried stuff..and more such self imposed rules to the most satisfying activity in life.
i would be lying through the teeth if i say that i do not think of calories when i buy that thick slab of extra dark belgian chocolate. i mentally calculate the no: of times i should say no to other sweet / fried treats to compensate for my indulgence when i tear off the wrapper and break a big piece outta the slab. but the moment i bite into the rich, creamy, dark, aromatic bit..and let it dissolve in my mouth..i close my eyes and i am back to being a 3 year old..getting her big Dairy Milk Chocolate bar for getting her alphabets right.. The rest of the worries can wait.
i've been a chocoholic all my life..and i frankly dont see that changing anytime in the near future as well.Coming to think of it..it's kinda funny that an inanimate object could actually be of so much significance in your life.. Believe me when i say that i learnt life's lessons or made my important decision armed with a choc in hand.
the first thing i ever made was a chocolate milk shake.. that one was straight enough.. u put in milk - cold/hot/lukewarm.. n scoop in 4 table spoons of chocolate powder in it..add sugar if mom is not in kitchen.. stir like crazy..gulp it down..sllluuuurrrrpppppp...
After numerous attempts at making chappatis that looked like exploded view of Africa, srilanka and mutilated donuts.. my mom was quite happy that i could do anything edible at all.. But her happiness was shortlived ...dozens of Cadbury cocoa powder tins started lining the kitchen cabinet. Choco-milkshake became my staple diet. One choco to go with idli, with rice..just before school, back from school, before tuitions.. u get the picture.. Faced with the prospect of refurbishing my entire wardrobe to accommodate my burgeoning waist line, i was asked for a forced resignation from the habit.
But there were still birthdays, family friends coming over & i-stood-first-in-class which could not be avoided. Come to think of it, it is very probable that my above average marks in school was just one of my means to get to guilt-free/ share-free / parental-approved chocolate.
In my teens, i became very picky.. i completely eschewed milk chocolate..what a misnomer, i say!. I got a inclination towards the darker and bitter variety. This actually served me well..not many around me liked the bitter ones..and i got to have them all without bothering about the heartbreaking task of sharing one's chocolates.. and unlike the sweet ones, a little piece of the bitter one goes a long way..
so why do i love them?...not just me, why do most normal, sane people love them? the only theory that i can think up of is... those little dark darlings reminds one of their own childhood....of eating things which tasted good and caring two hoots for their calorific & nutritional values. yes, ofcoz.. u eventually grow up and then get into the rut of adequate servings of vegetables, fibre-rich fruits.. not so much fat..smaller portion sizes..frequent small meals... no red-meat, no fried stuff..and more such self imposed rules to the most satisfying activity in life.
i would be lying through the teeth if i say that i do not think of calories when i buy that thick slab of extra dark belgian chocolate. i mentally calculate the no: of times i should say no to other sweet / fried treats to compensate for my indulgence when i tear off the wrapper and break a big piece outta the slab. but the moment i bite into the rich, creamy, dark, aromatic bit..and let it dissolve in my mouth..i close my eyes and i am back to being a 3 year old..getting her big Dairy Milk Chocolate bar for getting her alphabets right.. The rest of the worries can wait.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Statistics be Damned..
A finance professor of mine told the class once that the worst way to start a day is by reading the daily paper.He says 'You wake up, all charged up, sing a 80's song about sunshine & new-starts, plop down in your fav chair, grab that cuppa and whiff at the tantalizing rich aroma of coffee and full cream, take a sip and then you spoil it all.. you open the paper. The first thing you see .. murder, rape, kidnap, turmoil, earthquake, bears running loose in stock market..Now is this what you want to read first thing in the morning?? Save your newspapers for afternoons, when you are in office and feels like having a siesta.. Nightmares..errr..daymares guaranteed. '
Bad thing about me is that.. i dont follow advice until i am once bitten. It was true as a 4 year old when my mom asked me not to play with matchsticks... and this queer character flaw stays put till now too..No, not playing with matchsticks..the not-listening to the 'experienced' thing.
But then again.. this 'reading paper in morning' is not much of a problem with the kind of papers that i subscribe to. Economic Times & Business Line are hardly the ones the people would expect to find accidents & kidnaps detailed in all its goriness & grotesque. Nor does it treat 'Sanjay Dutt can now legally marry' as a subject of national importance and put it up in the front page with a 4x6 pic of a beaming Mr. Dutt like TOI does.
