Sunday, June 01, 2008

Jobs your Landlords/ladys wont understand..

Some of you might have seen this ad for MTV "on Jobs2" (ya..i had too much time on my hands and a tv at my disposal in hotel room)..well the tag line is 'jobs your parents wont understand'...the ad shows a heart-broken mom crying clutching a bottle of liquor which she found from her daughter's room.. and a baffled daughter trying to say she is a bartender..

well..i think my job should feature there..not as one that 'parents dont understand'...but 'jobs that potential landlords dont understand'... here goes a sample conversation when i am trying to get details abt their apartment..

me: acha bhayya.. kiraya kitna hai??

ll(land lord) : pehle yeh batao..aap kaam kahan pe karti hain?

me (i switch to english coz my hindi vocab doesnt support my job description) : i work with "people interactive"

ll: pepaall..intraaa.....??? kya??

me: inter active...activee.....

ll: acha..acha.. kya kaam hain?

me: i am the asst. product manager there.

ll: matlab?? kya kaam hain??

me: bhaisaab..yeh, is sab ka parent company hain.. and i am in charge of

ll: achaa..achaa... shaadi karvate hain kyaa..achchi baat hain.. meri ek behen hi beti hain.. Computer shamputer kar rahi hain..

me (jumping in): NOOO..noo..not that kind.. i dont arrange marriages.

ll (quizzical look): toh phir??? mandap sajaane ka kaam karte hain kya?

me: is analytics. and market research.

ll: arrreeeyyy..kaam kyaa hain?

me: i..i look at data and say which segments are more profitable. where to put an extra push on. or which offer to give. or what are the relevant search parameter. how i can optimize the product..and do focus groups..and some internal marketing know..

ll: yeh hui naa baat. (turns to the broker and asks) kuch samjhe???

That place did not work. It seemed that the owner was more concerned with the amount of water I use than the deposit amount or rent.. he wanted to how many buckets of water I used for my morning ablutions & bath. How often I took a head-bath. I started wondering if he would kick me outta the home if I happened to have a runny tummy. Dejected..and frustrated me and moi property broker try our luck at the next place. But this time, the broker chap told me to keep mum on the job issue and he will handle it in his way.

ll: kaam??

bc (broker chap): haan..haan..karti hain..

ll: woh toh samaj mein aaya..lekin kahaan??

bc: company mein.

ll: arey bhai..woh bhi pata hain..kaunsi company??

bc: badi company hain? dus barah lakh milti hain?

ll(very curious now): woh kaunsi company hain??

bc: peepal intraa

ll: koi bpo vpo hain kya?

bc: aisa hi samaj lijiye.. (and i sigh deeply in the background)

well..that place too did not suit the budget. It had a bedroom with A/c, fridge, washing machine, & a TV for 15000 bucks…that is if I don’t use the aforesaid facilities. For each of the equipment I use, the rent increases by 1500-3000 bucks. Well… bollocks…my dad is no Ambani.

I just wanted the ‘third time lucky’ so badly that I had devised a strategy which would fit like a glove. Off we went to the third place…

ll: kaam ?

me: bank mein manager.

ll: bhadiya...

and so i got a place to live ..phew.