Monday, February 09, 2009

Statistics be Damned..

A finance professor of mine told the class once that the worst way to start a day is by reading the daily paper.He says 'You wake up, all charged up, sing a 80's song about sunshine & new-starts, plop down in your fav chair, grab that cuppa and whiff at the tantalizing rich aroma of coffee and full cream, take a sip and then you spoil it all.. you open the paper. The first thing you see .. murder, rape, kidnap, turmoil, earthquake, bears running loose in stock market..Now is this what you want to read first thing in the morning?? Save your newspapers for afternoons, when you are in office and feels like having a siesta.. Nightmares..errr..daymares guaranteed. '
Bad thing about me is that.. i dont follow advice until i am once bitten. It was true as a 4 year old when my mom asked me not to play with matchsticks... and this queer character flaw stays put till now too..No, not playing with matchsticks..the not-listening to the 'experienced' thing.

But then again.. this 'reading paper in morning' is not much of a problem with the kind of papers that i subscribe to. Economic Times & Business Line are hardly the ones the people would expect to find accidents & kidnaps detailed in all its goriness & grotesque. Nor does it treat 'Sanjay Dutt can now legally marry' as a subject of national importance and put it up in the front page with a 4x6 pic of a beaming Mr. Dutt like TOI does.

But then lightning struck. I was chewing on the toast and skimming the paper i glanced at the article on the front page - 'Divorce rates on the rise among couples in Metros'... the article further explained that last year saw a growth of about 50% in the divorce rates..specially for couples living in the tier -I cities of India. Irregular work timings, increase in the number of women in work force, nuclear families, growing financial independence amongst 20yr olds...etc..etc.. these were just some of the reason.
The toast stuck. Hardly three month into marriage, would we fall prey to the statistics??? A shiver run down my spine.. A fast-forward of Sex & the City & Bridjet Jones' Diary snapshots run thru my mind. Not that they are divorced.. but they are alone..and pushing 30. Damn.

On way to office in a rickety auto-rickshaw, i hear the over-enthused RJ giving bored listeners tips to make the upcoming Valentine's day all the more make up for the dull n dreary economy if nothing else... Tips were as cheap as Big Bazaar prices really... Stuff like put hand-written cards n hide them where your friends/family/foe is least likely to find it... or ..plan and make a special dish and surprise your loved ones for dinner instead of the usual dal-roti or whatever... or send a small gift via courier or someone to the recipient's office instead of home address. That sure would boost the GDP, I snickered .. But hey, probably i can use that... and then write a book on how not to be in the divorcing metro couple list...or atleast a blog.. hmmm.. fantabulous idea.

cards.. cards.. hand written??? i imagined writing sweet-nothings in a post-it and sticking it to my hubby's wallet..But then i was never good at writing..(well, you should know that by now).. and these sweet nothings..hmm.. how would i dream that up??? well, guess i can just try translate some Hollywood love songs. Googled up for the hit love songs in hindi cinema.. and got these..

"Masakali..masakali..."(googled for meaning of masakali and found it was a white pigeon).. huh.. would he take it as a stool pigeon?? pigeon is hardly the word for your spouse..
"Tera emotional atyachar..." ..well..hmm.. i guess i should try other methods...

Home made meal?? yeah!!! i can do that.. i can cook...even if painfully slow..i sure can cook. I tried making biryani... painstakingly and perfectly i started with the washing, peeling, chopping, grating, slicing, grinding, sauting, frying, tempering, the time i finished making dinner, it was 1 am.. he was fast asleep (after having 2 packets of good-day biscuits & 3 litres of water to quench hunger).. and i didnt have the heart to wake the poor soul to eat dinner.

That left just... flowers. This just cannot go wrong. I mean... how can it?? I place order online, pay by credit card (oh.. don've credit card....hmm..can use colleague's card after some maska..damn!! these flowers cost a lot.), fill in the address & time of delivery, click submit & just wait for those scary statistics in head to fade away.

Day of delivery
Was supposed to be delivered at 10 am.. Me wait impatiently with phone in hand to hear super excited hubby call to thank for the flowers delivered at office.
10.30 am.. No call.. Checks if phone silent / switched on/ got network.
10.35 am.. Still no call.
10.37 am... I call him.. How was the day? fine.. Watssup!! Nothing much..
Call up the flower-fellas to realize i entered his no: wrong. They were trying to reach him to confirm delivery address since 9.30 am.. So much for 'cant go wrong online' confidence.
11.30 am... the damned flowers are finally delivered.
11.32 am.. Bemused hubby calls & asks 'Honey,.. any idea why a Mr. Venugopal is sending me roses?'

Damn the florists.. They put the credit card billing address as the sender's details..


Arslan said...

hilarious! :D

"That sure would boost the GDP.."!!

wish you wrote more often.. :)

Meghna said...

good one girl...

Anonymous said...

flowers from venugopal ! too good

Anand said...

roses From VenuGopal???? hahahaha...Seriuosly too good!!!!

Gkm said...

Pretty cool...
Next time try a girl's credit card (just in case)...your hubby wont be disappointed!

Anonymous said...

The crazy pains of love! Super post.

Lavanya@Bored in life said...

Super nice... Really happened? I m still struggling to figure out how you take long to cook babes.. .really! And I really mean how!!

Chitrank said...

a really nice post!! keep'em coming