But then lightning struck. I was chewing on the toast and skimming the paper i glanced at the article on the front page - 'Divorce rates on the rise among couples in Metros'... the article further explained that last year saw a growth of about 50% in the divorce rates..specially for couples living in the tier -I cities of India. Irregular work timings, increase in the number of women in work force, nuclear families, growing financial independence amongst 20yr olds...etc..etc.. these were just some of the reason.
The toast stuck. Hardly three month into marriage, would we fall prey to the statistics??? A shiver run down my spine.. A fast-forward of Sex & the City & Bridjet Jones' Diary snapshots run thru my mind. Not that they are divorced.. but they are alone..and pushing 30. Damn.
On way to office in a rickety auto-rickshaw, i hear the over-enthused RJ giving bored listeners tips to make the upcoming Valentine's day all the more exciting..well..to make up for the dull n dreary economy if nothing else... Tips were as cheap as Big Bazaar prices really... Stuff like put hand-written cards n hide them where your friends/family/foe is least likely to find it... or ..plan and make a special dish and surprise your loved ones for dinner instead of the usual dal-roti or whatever... or send a small gift via courier or someone to the recipient's office instead of home address. That sure would boost the GDP, I snickered .. But hey, probably i can use that... and then write a book on how not to be in the divorcing metro couple list...or atleast a blog.. hmmm.. fantabulous idea.
cards.. cards.. hand written??? i imagined writing sweet-nothings in a post-it and sticking it to my hubby's wallet..But then i was never good at writing..(well, you should know that by now).. and these sweet nothings..hmm.. how would i dream that up??? well, guess i can just try translate some Hollywood love songs. Googled up for the hit love songs in hindi cinema.. and got these..
"Masakali..masakali..."(googled for meaning of masakali and found it was a white pigeon).. huh.. would he take it as a stool pigeon?? pigeon is hardly the word for your spouse..
"Tera emotional atyachar..." ..well..hmm.. i guess i should try other methods...
Home made meal?? yeah!!! i can do that.. i can cook...even if painfully slow..i sure can cook. I tried making biryani... painstakingly and perfectly i started with the washing, peeling, chopping, grating, slicing, grinding, sauting, frying, tempering, boiling....by the time i finished making dinner, it was 1 am.. he was fast asleep (after having 2 packets of good-day biscuits & 3 litres of water to quench hunger).. and i didnt have the heart to wake the poor soul to eat dinner.
That left just... flowers. This just cannot go wrong. I mean... how can it?? I place order online, pay by credit card (oh.. don've credit card....hmm..can use colleague's card after some maska..damn!! these flowers cost a lot.), fill in the address & time of delivery, click submit & just wait for those scary statistics in head to fade away.
Day of delivery
___________
Was supposed to be delivered at 10 am.. Me wait impatiently with phone in hand to hear super excited hubby call to thank for the flowers delivered at office.
10.30 am.. No call.. Checks if phone silent / switched on/ got network.
10.35 am.. Still no call.
10.37 am... I call him.. How was the day? fine.. Watssup!! Nothing much..
Call up the flower-fellas to realize i entered his no: wrong. They were trying to reach him to confirm delivery address since 9.30 am.. So much for 'cant go wrong online' confidence.
11.30 am... the damned flowers are finally delivered.
11.32 am.. Bemused hubby calls & asks 'Honey,.. any idea why a Mr. Venugopal is sending me roses?'
Damn the florists.. They put the credit card billing address as the sender's details..
Bad thing about me is that.. i dont follow advice until i am once bitten. It was true as a 4 year old when my mom asked me not to play with matchsticks... and this queer character flaw stays put till now too..No, not playing with matchsticks..the not-listening to the 'experienced' thing.
But then again.. this 'reading paper in morning' is not much of a problem with the kind of papers that i subscribe to. Economic Times & Business Line are hardly the ones the people would expect to find accidents & kidnaps detailed in all its goriness & grotesque. Nor does it treat 'Sanjay Dutt can now legally marry' as a subject of national importance and put it up in the front page with a 4x6 pic of a beaming Mr. Dutt like TOI does.
But then lightning struck. I was chewing on the toast and skimming the paper i glanced at the article on the front page - 'Divorce rates on the rise among couples in Metros'... the article further explained that last year saw a growth of about 50% in the divorce rates..specially for couples living in the tier -I cities of India. Irregular work timings, increase in the number of women in work force, nuclear families, growing financial independence amongst 20yr olds...etc..etc.. these were just some of the reason.
