Thursday, July 10, 2008

What men want...(n how to get it)

The answer is quite simple. But i am not gonna give that out in a platter yet. U'll have to take the pain of reading thru the entire post..or atleast a few sentences.

The other day a male friend of mine was cribbing about how misleading our statements are. We (ok..from now on, when i say 'we', i mean 'women' a.k.a the 'fairer sex') say things which tug at their heart strings....who am i kidding..we say things which turn them on... maybe not exactly physically..but in some emotional level atleast. Now, what are these kind of statements??? Here is a sampler

"Oh!! i feel as if i could talk to you about everything and anything...u understand me...soo...sooo...wonderfully and completely"

" being with u comes so naturally... i dont even feel the need to put on an act"

"u r such a cutie pie/ teddy bear/ cootchie wootchie / bablishkoochipum..."

" dont be sooo nice yaar... u r too sweet for your own good"

I generally try to explain this with 'the ladder theory'. Most part of ladder theory i think is disparaging towards women, but the '2 ladders for women Vs. 1 ladder for men' part is too real to be pooh-poohed away. No i didn't make this up, it was proposed by Dallas Lynn & Jared Whitson way back in 1994. If you don't believe me go google for your self.hmmph.

Ladder theory, among other things, says that men and women in course of their interaction with members of the opposite sex, place them in different positions of a psychological ladder. 

For men, there is just one ladder- the real ladder. The top positions would be the given to ones who men find really attractive,hot ....basically the ones for whom they would chew off their hand and leg to go to bed with. As u go down the ladder, the intensity of urge 'to have sex with' gets lower...and towards the bottom u find the less pretty/attractive ones... hmm...which basically leads to the conclusion that, regardless how great you are men place you in the ladder based on looks..looks..and looks. The second crieterion would be 'how good your chances are with her'.

Women on the other hand, have 2 ladders..the friends ladder and the real ladder. Based on certain crieteria, we put u on either of these 2 ladders..So if you find a girl telling these stuff with a real sincere look in her eyes and a quiver in her lips... you probably are pretty high up in the 'The Friends Ladder'. No hurt feelings, chances are that she probably doesn't see you that way.. Sorry guys, you are barking up the wrong ladder.'s done is done..You r inadvertenly in the wrong ladder of your li'l Miss. Perfect. Now how do you do a long jump and land smartly on the other ladder without spraining your neck or breaking the rung? I'm gonna unabashedly spill the beans and become a traitor of my sisterhood... 3 Rules, if applied right which can save your day..

Rule 1: Be Scarce
Her fingernail broke?? Need a lift for the all girl outing?? She's bored and cant think of anything else to do... so just called up??? Oh come on.. dont be such a wussy.. remember the supply-demand curve from economics class??? Make yourself scarce. Say 'No'.. at times.. Dont always answer the phone on the second ring itself. Sometimes don't answer at all. (not when she is travelling alone n there is a psycho killer on prowl n she is trying to reach you!).

The moment she realizes that you r not going to be at her beck and call, she probably would start valuing your time and you a bit more than earlier. Scarcity thy name is appeal.

Rule 2: Bring out the green-eyed monstor
This has to be done in close conjunction with rule 1. Talk about other girls.. Ask her about her cute best friend. Flirt.. specially when she can see you doing that. (Pre-requisite: Get good at flirting, dont end up getting 'rolling eyes' or worst black eyes). 

If only i could count the number of times i've bought stuff i never wanted or needed, just coz there was another girl eyeing the same thing... 

Rule 3: Play the role
Want her as your girlfriend?? then treat her like one.. No more Perks & Munches passing off as chocolate. Pani puri n Vada Pav at the road stall isnt gourmet food exactly too. Make the moments special. You would know what makes her feel it.  Kicks n punches n put-downs are what 5 yr old boys resort to when they like a girl. Grow up. No need to splurge all the time..Look at her (no! not the raised eye-brow look), give a compliment (and mean it!), be a gentle man.. 

Now for the disclaimers:

Know thy ladder - This is for those unfortunate souls who want to get their toehold in the real ladder. If you are already in the real one (and high up in that as well), above mentioned activities can result in you getting dumped.

Higher the better/worse - If you happen to be the '4am friend', the one she confides in, the one she calls up to soothe a broken short the comfortable but not so glamorous 'old shoe'... my friend are in a dicey situation.. There is no surety for what would happen next. She could be as comfortable with you as she is with her (the dreaded word) 'brother' n might not be able to even picture you in anyother way.. orrrrr.... she is a real soft target for your ulterior motives. Depends on how you play the game, mate!

Be in Character - whatever you do, make it believable.. If you r the silent, shy type.. dont turn into Johnny Bravo overnight. But at the same time when u take an effort, make her notice it...subtle-ly.

For this immense help and guidance to the clueless part of human race... you can show your gratitude by sending the appreciation letters pinned to 1000 buck notes. For the complete address, just leave a comment :)