The toast stuck. Hardly three month into marriage, would we fall prey to the statistics??? A shiver run down my spine.. A fast-forward of Sex & the City & Bridjet Jones' Diary snapshots run thru my mind. Not that they are divorced.. but they are alone..and pushing 30. Damn.
On way to office in a rickety auto-rickshaw, i hear the over-enthused RJ giving bored listeners tips to make the upcoming Valentine's day all the more exciting..well..to make up for the dull n dreary economy if nothing else... Tips were as cheap as Big Bazaar prices really... Stuff like put hand-written cards n hide them where your friends/family/foe is least likely to find it... or ..plan and make a special dish and surprise your loved ones for dinner instead of the usual dal-roti or whatever... or send a small gift via courier or someone to the recipient's office instead of home address. That sure would boost the GDP, I snickered .. But hey, probably i can use that... and then write a book on how not to be in the divorcing metro couple list...or atleast a blog.. hmmm.. fantabulous idea.
cards.. cards.. hand written??? i imagined writing sweet-nothings in a post-it and sticking it to my hubby's wallet..But then i was never good at writing..(well, you should know that by now).. and these sweet nothings..hmm.. how would i dream that up??? well, guess i can just try translate some Hollywood love songs. Googled up for the hit love songs in hindi cinema.. and got these..
"Masakali..masakali..."(googled for meaning of masakali and found it was a white pigeon).. huh.. would he take it as a stool pigeon?? pigeon is hardly the word for your spouse..
"Tera emotional atyachar..." ..well..hmm.. i guess i should try other methods...
Home made meal?? yeah!!! i can do that.. i can cook...even if painfully slow..i sure can cook. I tried making biryani... painstakingly and perfectly i started with the washing, peeling, chopping, grating, slicing, grinding, sauting, frying, tempering, boiling....by the time i finished making dinner, it was 1 am.. he was fast asleep (after having 2 packets of good-day biscuits & 3 litres of water to quench hunger).. and i didnt have the heart to wake the poor soul to eat dinner.
That left just... flowers. This just cannot go wrong. I mean... how can it?? I place order online, pay by credit card (oh.. don've credit card....hmm..can use colleague's card after some maska..damn!! these flowers cost a lot.), fill in the address & time of delivery, click submit & just wait for those scary statistics in head to fade away.
Day of delivery
___________
Was supposed to be delivered at 10 am.. Me wait impatiently with phone in hand to hear super excited hubby call to thank for the flowers delivered at office.
10.30 am.. No call.. Checks if phone silent / switched on/ got network.
10.35 am.. Still no call.
10.37 am... I call him.. How was the day? fine.. Watssup!! Nothing much..
Call up the flower-fellas to realize i entered his no: wrong. They were trying to reach him to confirm delivery address since 9.30 am.. So much for 'cant go wrong online' confidence.
11.30 am... the damned flowers are finally delivered.
11.32 am.. Bemused hubby calls & asks 'Honey,.. any idea why a Mr. Venugopal is sending me roses?'
Damn the florists.. They put the credit card billing address as the sender's details..
Saturday, January 03, 2009
He says... She says..
My single & available (lucky creepos) friends would fly down and kick me in the posterior side of anatomy with a well heeled shoe or throw stones at me if i even utter the M word. They say they have heard it too much from me to last a lifetime. The committed/tied-up ones empathise too much and say "i know..and over here it is.." and make me listen to their version of the story. That leaves me with not much choice other than blogging about it. Here i can use the M word without fearing a violent death. Marriage... phew.. that feels like a load off my chest, i say.
They say..it is all about give n take. The question is who gives?? and who takes?? I guess the score keeps changing.. and nobody truly wins and no-one loses either. Had the conversation between him & her been a part of a badminton, i am sure it would have topped the BWF World Championship's nail-biting anticipation as to who'd emerge the champion. You've serves, counter-serves, fakes, smashes, dropshots..and what-nots..
Rally 1:
He: Arrrgghhh.. there is hair covering every inch of the bathroom floor.
She: not mine.. yours..
He: Oh ya... i have hair which is 10 inches long??
Score 1-0
They say..it is all about give n take. The question is who gives?? and who takes?? I guess the score keeps changing.. and nobody truly wins and no-one loses either. Had the conversation between him & her been a part of a badminton, i am sure it would have topped the BWF World Championship's nail-biting anticipation as to who'd emerge the champion. You've serves, counter-serves, fakes, smashes, dropshots..and what-nots..
Rally 1:
He: Arrrgghhh.. there is hair covering every inch of the bathroom floor.
She: not mine.. yours..
He: Oh ya... i have hair which is 10 inches long??
Score 1-0
She: hmmph.. that's y i asked you to let me go to that spa thingie.. they do hair-fall cure spa massages.. only for 3000 bucks per sitting!
He: I got a better idea. Why dont we go off to thirupati and shave your entire head? No hair..no hairfall.. Easier on the wallet too!!
He: I got a better idea. Why dont we go off to thirupati and shave your entire head? No hair..no hairfall.. Easier on the wallet too!!
Score 2-0
Rally 2:
He: honey..where is my comb??
She: it's on top of the suitcase..under the clothes.
He: (rummages thru and finds the comb) y did u keep clothes on top my hair comb.
She: coz there aint any where else to keep them..you refused to buy a rack..and by the way, y keep the hair brush there?
He: Hair brush can be kept there. it can also be kept on top of the fridge, the mattress, coffee-table..where-ever i wish to keep it.
Rally 2:
He: honey..where is my comb??
She: it's on top of the suitcase..under the clothes.
He: (rummages thru and finds the comb) y did u keep clothes on top my hair comb.
She: coz there aint any where else to keep them..you refused to buy a rack..and by the way, y keep the hair brush there?
He: Hair brush can be kept there. it can also be kept on top of the fridge, the mattress, coffee-table..where-ever i wish to keep it.
fault ..Score 2-1
She: darling ..i think you missed a turn there.. we are lost
He: uh..no, we aren't.. i still have that thing called direction sense.. i can make it out.
She: cant we just ask someone. Am sure they would be able to help us out.
He: But i dont need any directions. I got it all figured out..
(more turns and twists later)He: We wud've reached home by now only if i did not listen to you while taking that turn. Next time when i drive nobody gives directions.
She: darling ..i think you missed a turn there.. we are lost
He: uh..no, we aren't.. i still have that thing called direction sense.. i can make it out.
She: cant we just ask someone. Am sure they would be able to help us out.
He: But i dont need any directions. I got it all figured out..
(more turns and twists later)He: We wud've reached home by now only if i did not listen to you while taking that turn. Next time when i drive nobody gives directions.
fault... Score 2-2
She: no...no...NOOOOO.. we are not gonna buy one more thing that start with a lower case i. i've had enuf of this madness.
He: you've 2 tubes of face-wash
She: correction, one face wash n one face scrub
He: whatever.. 2 tubs of that ugggh smelling cream
She: day wear & night wear.
He: hmmph.. and 2 dozen sticks of that lip-color
She : you cant expect me to use the same color lipstick for all dresses..
He: of coz not... but if i want 2 ipods?? that's too much???
She: no...no...NOOOOO.. we are not gonna buy one more thing that start with a lower case i. i've had enuf of this madness.
He: you've 2 tubes of face-wash
She: correction, one face wash n one face scrub
He: whatever.. 2 tubs of that ugggh smelling cream
She: day wear & night wear.
He: hmmph.. and 2 dozen sticks of that lip-color
She : you cant expect me to use the same color lipstick for all dresses..
He: of coz not... but if i want 2 ipods?? that's too much???
(umpire has given up on the score keeping)
She: i do feel really strongly about this issue (issue = any arbit variable can be put in here)..
He: but, it is really not a big thing honey.. you shouldnt get upset about it at all
She: oh but i am... this is something which is important to me..and it bothers me.
He: but honey.. what i am saying is.. if u just think of this as non-significant, it wont bother you much..can't you get that?
She: So what you are really telling me is... though you know i feel this is important..and hence bothered by it.. you would rather belittle the significance i have placed on this and play it down so that i feel stupid about being bothered about it and shut up..instead of doing something about it so that i feel better about the notion that you have put in your efforts for something that is not significant for you normally...but important for you by virtue of being important for me??? is that what you are trying to say???
He: huh..uh..hmm.. wha..???
She: i do feel really strongly about this issue (issue = any arbit variable can be put in here)..
He: but, it is really not a big thing honey.. you shouldnt get upset about it at all
She: oh but i am... this is something which is important to me..and it bothers me.
He: but honey.. what i am saying is.. if u just think of this as non-significant, it wont bother you much..can't you get that?
She: So what you are really telling me is... though you know i feel this is important..and hence bothered by it.. you would rather belittle the significance i have placed on this and play it down so that i feel stupid about being bothered about it and shut up..instead of doing something about it so that i feel better about the notion that you have put in your efforts for something that is not significant for you normally...but important for you by virtue of being important for me??? is that what you are trying to say???
He: huh..uh..hmm.. wha..???
(umpire baffled..quits job and takes up Art of Living classes)
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
What men want...(n how to get it)
The answer is quite simple. But i am not gonna give that out in a platter yet. U'll have to take the pain of reading thru the entire post..or atleast a few sentences.
The other day a male friend of mine was cribbing about how misleading our statements are. We (ok..from now on, when i say 'we', i mean 'women' a.k.a the 'fairer sex') say things which tug at their heart strings....who am i kidding..we say things which turn them on... maybe not exactly physically..but in some emotional level atleast. Now, what are these kind of statements??? Here is a sampler
"Oh!! i feel as if i could talk to you about everything and anything...u understand me...soo...sooo...wonderfully and completely"
" being with u comes so naturally... i dont even feel the need to put on an act"
"u r such a cutie pie/ teddy bear/ cootchie wootchie / bablishkoochipum..."
" dont be sooo nice yaar... u r too sweet for your own good"
I generally try to explain this with 'the ladder theory'. Most part of ladder theory i think is disparaging towards women, but the '2 ladders for women Vs. 1 ladder for men' part is too real to be pooh-poohed away. No i didn't make this up, it was proposed by Dallas Lynn & Jared Whitson way back in 1994. If you don't believe me go google for your self.hmmph.
Ladder theory, among other things, says that men and women in course of their interaction with members of the opposite sex, place them in different positions of a psychological ladder.
For men, there is just one ladder- the real ladder. The top positions would be the given to ones who men find really attractive,hot ....basically the ones for whom they would chew off their hand and leg to go to bed with. As u go down the ladder, the intensity of urge 'to have sex with' gets lower...and towards the bottom u find the less pretty/attractive ones... hmm...which basically leads to the conclusion that, regardless how great you are men place you in the ladder based on looks..looks..and looks. The second crieterion would be 'how good your chances are with her'.
Women on the other hand, have 2 ladders..the friends ladder and the real ladder. Based on certain crieteria, we put u on either of these 2 ladders..So if you find a girl telling these stuff with a real sincere look in her eyes and a quiver in her lips... you probably are pretty high up in the 'The Friends Ladder'. No hurt feelings, chances are that she probably doesn't see you that way.. Sorry guys, you are barking up the wrong ladder.
The other day a male friend of mine was cribbing about how misleading our statements are. We (ok..from now on, when i say 'we', i mean 'women' a.k.a the 'fairer sex') say things which tug at their heart strings....who am i kidding..we say things which turn them on... maybe not exactly physically..but in some emotional level atleast. Now, what are these kind of statements??? Here is a sampler
"Oh!! i feel as if i could talk to you about everything and anything...u understand me...soo...sooo...wonderfully and completely"
" being with u comes so naturally... i dont even feel the need to put on an act"
"u r such a cutie pie/ teddy bear/ cootchie wootchie / bablishkoochipum..."
I generally try to explain this with 'the ladder theory'. Most part of ladder theory i think is disparaging towards women, but the '2 ladders for women Vs. 1 ladder for men' part is too real to be pooh-poohed away. No i didn't make this up, it was proposed by Dallas Lynn & Jared Whitson way back in 1994. If you don't believe me go google for your self.hmmph.
Ladder theory, among other things, says that men and women in course of their interaction with members of the opposite sex, place them in different positions of a psychological ladder.
Women on the other hand, have 2 ladders..the friends ladder and the real ladder. Based on certain crieteria, we put u on either of these 2 ladders..So if you find a girl telling these stuff with a real sincere look in her eyes and a quiver in her lips... you probably are pretty high up in the 'The Friends Ladder'. No hurt feelings, chances are that she probably doesn't see you that way.. Sorry guys, you are barking up the wrong ladder.
Ok..now..what's done is done..You r inadvertenly in the wrong ladder of your li'l Miss. Perfect. Now how do you do a long jump and land smartly on the other ladder without spraining your neck or breaking the rung? I'm gonna unabashedly spill the beans and become a traitor of my sisterhood... 3 Rules, if applied right which can save your day..
Rule 1: Be Scarce
Her fingernail broke?? Need a lift for the all girl outing?? She's bored and cant think of anything else to do... so just called up??? Oh come on.. dont be such a wussy.. remember the supply-demand curve from economics class??? Make yourself scarce. Say 'No'.. at times.. Dont always answer the phone on the second ring itself. Sometimes don't answer at all. (not when she is travelling alone n there is a psycho killer on prowl n she is trying to reach you!).
The moment she realizes that you r not going to be at her beck and call, she probably would start valuing your time and you a bit more than earlier. Scarcity thy name is appeal.
Rule 2: Bring out the green-eyed monstor
This has to be done in close conjunction with rule 1. Talk about other girls.. Ask her about her cute best friend. Flirt.. specially when she can see you doing that. (Pre-requisite: Get good at flirting, dont end up getting 'rolling eyes' or worst black eyes).
If only i could count the number of times i've bought stuff i never wanted or needed, just coz there was another girl eyeing the same thing...
Rule 3: Play the role
Want her as your girlfriend?? then treat her like one.. No more Perks & Munches passing off as chocolate. Pani puri n Vada Pav at the road stall isnt gourmet food exactly too. Make the moments special. You would know what makes her feel special...do it. Kicks n punches n put-downs are what 5 yr old boys resort to when they like a girl. Grow up. No need to splurge all the time..Look at her (no! not the raised eye-brow look), give a compliment (and mean it!), be a gentle man..
Now for the disclaimers:
Know thy ladder - This is for those unfortunate souls who want to get their toehold in the real ladder. If you are already in the real one (and high up in that as well), above mentioned activities can result in you getting dumped.
Higher the better/worse - If you happen to be the '4am friend', the one she confides in, the one she calls up to soothe a broken heart...in short the comfortable but not so glamorous 'old shoe'... well...you my friend are in a dicey situation.. There is no surety for what would happen next. She could be as comfortable with you as she is with her (the dreaded word) 'brother' n might not be able to even picture you in anyother way.. orrrrr.... she is a real soft target for your ulterior motives. Depends on how you play the game, mate!
Be in Character - whatever you do, make it believable.. If you r the silent, shy type.. dont turn into Johnny Bravo overnight. But at the same time when u take an effort, make her notice it...subtle-ly.
For this immense help and guidance to the clueless part of human race... you can show your gratitude by sending the appreciation letters pinned to 1000 buck notes. For the complete address, just leave a comment :)
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Jobs your Landlords/ladys wont understand..
Some of you might have seen this ad for MTV "on Jobs2" (ya..i had too much time on my hands and a tv at my disposal in hotel room)..well the tag line is 'jobs your parents wont understand'...the ad shows a heart-broken mom crying clutching a bottle of liquor which she found from her daughter's room.. and a baffled daughter trying to say she is a bartender..
well..i think my job should feature there..not as one that 'parents dont understand'...but 'jobs that potential landlords dont understand'... here goes a sample conversation when i am trying to get details abt their apartment..
me: acha bhayya.. kiraya kitna hai??
ll(land lord) : pehle yeh batao..aap kaam kahan pe karti hain?
me (i switch to english coz my hindi vocab doesnt support my job description) : i work with "people interactive"
ll: pepaall..intraaa.....??? kya??
me: inter active...activee.....
ll: acha..acha.. kya kaam hain?
me: i am the asst. product manager there.
ll: matlab?? kya kaam hain??
me: bhaisaab..yeh shaadi.com, makaan.com is sab ka parent company hain.. and i am in charge of shaadi.com.
ll: achaa..achaa... shaadi karvate hain kyaa..achchi baat hain.. meri ek behen hi beti hain.. Computer shamputer kar rahi hain..
me (jumping in): NOOO..noo..not that kind.. i dont arrange marriages.
ll (quizzical look): toh phir??? mandap sajaane ka kaam karte hain kya?
me: no..it is analytics. and market research.
ll: arrreeeyyy..kaam kyaa hain?
me: i..i look at data and say which segments are more profitable. where to put an extra push on. or which offer to give. or what are the relevant search parameter. how i can optimize the product..and do focus groups..and some internal marketing ..you know..
ll: yeh hui naa baat. (turns to the broker and asks) kuch samjhe???
That place did not work. It seemed that the owner was more concerned with the amount of water I use than the deposit amount or rent.. he wanted to how many buckets of water I used for my morning ablutions & bath. How often I took a head-bath. I started wondering if he would kick me outta the home if I happened to have a runny tummy. Dejected..and frustrated me and moi property broker try our luck at the next place. But this time, the broker chap told me to keep mum on the job issue and he will handle it in his way.
ll: kaam??
bc (broker chap): haan..haan..karti hain..
ll: woh toh samaj mein aaya..lekin kahaan??
bc: company mein.
ll: arey bhai..woh bhi pata hain..kaunsi company??
bc: badi company hain? dus barah lakh milti hain?
ll(very curious now): woh kaunsi company hain??
bc: peepal intraa
ll: koi bpo vpo hain kya?
bc: aisa hi samaj lijiye.. (and i sigh deeply in the background)
well..that place too did not suit the budget. It had a bedroom with A/c, fridge, washing machine, & a TV for 15000 bucks…that is if I don’t use the aforesaid facilities. For each of the equipment I use, the rent increases by 1500-3000 bucks. Well… bollocks…my dad is no Ambani.
I just wanted the ‘third time lucky’ so badly that I had devised a strategy which would fit like a glove. Off we went to the third place…
ll: kaam ?
me: bank mein manager.
ll: bhadiya...
and so i got a place to live ..phew.
well..i think my job should feature there..not as one that 'parents dont understand'...but 'jobs that potential landlords dont understand'... here goes a sample conversation when i am trying to get details abt their apartment..
me: acha bhayya.. kiraya kitna hai??
ll(land lord) : pehle yeh batao..aap kaam kahan pe karti hain?
me (i switch to english coz my hindi vocab doesnt support my job description) : i work with "people interactive"
ll: pepaall..intraaa.....??? kya??
me: inter active...activee.....
ll: acha..acha.. kya kaam hain?
me: i am the asst. product manager there.
ll: matlab?? kya kaam hain??
me: bhaisaab..yeh shaadi.com, makaan.com is sab ka parent company hain.. and i am in charge of shaadi.com.
ll: achaa..achaa... shaadi karvate hain kyaa..achchi baat hain.. meri ek behen hi beti hain.. Computer shamputer kar rahi hain..
me (jumping in): NOOO..noo..not that kind.. i dont arrange marriages.
ll (quizzical look): toh phir??? mandap sajaane ka kaam karte hain kya?
me: no..it is analytics. and market research.
ll: arrreeeyyy..kaam kyaa hain?
me: i..i look at data and say which segments are more profitable. where to put an extra push on. or which offer to give. or what are the relevant search parameter. how i can optimize the product..and do focus groups..and some internal marketing ..you know..
ll: yeh hui naa baat. (turns to the broker and asks) kuch samjhe???
That place did not work. It seemed that the owner was more concerned with the amount of water I use than the deposit amount or rent.. he wanted to how many buckets of water I used for my morning ablutions & bath. How often I took a head-bath. I started wondering if he would kick me outta the home if I happened to have a runny tummy. Dejected..and frustrated me and moi property broker try our luck at the next place. But this time, the broker chap told me to keep mum on the job issue and he will handle it in his way.
ll: kaam??
bc (broker chap): haan..haan..karti hain..
ll: woh toh samaj mein aaya..lekin kahaan??
bc: company mein.
ll: arey bhai..woh bhi pata hain..kaunsi company??
bc: badi company hain? dus barah lakh milti hain?
ll(very curious now): woh kaunsi company hain??
bc: peepal intraa
ll: koi bpo vpo hain kya?
bc: aisa hi samaj lijiye.. (and i sigh deeply in the background)
well..that place too did not suit the budget. It had a bedroom with A/c, fridge, washing machine, & a TV for 15000 bucks…that is if I don’t use the aforesaid facilities. For each of the equipment I use, the rent increases by 1500-3000 bucks. Well… bollocks…my dad is no Ambani.
I just wanted the ‘third time lucky’ so badly that I had devised a strategy which would fit like a glove. Off we went to the third place…
ll: kaam ?
me: bank mein manager.
ll: bhadiya...
and so i got a place to live ..phew.
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